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Ididntcomeback
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« on: August 14, 2012, 09:32:10 AM »

                                             SENSE OF WONDER

                                                    Part 1

                              The end and the beginning are the same

It is strongly recommended that one read "My story.  SENSE OF DOUBT"
http://kiwianon.com/forums/index.php?topic=503.0
before embarking on this next journey. It will be hard to make sense of any of what follows
without the perspective "SENSE OF DOUBT" ended with.

This will not be written by me. It will be written by "we."
Or more precisely, what "we" could be.

I have not the vaguest idea of what will unfold. All I know is that "who we could be"
has a pure desire to rescue us from who we are being.

 For the last three months I have been intimately connected to the worst of us.
I have had my very soul ripped out and spread in front of me in tatters.
But I held my space. I resisted every human instinct for self preservation
and viewed the world from the worst possible perspective.

From this, great wisdom has manifested.

All the lights in the world went off. Let me describe how magnificent they are as they come back on.


Come back here and we shall share the joy and wonder.



 
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knownunknown1
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« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2012, 05:14:29 PM »

Looking forward to know you better through your "Our story". Tx
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Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2012, 09:26:48 AM »

Thanks knownunknown1. Hope this isn`t a waste of time.

                                    SENSE OF WONDER

                                        Part 2

                                      Wasting time.

It remains a mystery as to when the universe began. We appear to have imagined that understanding
how things began will somehow resolve the lost feeling we all share.

But it won`t. In fact it is the very act of connecting the dots of history that compound the lost feeling.

For in truth... in ultimate reality, there is no such thing as Time.
Time is made up, just like a story, or a paranoia. (Which turn out to be the same thing.)

Trying to put a `Time before time began` on a time line is the same as trying to see a smell.

So let us dissolve this story and dissolve time in the same instant.

The universe began now.
Everything that has ever happened, is happening or will ever happen is happening NOW.

There is no time. Time is a story, a paranoia, an illusion, a pretense.

And it ain`t easy to keep the time illusion existing now.

All of the stress and anxiety we endure is not our poor upbringing or our bad education.
It is energy spent on holding the illusion of time in our faces.

Holding the illusion of time in front of us is like holding a rubber band outstretched with our hands.
The more insistent we are about stretching the illusion of time, the more it will wear us down.

Every bit of tension we feel is not the circumstances we instinctively blame, but rather the effort spent in creating time to hold it in existence.

If one is to view life with present moment awareness it becomes apparent that the universe began now.
It and everything in it is in a state of perpetual beginning. There is no other time.


Time is a swimming pool that we can chose to place a toe in.
But being the drama addicts we are, we feel compelled to jump right in.

Of course what we are looking at here could be the illusion.
We could imagine that what is written here is wrong. And one day, in the future, a book will be distributed to school children explaining the truth about the origins of the universe.
But isn`t that just a projected illusion. Pure speculation. A day dream. And when did we project it?
In the only time possible... The eternal moment of NOW.

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Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2012, 11:22:52 AM »

                                              SENSE OF WONDER

                                                     Part 3

                                                Running out of time.

We have been sold a bill of goods called time. We have learned to accept it.
We grumble about it. We resent and protest it. But we have never considered returning it to the shop and demanding a refund.

Till we do, we are stuck with it. Like the appliance we bought that we monkeyed around with and are now too embarrassed to take it back for a refund.

What makes it even harder is that we have misplaced the receipt and suspect the warranty has run out.
And gee... no one else has taken their time share back.

What we will do now is take time back. We need to be firm about this.
The time salespeople know all the tricks. They will try to convince you that Time is real
and essential to your wellbeing.

But don`t listen to them. They may try to convince you that you will come to accept Time if you give it a bit more time.

They`ll tell you Time will grow on you.
They will remind you of the wonderful Times you have had.
They will say Time is precious.
They may get mad and accuse you of wasting their Time.

If you keep insisting, they may offer to take some time back, but accuse you of having too much Time
on your hands.

If we consult the encyclopedias, we discover that the experts have concluded that time is linear.
We have the big bang on the far left, then the dinosaurs, followed by an ice age, then cave men,
then, Rap music.

On our extreme right we have houses on Mars and a telephone that works.

Visualize this time line now. Hold your hands, palms together to separate the past from the future.
To your left we have everything that has gone before. To our right we have everything yet to come.
The crack between your hands is NOW.

By opening our hands we can visualize creating some NOW. We are pushing the future further off and pushing the the past back with our left hand.

If we focus and tune into this NOW space, we can NOW begin to perceive a vast untapped resource
which for now I`ll describe as "Pure potential."

Pure potential resides outside of time.  This is the realm of endless possibilities.

Don`t be surprised if we feel as if an unspecified force is now manifest within our hands.

Play with it. Stretch it. Feel our palms tingle.

When we feel it there, we raise our hands to the sides of our head (perception center) and simply
be willing to experience what happens.

Connect our breathing. In, out, relaxed...No pauses.

We may be asking...How long should we do this ?
If we do, we are still focused in Time.
When the question and the answer become one, we are NOW outside of Time and
no question or answer can manifest.

Interestingly the one thing that will prevent us from focusing our attention outside of time
is.......  lack of time. And of course if we make the time to do it, we are putting out fire with gasoline.

            "There is no time like the present."
« Last Edit: August 28, 2012, 07:06:16 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2012, 02:48:07 PM »

                                           SENSE OF WONDER

                                                  Part 4

                                            Time is not on our side.

One might have cause to wonder why on earth anyone would want to be outside of Time.
Well what we find is that every single, significant, life changing occurrence happened outside of Time.
Everything else is pure  stimulus response.

Maybe we had the feeling that Time had stopped. But we know from experience that Time plods on like a
well oiled machine. So that surreal, magical, feeling was actually the sense of joy and wonder from hovering outside of Time.

Oh. So now we are starting to understand why we continued reading this. We knew there was something
unique here. Something that could lead us to who we could be.

When we pretend Time is real, we believe we are victims of it. Sentenced to stumble along on
its treadmill for all Time.

So for those who desire to stay inside Time, just realize what we already know..

Time is not on our side.
It is running out.
Time waits for no one.
Father Time is a merciless taskmaster.

For those who desire to be outside of Time.
Realize what we already know.

                There is no shortage of Time.
Time is the blank screen we write our story on.

« Last Edit: August 16, 2012, 03:12:58 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2012, 09:41:25 AM »

                                      SENSE OF WONDER

                                             Part 5

                                             Clarity

There are an infinite number of reasons why we cannot become who we could be.
However not a single one of them is relevant.

In deed, one spends their life magnifying the relevance of these reasons and re affirming them
with every thought. There is an unwillingness to see that our thoughts are our own prison.
We are imprisoned by what we think we are unwilling to experience.

Some try to imprison others by threatening others with what they think others are unwilling to experience.

Typically the people targeted are the ones that remind people they are in a prison.

The human experience is clinically what one calls institutionalized.

The rage one experiences on this subject is from a lifetimes experience of being force fed.

The desire to use drugs or alcohol is actually an act of protesting this force feeding.
It is an escape from the longterm effects of being force fed.

The reason we stay `who we are` instead of becoming `who we could be` is so that we can protest
against the force feeding. A desire for justice if you like...

There are an infinite number of reasons we remain `who we are` instead of becoming `who we could be`.

"I have cancer, I have an abusive partner, I have no education, I am physically sick. I am mentally ill,
I`ll wait till everyone else does it first, I am too old, I am too young, Everything is bullshit. I`m broke.
I am lazy. I`m too busy. It sounds spooky. I`m hooked on speed."

But let us realize that `who we could be` is unaffected by those and every other excuse `who we are`can create.

One can be a hundred years old on their deathbed, being drip fed morphine and still reconnect with who they could be.  As can we all.

Just one drop too many of force feeding and who one is being ceases to be.
Full pure potential is restored.

An apple falls from a tree with pure potential as its seed.
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Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2012, 10:40:50 AM »

                                             SENSE OF WONDER

                                                 Part 6

                                               Cause over Time.

The whole human experience is from the viewpoint of being the effect of Time.
We see its effects in everything we focus on.
We even see its effect in the mirror.

We live with all our regrets. We see our ambitions receding as our time expires.

We can resurrect a time when we were full of life and optimism. Then we
resurrect a time since then when we felt older and tireder.

If we pause for a moment we realize that Time was an essential ingredient to every single experience ever had.

Time is the blank screen that we write our stories on.

The whole human experience can be summarized as being the effect of Time.

We are free to continue this tradition. We can continue to create being the effect of Time.
But we must carry that burden. Time weighs heavily on our human experience.

We can wait for time itself to expel us from its illusion. The illusion of time brings with it the illusion of death. Or we can withdraw our addiction to time NOW.

Some of us are frustrated by this subject matter. We demand to be able to know only that which is real.
We say, show us the evidence that Time is an illusion.

To those of us who need time to think about this we say " Point to time."
We ask those who believe Time is not an illusion to place some time here for us all to experience.

Where on the Atlas is time located?
In which laboratory can we inspect it?

All science can ever do is show us where it has been.

Interestingly even that we cannot view then. We can only view it now.
There is no Time. Time is an illusion.

We are the effect of that illusion.
It is now time to be cause over it. To achieve this we must see that we caused ourselves to be the effect of it.

We hold a pebble in our hand and believe that if we release the pebble from our grasp it will, given time, fall to the ground.

We will find great benefit from closing our eyes and holding an imaginary pebble in our hand.
Now we release the pebble and allow it to stay mid air. Withdraw our hand.

We can now remind ourselves of what being cause over time is. (Not was , or will be.)

Hold the pebble there till we feel at peace with it.


 
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Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2012, 10:15:23 AM »

                                                  SENSE OF WONDER

                                                           Part 7

                                                   The church of Time

Now we can understand that Time is a belief. Not dissimilar to a religious belief.

But if we look, we see that all Religions are cults that went mainstream.

To escape from a cult, or deprogram oneself, we have at our hands the same tools for
escaping the cult of time.

Just as a religious belief gives us a buffer between our vulnerability and ultimate truth, our belief in time
means we can figure it all out later. So long as we don`t think about certain things, we find a sense of security and bow down to Father Time.

Once we have recovered from the brainwashing `Cult of time,` we find ourselves outside the cult compound and have no need to wait to know ultimate truth.

Anxiety, paranoia, stress, worry, disappointment, guilt, regret, depression, fear, sadness, pain, tiredness, anger and hate have nothing to latch on to.

All that remains is Joy and wonder.

We see all suffering as self delusion.

The blank screen, like a baby crying, beckons us.
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« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2012, 09:30:29 AM »

                                          SENSE OF WONDER

                                                 Part 8

                                            Indoctrination

Time is the blank screen on which all indoctrination is written.
When we know this we see how insidiously time has been used to enslave us.

One is hard pressed to find any path to enlightenment that does not have Time as
the magnet to keep one from being enlightened.

We see that philosophy has assured us that one day, if we conduct ourselves in a certain way
we too can be free like the deity that is enslaving us with this hogwash.

"One day we will reach such and such a state. One day if we work hard, and don`t eat pork, we
will sit at the right hand of the father. One day if we pay enough money we will gain super powers.
One day if we imagine someone has forgiven our sins we shall hear a heavenly choir and get to fuck angels.

Thousands of years of all the above not working is, apparently, no deterrent to new recruits.

In fact it is true that the more we believe that we will one day reach the end of the road on our spiritual quest, the more we sentence ourselves to forever remain on the road to enlightenment.

The stronger ones belief that enlightenment is over there, the more we imprison ourselves in an unenlightened state.

At this time we think of Mozart, who as a child was too uneducated to realize he couldn`t play the piano.

Likewise , we are enlightened ,but educated into believing we are not.

Just as one exits a cult one must remove themselves from the constant indoctrination and peer pressure.

This is done by taking ones focus off some imagined benefit on the horizon, and placing ones focus here and now. 

One can break free of `who they are`, and reunite with `who they could be` now.
Or one can wait till `who they are` is chewed up and spat out by the ultimate cult, TIME.

Either way ultimate truth cannot change. It cannot be `sheep dipped` in Time.


« Last Edit: August 28, 2012, 07:16:38 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2012, 09:08:38 AM »

                                        SENSE OF WONDER

                                              Part 9

                                          I`m a believer

When we chose to believe that the illusion of time is real, we identify with the mind which reinforces our belief. Thus we are sentenced to have a past, which we believe is real. And of course if we believe it, it must be true.

We then spend the time we have created, passionately convincing ourselves that time and a past are real.
Yet if we demand of that past that it discloses its location to us, it suddenly becomes very stupid.

Our search for a "then" is in vein. The only thing we ever find is "now".

When our great minds discover a dinosaur bone, we imagine how it got there.
If we convince others how it got there, it becomes a collective imaginary reality.

Then we defend our imaginary bone story against all other possibilities.
We use terms like rational and logical and sense.

Yet every single thought, theory, hypotheses, and speculation about this imaginary bone is occurring now. 

Similarly, we can theorize, hypothesis, and speculate about our own imaginary past.

Typically we believe we are victims of our past.
"The reason I`m disadvantaged is because of a series of events that happened in my past."
Yet if we demand to observe these events, the believer of them is suddenly rendered stupid.

"Look. I know I killed a man. I`ve been sentenced to forty years. What other evidence do you need?"

"Look. I know I`m paralyzed... because of the accident."

" I can`t trust anyone. Because I have had so many bad experiences."


We are adamant that our past is real. We are victims of time.

We then sentence ourselves to carry our past with us, wherever we go.

The things in our past that we are unwilling to experience define us.

When we decide to become `who we could be`, `who we are` is reactivated.

We are trying to write on a slate that is already cluttered with what defines us.

The more we insist that what we have written on the slate is real, the realer it is.

Till it ceases to be real, we are sentenced to be who we are and remain so till time spits us out.

It is merely our belief in TIME that is our jailer.

For those who do not believe in TIME, "who we could be" takes over.

 Who we could be is pure potential. Unlimited possibilities. Creation.

When we meet "who we could be , we are inspired. We pay money to be in the presence of `who we could be`. We giggle and dance and throw our panties at the stage, as `who we could be` defies time
and restores our sense of joy and wonder.

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Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #10 on: August 26, 2012, 01:07:10 AM »

                                               SENSE OF WONDER

                                                      Part 10

                                               Tomorrow never comes.

Everything that is happening is happening now. Even procrastination.

Time is an illusion. In truth there is no Time. There is just now happening NOW.
To fantasize about a time in the future when evolution and technology have worked their magic, and all is well in the world, is pure folly.

As one zeros in on enlightenment, it becomes irrefutably clear that Time, past or future, are what is inhibiting enlightenment. Whether you are holding a sharp stick or a laser gun, it matters not.

Every manifestation of matter in this universe came into being as a manifestation of the TIME illusion.
We notice, if we look, that everything is on its way somewhere...And that takes Time.

So by being fully aware of now, one observes the universe, and all within it, as transparent.

Such consciousness renders the viewer, immune from having to go somewhere.

Full potential is restored.

All this can leave one, with a specific viewpoint, thinking enlightenment is difficult to achieve.
Whereas one who is enlightened has simply released thinking and difficult.

Existing in the time illusion is surviving in a never ending story. And every story, to hold ones interest, must have an uncertain outcome. Which manifests as anxiety and paranoia.

There is no escaping it. For in this universe, "no matter where you go...There you are."
                     
« Last Edit: August 26, 2012, 01:18:59 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2012, 08:43:39 AM »

                                                   SENSE OF WONDER

                                                          Part 11

                                                    Benefit as motivation.

Notice how in the TIME illusion one is motivated strictly by what ones perceives as being of benefit.
If one cannot perceive a potential benefit in pursuing something, one is left with an absence of motivation.

Why mow the lawn if doing so won`t make your perception of the lawn more pleasing to the eye?
Why take a shower if one doesn`t feel any benefit in being cleaner?

Why protest wars if peace isn`t perceived as being of greater benefit?

Yet, despite nicely mown lawns and clean bodies, and innumerable wars that have ended, we
have remained unenlightened. The lawns need mowing again, our bodies get all sweaty and dirty again
and new wars start up somewhere else.

One day we find ourselves sitting on the porch of an evening, listening to The Bee Gees, and drinking beer. We realize that all our highly motivated efforts have amounted to a hill of beans.

The lawn still needs mowing. We start to neglect our personal hygiene, and we just sigh when we see the horrors of war on the news.

Eventually we just go inside, lock the door and close the blinds.

Yet every activity we indulged in, every project we ever witnessed was motivated by a perceived benefit. 
In theory we should all be existing within a giant utopia.

The ultimate insult comes when we meet primitive tribes who exist as we did thousands of years ago
and they are happy and stress free.
They are glad when we take all our perceived benefits and leave them the fuck alone.

They don`t perceive any benefit in conducting themselves as we do, being motivated by perceived  benefit.

You may have noticed that all that we have been reading here, there is a distinct absence of benefit.

To perceive a benefit one must create TIME.

The popular logic is... "If I do this, then at some time there will be a benefit."

Example... "If I go on a diet, one day I will be slim.

If I rob that bank, then I will have lots of money.

If I invade Poland I will placate the relentless rage I feel in my soul.

If I pray to God and go to church, one day I will arrive in Heaven , trumpets will blow and I will
bow down to God and he will make me feel whole and I`ll know I was wise and chose the right religion.
Shame on those stupid Mormons who are burning in Hell."

If I take chemo, one day I`ll be bald and cancer free."

So the common delusion is one can barter their way to happiness and fulfillment.

I`ll do this and this and this. But I fully expect to be rewarded with that.

Everyone does it. So it must be right !!!

Enlightenment is perceived when one stops trying to trade something for it !!!


                                           
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« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2012, 10:52:35 PM »

                                                  SENSE OF WONDER

                                                         Part 12

                                                   Deal or no deal.

We have been duped into believing that we can trade our life story for salvation.
No deal.

What all "religions" tell us is that our conduct here on this plain, has some significance in the grand scheme of things. And that we will be allocated Time to enjoy our reward, should we use our TIME appropriately.

Well that is true ....if you believe it is. But the moment you stop believing it, it ceases to be true.

Religion has tried to coax good behavior out of us so we can trade that good behavior for salvation.

We have fallen for it. Because it seems just.
Those who do good and never hurt others and say the right things and believe in the right God will be rewarded with TIME in Heaven. Maybe eternity. The presumption being that our behavior there will continue to remain beyond reproach.

And those of us who say the word "fuck" and steal and molest children and murder, and lead sinful lives will be punished for eternity. The presumption being that our behavior will continue to remain beyond repair. This terrorizes small kids and stupid adults into being good for a little time.

Yet this is how our minds make sense of the grand scheme of things.

But do you see that if there was no time, none of us would have any time to be good or bad?

But more to the point there would be no time for a trial and no time for anyone to judge us. Not even ourselves.  There would be no time for reward or punishment.

Let`s see if we can make this clear.

Think of something good you could do.
Now think of something bad you could do.

Okay. Your time starts now. Stop!!!

Notice you had no time to do either.

The only thing that permits any form of conduct, good, bad or indifferent, is TIME.

And the only judgment and sentence that could be handed down would also have to be made from inside the Time illusion. 

For any deity to take an interest in our petty lives, they would have to believe in the time illusion.
They would have to have bought into the idea that there is an uncertain outcome.
They would have to have something on the trading table.
They would have to have certain things that they are unwilling to experience.
They would have to be willing to be the effect of those things and thus define themselves.
They would have to be something specific with a specific viewpoint.

Do we happen to know any deities who fit that description?

 Do we need some TIME to figure it out?

Time will exist while we figure it out, and cease the moment we do.

Anytime we want to believe in something we always make the time to do so.

The things we don`t want to believe in, we never make the TIME for.

                          Believing in TIME creates the TIME for us to believe in it.
« Last Edit: August 31, 2012, 09:07:29 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2012, 08:35:48 PM »

                                       SENSE OF WONDER

                                           Part 13 a

                 Having fun with death and getting it on our C.V`s early.

A year ago I was laying in a hospital bed dying. Yet I was able to crack up virtually every health professional that was trying to figure me out.

I mention this just so you know I`m not talking about some glib theory. I was right there in the doorway
completely at peace.

It was something that I kept noticing when I read biography`s about people I admired.
So many of them had had near death experiences before they became interesting enough for me to be reading about them.

The subject of death has made more people stupid than American TV.

For thousands of years humankind has been threatened with it. Lives have been destroyed because of it.
And all the great minds that have spoken of it, and have themselves fallen victims to it, can be summarized thusly.

"It is a great mystery."

Bollocks !


Death simply doesn`t fit in anywhere on our C.V.`s

Attended Sutton Park Elementary School. 5 Years. Graduated with short trousers.
Attended East of Eden Intermediate School. 2 Years. Graduated with long trousers.
Attended West of the Wall High School. Graduated stoned.
Attended Smug University. Graduated bewildered.

Worked at Mc Donald`s for six months as a "Shift MANAGER. Twice chosen as `Staff member of the roster.`

Went $60,000 in Debt with student loans.
Traveled through Asia, and Russia. Learned to say "Help!" in twenty two different languages.
Took up extreme sports.

DEAD !!

                    Endless blank pages follow this final entry.

"We`ll let you know."

Death is non sequitur to life.

Inspect this.... Life could be summarized as a long series of trying to make sense, followed by a
sudden and irreversible dose of nonsense.

And the experts say. Its all a big mystery.

Bollocks.

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« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2012, 08:53:44 AM »

                                                SENSE OF WONDER

                                                    Part 13 b

                                                Death gives life a context.

We perceive a benefit. It connects with us on a deep emotional level. A mind is created to gather the wherewithal to fulfill this emotional desire. The object of our desire is made manifest.

But for that to occur we must disown something.

Think of a roulette table.
We place a bet on every number. And win our money back every spin of the wheel.
No profit. No loss.
In deed we conclude that it isn`t worth our time.
So now we disown all the odd numbers and own all the even numbers.
We put something on the trading table and create the time for the roulette wheel to spin.

We now have time and focus giving us interest and an experience.

The higher the stakes the more intense the experience. We have created a context which from within we get the experience payoff.

Now when we win it feels better than it did when we won our own stake back again every time.

More examples...

Imagine going to see a stunt man who sat in a stadium for an hour reading a newspaper, while risking a direct hit from a meteorite.

When you calculate the odds on this stunt man being hit by a meteorite during his death defying stunt, you lose interest and feel as if the stunt man is deluded.

What about the rich people who drive their flash cars through a testing station and pass their Warrant of Fitness every time without a hitch. They never get to experience the exhilaration experienced by the poor rust bucket owners when they finally get that sticker in their windscreen.

What has caused more frustration to the human experience than any other thing is this context underlying all experience.

By desiring a perceived benefit from an emotional experience, one must disown a portion of the context of the experience. One automatically creates an uncertain outcome. And that is what TIME is.

It`s what creates time. And it is an illusion.

We protest.... How are my circumstances a delusion. I`m hurting. If they were a delusion surely I could see through them and escape suffering.

But it is your desire that trapped you in the circumstances where you find yourself, but you are experiencing the part of the context that you disowned.

Simply re own the whole context and the delusion becomes apparent.

And if you can`t see how a delusion could run our lives just realize this.
We spend most evenings watching people pretend to be who they are not on TV.
We spend our nights running through corridors and finding Salvador Dali has decorated every room.

          Light can only exist when we disown the darkness.
                                                 
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