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Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #30 on: March 12, 2009, 04:42:52 AM »

                                  SENSE OF DOUBT

                                     Part 25
 
                                   Cold case.

The minutes ticked by.
I knew what I had to say.
It was like the first time I jumped off the high diving board as a kid.
You go..."Okay I`m going to jump in 3, 2, 1 Now. "
But my body wasn`t even slightly interested. It just froze.


I was using up valuable auditing time.
I felt like I was stuck in gridlock in a taxi watching the meter turning over.

"I`ll repeat the auditing question. Do you have a withhold ?"

I reached down again. ....  "I ....   I...... I...."

"Yes. Go on..." she encouraged sympathetically.

Unfortunately all that did was turn up the pressure.
She is putting herself into an emotionally vulnerable place where
what I`m going to say is only going to hurt worse.
This was a fucken nightmare.

Oh my God... Oh my God....

More time elapsed.
An hour passed.
Now a casual thought had developed into a full blown hostage stand off.
All the emergency service vehicles surrounded me. Negotiators were trying to
talk me into coming down and surrendering, through bull horns. The news helicopters were hovering overhead.

This was all too much.

I drew a deep breath, loaded my guns and went nuts.

" I`m a cave man. I stumble upon a cave woman wandering alone in the jungle.
I approach her from behind. She looks like Raquel Welsh in the movie "One million years BC." Well she does up till I get up close and she turns to look at me.
Her face is all melted. She must have fallen into a fire or a pool of lava.

I`m infuriated. I club her on the head and drag her back to my cave.
My wife is out rummaging for berries or being chased by a dinosaur.
Maybe I didn`t even have a wife. I don`t know.
I started to rape this semi conscious cave woman that I`d caught.
But her face is just so repulsive.
I decide to murder her. I cut her head off with some sharp stones
and throw it on the fire.

Then I stick my dick in the hole in her neck and fuck her like a cooked
chicken. Then I smash her to bits like Jack the ripper would have.
Blood, guts  and snot are flying everywhere.

I decide to move to a new cave.

"Your needle is floating."

I almost broke into a run as we went to the examiner.
If your needle doesn`t float at the examiners you have to go back
into session.
I tried to think of something pleasant. Come on... come on.
Freedom. Yes . Think of leaving the building.

I arrived at the examiners. My auditor, who had helped me so much already,
went looking for someone to check my meter.
Think of leaving the building...

Okay. Here is the examiner...
Looking at the meter now.
Looks at me......
"Your needle is floating."
YES !!!

I threw the cans down and "Elvis has left the building."

When I got home I phoned the org and told them I
wouldn`t be back.
An hour or so later the phone went.
Be here at 9:00 am tomorrow morning .
Wally will be auditing you.

"Okay. Bye."

In all the auditing I was to have over the next two decades that
gruesome  murder I committed was never to come up again.
Maybe someday archaeologists will unearth the crime scene and
the whole case will be reopened. But for now I feel pretty sure
I got away with it.

I don`t know what tipped me over the edge all those millenniums ago.
They say Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships.
I felt I`d seen something that would have sent them back again.
And I`m darn sure Helen of Troy never had saggy tits.
 

« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 09:07:58 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #31 on: March 15, 2009, 10:53:50 AM »

                           SENSE OF DOUBT

                                           Part 26

                                The cause of all man`s problems . Take 3.

   I was back in Wally`s auditing room the next morning. We continued with my program as if the previous day had never happened.
The general title of what my auditing was all about was "Life Repair."
More and more ARC break auditing. I was finding it all a bit mechanical.   But another hot item was always sex. Intimate moments I shared with others seemed  to have a habit of reading on the meter and Wally was duty bound to free my needle up on those encounters.
This was very personal stuff that I`d never have spoken of otherwise.
It was about then my attention was drawn to an intercom mounted high on the wall. I asked Wally what it was. He told me it was there so that the Case Supervisor could listen in and make sure standard tech was being applied in the auditing rooms. Then Wally whispered to me that he`d disconnected the wires
and he gave me a wink.

It struck me as being a bit weird... Wally was writing down every word I was saying. I became aware that for some people , people with reputations to maintain, or people in positions of power, this part of auditing would really be
risky. What if this stuff was used for blackmail... If it fell into the wrong hands.

Then there would be those who`d committed criminal offenses. Every detail
of the crimes would be recorded either in writing or possibly on tape.

I was in neither position, so these problems didn`t exist for me.
I was an open book.

But I was aware of the powerful emotions wrapped up in this subject.
It`s hard to think of a more vulnerable place for an individual to be than the confession box. It was generally understood that confession was good for the soul. But Hubbard went further. His angle was that some of a person`s attention
units would be trapped in the moments they had wandered from the straight and narrow. These attention units would then modify a persons behavior in the present. The force of these attention units would act like an engram moving the organism away from danger.

So say one had harmed members of the opposite sex. By the time they`d gotten away with it a few times, this trapped theta would repel a person from members of the opposite sex. Spread this phenomenon across the dynamics and
you have a being struggling through life trying to avoid all the hot spots.

So the being would be subconsciously minimizing himself in an  effort to prevent
himself from causing further harm.  Diagnostically one could then see that any subject that a person was withdrawing from in life would be a subject where he or she had accumulated many overts or harmful acts, apparantly over many lifetimes.

Without Scientology and the e meter, to find these otherwise hidden incidents,
there would be no recovery. The disintegration of the being was a certainty.
Getting off overts and withholds was how one saved their soul.
As added incentive Hubbard, had released a "Ron`s Journal" which stated
that some religions talk about hell. He claimed hell was nothing compared to
what really happened to a being who fell out the bottom of life.

That`s why it was important that I tell my auditor all the intimate details
of the times I had lured women, attractive and otherwise, back to my caves.
And it was interesting that these all read on the meter.
As a preclear I was betraying confidences with wild abandon.
It became clear to me that my future sexual identity was being modified.
I`m just dropping this in here as part of what I was subjected to.
However as you can probably guess I`ll be bringing this topic up again as
I dig myself back out of the cave Hubbard was luring me into.

But there is something else going on that is so obvious no one notices it.

By telling someone about these private moments you are inviting them in
as you would a true friend or a lover.

I have seen many a time where a preclear has fallen in love with their auditor.
Years later at Flag I was working with male auditors who would gloat over the fact that their female PC`s had masturbated whilst thinking about them.
Obviously this had been divulged in session as part of withhold pulling.

Now what happens when you share intimate moments with someone is you
place them on the opposite end of the scale to being an enemy.
You begin to feel that your auditor is the only person in the world
who understands you and cares about you.

Two things started to happen. Firstly I started to bond with my auditor.
I was falling in love with him.
Secondly I was feeling physical movement in my brain.
This was not like feeling heavy or any generalized sensation.
I was actually feeling creaking and resettling.
Like an old house as winters cold penetrates it after a hot summer.

I told Wally about it.
He said "It`s just some mental mass moving off.
I was feeling lighter . Maybe he was on to something.
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« Reply #32 on: March 18, 2009, 07:52:41 AM »

                                 SENSE OF DOUBT

                                        Part 27

                                Getting better all the time.

At one point I originated to Wally that I was still to run an engram.
According to what Hubbard had said in Dianetics any moments
of unconsciousness would have been recorded by the reactive mind.
Auditing out these engrams would bring those moments into my conscious mind
for the very first time.

During engram running I was supposed to be able to retrieve everything that happened around me while I`d been unconscious.
I`d had a hernia operation when I was eight years old.
So I went back to that moment, desperately wanting to find out what
had happened while I was under anesthetic. Try as I might I got nothing.
After a while I remembered being driven home from the hospital by
my father. As we passed an intersection I had a deja vu feeling.
Then I realized I`d been hovering above the intersection watching the
traffic whilst I was being operated on.

No engram there apparently.
What about that last assault before I left home at 15 ?
No. Apparently I experienced the whole thing in my conscious mind.

All I had left was birth and pre natals.
I squirmed and wriggled, as you do trying to escape this confined space.
But after a while I was putting more into it than I was getting out of it.

It seemed I was engram free. So I set off down the whole track looking
for moments of unconsciousness.
I spent a bit of time looking at my life as a Roman soldier.
Wasn`t it validating when I stood in a line as our paymaster dropped a small bag of salt in each soldiers hand. I opened it up and realized
my school teacher had been right. Roman soldiers were often paid with salt.

I also spent time back in the days of the pyramids with the Egyptians.
I saw images of myself in a long line of naked male slaves all taking turns
at giving Cleopatra a good rogering. Man she made Marilyn Chambers look frigid.

I even saw some life times millions of years ago where I was involved
in Space opera... just like scenes from Star Wars.

But none of these were engrams.
I quizzed Wally about it.
His response "You only accrue an engram when you don`t take responsibility for the incident."

This was new.

Here is what was happening. I would run out of material when answering questions about a certain subject.
Let me give an example.
I was relating specific moments where I felt like an unwanted child.
So I went back in time and came to the incident when I was kicked like
a football at age four.
But Wally then asks... "Is there an earlier similar incident ?"
I say "Not that I`m aware of."
He then acknowledges that and says "Let me just check that again.
Is there an earlier similar incident?....He checks the meter and says  "Looks like there is something there..."

So now I have to find something to answer the question.
I start to get imagery of brown colored brick buildings.
I have never seen these style of buildings.
Hang on a minute... Yes I have... on Coronation Street.
I`m in England and it is 1958. The year I was born.
I am a 20 year old male and my mother is kicking me out of home.
I was a drug user. Plus I owned an electric guitar.
Just like the one David Bowie is holding on the cover of "Ziggy Stardust."

I walk past a large hedge , just like the one at Mangere lawn cemetery.
I am so sad because I am an unwanted child that I take more drugs
and have a heart attack and drop dead at age 20.

My needle is floating.

You are not allowed out of an auditing session until you have a floating needle.
Kind of makes you wonder what could happen to your mind under these circumstances.
Would it provoke someone into inventing scenarios that would explain the
mysteries in their life?  Would these scenarios seem relevant to ones
present life ? Would those images seem as real as say hazy images of early childhood ?
It didn`t really matter. All I cared about was, the more I did it , the better I felt.
And after so many years of misery, I did so much want to feel better.


« Last Edit: March 18, 2009, 08:08:46 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #33 on: March 22, 2009, 07:46:46 AM »

                                  SENSE OF DOUBT

                                           Part 28.

                                  "Feel my anger. Thank you." 



While making my way to the Examiner after each auditing session I`d feel
as if I was floating. It felt as if I`d just  just gotten back from an adventure.
Kind of reminded me of the times I`d been up to the local cinema as a kid
for a Saturday matinee.
After the movie,you`d step out of the dark cinema into the bright sun and take a few moments to re adjust to the real world.

I`ve never tried it, but it would be interesting to see what holding the electrodes
(cans) of an e meter for several hours would do without any auditing.
After all, the meter is passing a half volt of electricity through your body
while you are hooked up.

I wonder if that would account for the feelings of euphoria??

My auditing was grinding to a halt.
I was asked by the examiner if I`d like to write a success story,
 as she thrust a clip board at me.

I wrote; "I have definitely changed. I feel different. And as I know I`m not worse, I can only conclude that I am better."

It is interesting to look at this in retrospect.
The fact of the matter is, the only long term gain I got in about one hundred
hours of auditing, was what happened when I left my auditor behind and
took off on my own to confront death.
I was gone for maybe three hours. Nothing was said.
I was not being audited at that time. However as it occurred in an auditing session I mistakenly attributed it to Hubbard`s brilliant technology.

I`m not trying to sound like some sort of hero here. The truth of the matter is I was shit scared. But I held that fear and embraced it. When I came back the fear
was gone. Soon I`ll tell you what really happened and how it could help you to
reconnect with who you really are.

I was put back in the academy where I pursued my training with vigor.

That feeling of love and joy I`d experienced was something I realized was
available to everybody and I assumed that Scientology could deliver it.
So I started bringing people into Scientology. Friends, family, people I`d meet
at work or on public transport. I literally walked hundreds of people through the
Auckland Scientology organization.

I`d learned to do a thing called a "touch assist."
This is a procedure taught on the HQS course for handling body problems.
There is a strict procedure to follow. However what one is doing by touching
a person on alternate sides of their body is drawing their attention to it.
You are coaxing the spirit to get back into communication with their body.
It`s obvious that a person with a sore leg is not in good communication with that leg. Restore the communication and healing occurs. Makes sense.

My younger brother Bruce was feeling out of sorts. I brought him into the org with me the next evening and asked if I might borrow an auditing room to run
a touch assist on him.

I really loved Bruce. We had been through a lot together and my enthusiasm for David Bowie`s music had exposed Bruce to this cutting edge art as well.
We were both avid fans.

I began the touch assist. "Feel my finger. Thank you. Feel my finger. Thank you."
Every so often I`d inquire about his condition.
Seems he just had a general feeling of being unwell.
I spent over an hour with him. But there was no change.

He was probably just bored when he originated that he was feeling a little better.
That was my cue. "Okay. End of touch assist."
I`d seen a hundred times what was done next. I took my PC to up
to Qual, sat him down and called out "Examiner."

Much to my surprise Dave Theobold, came out from behind a partition
walked out into the passage way where I was standing and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. He shunted me down the passage way around a corner and held me against a wall. With his hand almost choking me, he put his face up to mine and threatened "It`s examiner PLEASE !"

He released his grip on my neck, and wandered casually back to Qual and took my brother`s exam.

I was just baffled by this. You know this behavior from the guy who`d
assured me that Hubbard would not condone this type of violence when I`d been
assaulted by Paul Godfrey.

This was just nuts.

Bruce`s needle didn`t float.
That means that Qual would lose all their stats if this wasn`t handled within
24 hours. But I didn`t know that at the time.

The next evening I was back on course.
I stayed back late that evening to help the org fold pamphlets for a bulk mail out.
Then I took the late bus home.
As I entered the house my younger brother Lloyd, was standing there. He 
said three words that still haven`t really sunk in...

"Bruce is dead."

He was 18 years old.








« Last Edit: March 24, 2009, 11:26:52 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #34 on: March 23, 2009, 09:07:29 AM »

                                SENSE OF DOUBT

                                         Part 29

                                 It`s happening outside.

I walked through the house to find my mother standing stunned in the kitchen.  My new found view point on life inspired a few words of comfort to her.
I said "He`s not dead. He`s just left his body."

Years later I was told that when my older brother and sister had arrived to break the
sad and unexpected news to mum, they`d walked in , but before they had a chance to say anything my mother had said "It`s Bruce isn`t it."

Apparantly Bruce had been out with a friend and as was typical of teenagers those days, they had a car with a dodgy battery. They`d been visiting a friend
but when it came time to leave the car engine wouldn`t turn over.

Bruce had climbed out and was attempting to push the car so they could jump start it. What was not known by anyone was that Bruce had been born with
a heart defect. The strain of pushing the car had caused his heart to fail.
He dropped to the ground and it was all over.

I went out to my sleep out.
There are so many emotions running through your mind at a time like this.
I was worried about how Bruce was coping with the loss of his body.
As I lay there in the dark, tears formed in my eyes.
If only I could have a few moments with you Bruce. Just to tell you how
much I care for you.

And there he was.
I could feel him across the room.
Was I imagining it ?
Can a mother recognize her own baby by its scent ?

He said nothing. He was not afraid. I`d heard at the org that if
you encounter a disembodied thetan (spirit) you should say this to them...
"Pick up another body and get into scientology."
I told Bruce this.
He seemed amused.  He looked around at all the David Bowie posters I had on the wall of my room.

Then he was gone.

The next morning I awoke and felt that same calm presence that I`d experienced after the time I embraced death.
There is this timeless sparkle to everything.
It`s like your favorite song  has entered your soul.

I went inside and just fluffed around. Nobody was saying much.
At some point my older sister arrived. We hadn`t seen each other since it
happened. We embraced.
It came up somehow that the lady we had lived next door to where
we grew up needed to be told. She had since moved to Papatoetoe
and no one knew her phone number.
My older sister offered to drive me to her new home so we
could tell her about Bruce.

So we set off up Buckland Road , did the short dog leg of Portage
road and then headed towards Papatoetoe along Station Road.
We could have done this at any time that morning.
A phone call could have delayed our departure.
Someone could have started a conversation that would have held us up
for a few seconds.
But no. We left at that exact time and were now on Station Road at that
precise moment.

My attention was gently pulled towards the traffic coming towards us.
And there to my utter disbelief was David Bowie.

He was driving a yellow four wheel drive and we passed each other.
"Holy fuck !!!!!!   That was David Bowie !!!"
My sister looked at me speechless.

I tried to gather my senses.
Okay. I`m in shock. I`m hallucinating. No. That was him alright.
But how is it possible the biggest rock star in the world ,at the time, was driving through my poky little town ???

My body couldn`t contain my excitement.
I was on an emotional roller coaster ride. Every cell in my body was tingling.
I just saw David Bowie. This is the most priceless gift anybody could have ever given me.

That evening my phone rang. It was a buddy of mine.
He said. "You`re not going to believe this.... I have a friend who works at Henderson Rentals and you`ll never guess who came in today and
rented a yellow four wheel drive..."
"Was it David Bowie ????"

"How the fuck did you know that ? he asked.
"Because I saw him driving down Station Road in Papatoetoe."

I have further confirmation that I wasn`t hallucinating.
In 1999 Susan Wood interviewed Bowie on TV via satellite.
She asked him if he`d ever gotten out and about here in New Zealand.
He replied that he`d rented a four wheel drive and drove about 20 minutes
south of Auckland and back.

Now of course despite the billions to one chance of all these variables coming together in perfect unison, some could speculate that it was all just an amazing coincidence.

But I have a different take on it. It`s a personal one.

Bruce... Thank you so much for your wonderful gift.
You must have been so pleased with yourself to have pulled it off.
Every time I think about it, my heart is filled with absolute love
for the great mystery that we all share, known as LIFE.

  Cue  "Heroes."

           
« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 09:09:21 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #35 on: March 29, 2009, 08:34:24 AM »

                            SENSE OF DOUBT

                                         Part 30

                                    Billion year baby

  The next evening I went into the org. News about Bruce had gotten around. And pretty soon I was taken in for an auditing session. An elderly gentleman named Phil took me in. He asked me to tell him about hearing the news of Bruce`s death.  He was getting me to run the incident as an engram. So I went back to the moment I came through the front door and heard the news.
Then he insisted I go through it again, and again, and again. I was just not getting into it. I told Phil that this was just a waste of time. But he assured me that we needed to run it through again.
So I did one more time. I put myself right back there as if it was happening again.

Gees. I`m done with this. Phil started to get angry with me. He was like a school teacher forcing his student to complete his homework assignment.

I tried to calm him down. "Listen ... This is just a waste of time. I`ve had enough of this." How could I get it through to him ?

After an hour or so Phil finally gave up and took me to the Examiner.
Just my luck ... It`s fucken Dave Theobold. My needle didn`t float.
I thanked Dave for letting me know this with my best table manners.
The last thing I needed right now was another assault.

The next day I was standing outside a funeral home in Otahuhu.

It was a sunny day and I thought of all the things Bruce and I could have been doing.
I entered the building and a pleasant lady escorted me to a room where
a single coffin was on display.

It was open and I peered in. Man this is a sobering experience.
He`s laying there as if frozen in time. Still and silent.
I felt powerless.
I could hear the sounds of life outside. Through the net curtains I could see cars
and the occasional person go by.
Then I began to feel agitated, like a teenager stuck at home on a Saturday night.
I turned around and walked out.

The next morning when I awoke Bruce was there waiting for me.
No. I couldn`t see or hear him. It was just a presence.
But as obvious to me as a chord change in a song.

Later that day I was at the funeral.
My father was there.
Neither of us made eye contact.

That night I was back in session.
This time it was Dick Povall sitting in the drivers seat.
He got me hooked up and tuned in then asked what the
deal was with the session I`d had with Phil.
I told him it was unnecessary to run Bruce`s death as an
engram or a secondary.
A secondary is a moment of loss that restimulates and activates
an engram. Then every time it gets activated thereafter it becomes a lock.
So one ends up with a chain of incidents all with a common theme.

Dick enquired why it hadn`t been necessary to run the loss out.
I explained that Bruce had appeared to me minutes later and
although I was frustrated at my ignorance of what was going on
I hadn`t actually suffered a loss. Not on a level that unhinged me.
"Your needle is floating."

A few days later I was asked to come in to the org to see a Sea Org member
named Andrew Stevens.
He had also been a musician and we struck a chord together.
Andrew had actually played saxophone on a record I had.
It was a song called "Learning about living" by a band called "Animal farm."
It came out in 1971 and I had it on a record of the Loxene Golden disc awards finalists.
I`m pretty sure the song "Smiley"  by Craig Scott won that year.

Andrew invited me to join the elite of Scientology...The Sea org.

He assurred me that my desire to understand life and help others
would be fulfilled by like minded people who had dedicated their
lives to just that cause.

I did so much want to see an end to suffering.
He pulled out the contract.
Did I read that right ?  "A billion years.!"
Andrew explained it was a big job.

Mmmm.... I mentally checked my diary.
Apparently there was nothing in it.

So I had the choice.... spend my eternity salvaging this sector of
the galaxy, or putting on weight and blocking supermarket isles like everyone
else...

The choice was obvious.   I signed.





« Last Edit: May 09, 2009, 05:17:10 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #36 on: April 05, 2009, 12:43:40 PM »

                                     SENSE OF DOUBT

                                        Part 31.

                                     Cuts both ways.


I really had no idea what I was in for by joining the Sea Org.

I had a desire to understand life and to help other people.
The nearest Sea Org base was in Sydney Australia.
So that meant having to leave everything I knew behind me
and set off into an uncertain future.

Naturally I told my family and friends that I would be moving to Australia.
One night I was walking a girl home whom I`d been having a relationship with.
I`d taken her into the org and she was doing the communication course.
As we walked I could hear something rattling in her bag.
"What`s that rattling in your bag?" I asked.
"Just some pills." she replied.

"But what are you taking pills for?"
She had no answer.
I persisted

After a while she broke down and told me,
"They are in case I can`t cope."
"Cope with what?" I asked.

"In case I can`t cope with losing you."
I had no idea she felt like that about me.

The next day when I went into the org I told Andrew what had happened the
previous night.
I was passed around from desk to desk until I was put at a desk with
a pen and paper and told to do an O/W write up.

It was explained to me that somewhere else in the org the girl
in question was doing the same thing.
Apparently the reason she felt sad about me leaving was because she had committed overts on me.

According to what I was told , if a person can be the adverse effect of
something it is because they have harmed that thing.
I was now unable to join the Sea Org because of the PR flap that would occur if this girl topped herself. I was the adverse effect of this girl.
And she was threatening suicide if I was to go. So she had overts on me.

I was told that when I`d finished writing down every evil deed I had done to this girl I would be sent to the examiner to see if my needle floated.

I`d just come out of over 100 hours of auditing. Surely I didn`t have any more
secrets. 

Then I was told about the two different types of overt.
There was the one I already knew about. An overt of commission.
That`s where one actively does something harmful to the dynamics.
Maybe something like fraud.

Now I learned about the overt of omission.
This is where failing to act could be an overt.
Say for example I became aware of fraud and stayed quiet about it.
This opened up a whole new door.
It seemed to be a bottomless pit.
There was all the litter I`d never picked up.
There was all the charities I hadn`t donated to.
The starving millions in third world countries that I`d never fed.
Luckily I had to stay on topic and just write down my overts of omission
and commission relevant to this particular girl.

The way it was done was by thinking of something you`d done, or not done, that you  didn`t want the world to know about. Then write a short explanation under the following four headings.
Time. Place. Form, and Event.

Here is an example...
TIME
Mid 1979

PLACE
Auckland. New Zealand

FORM.
This was an overt of commission.
Specifically, orchestrating the break up of a relationship
to serve ones own ends.
 
EVENT.
A strategy was put in place to introvert and dis empower the party deemed of value to us and to terrorize the other into silence. This was justified as being for the greater good. Despite the fact that it was contrary to the PR line taken.



As I began to write I told Pat Illingworth that what I was writing was going
to be of a very personal and sensitive nature and I didn`t want it bandied around. 
She assured me that  my write up would be turned over to the Case Supervisor
by the examiner and would not go anywhere else.

When I put the pen down an hour or so later, I marched up to the examiner
and passed the floating needle test.
I went and made myself a cup of tea and awaited further instructions.
Soon after that I was taken to the Ethics officer. Much to my surprise
Lynnaire Ensor was sitting at her desk just turning the last page of my write up.
She looked at me and said..."You need to get your ethics in !!!"

By the end of the night I was aware of six people who had read my write up.

I waited at reception. The girl who`d threatened suicide walked out escorted by
Vicky Dickey. She looked like she was about to explode.
I drove her home.
She said nothing. I never saw or heard from her again.

I`ve no idea what was done to her behind those closed doors.
All I know is something more motivational than love or suicide had
intervened.
Seems Andrew Stevens didn`t want to know me after this episode.
He returned to Sydney empty handed.

This wouldn`t be the last time I would witness Scientology interfering
in peoples personal relationships.
And I`ve also seen opportunities where Scientology could have used
their "How to save your marriage" technology to salvage a marriage
but it was withheld.

It seems that if one partner was not an asset to scientology`s
aims of a world without war, crime and insanity then preserving that
marriage was of no interest to them.

And there lies my example of an overt of omission.


« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 09:09:58 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #37 on: April 07, 2009, 07:59:10 AM »

                                 SENSE OF DOUBT

                                       Part 32

                                  Clear as mud.


Pretty much from this point forward I was contacted at least once
a day via phone. It seemed as if the moment anyone at Scientology had a
thought, I`d get a phone call.
Somebody was in town from overseas and they wanted to see me.
Or there was a briefing I had to attend. But mainly it was to confirm that
I was confirmed for an upcoming event.

One such event was a special new release and "all scientologists had to attend."

I arrived with three friends at the Ellen Melville Hall that Saturday evening.
As we entered the lobby the stairs were in darkness a drum was being struck
every five seconds somewhere up on a higher level.
As one ascended the stairs there were little alcoves with live works of art in them. There was a motorcycle crash scene with enough gore to satisfy any seasoned rubber necker. Then there was a guy laying in the gutter with a syringe
in his arm. All these scenes of human decadence.
The live models in each scene were motionless. It was really surreal.

Then at the top of the stairs one went through a curtain, out of the darkness
and into the bright lights of the main hall. This is where the event was to be held.
The place was filling up nicely. Double the amount of people  that I`d seen at
earlier events. Liesa Collins was there to greet each person as they entered.
She smiled warmly and pointed out that each person was actually walking on a small bridge. When you looked down ...sure enough she was right.

Someone had constructed a small ramp to symbolize Hubbard`s bridge to total freedom. It was a bit wobbly.

The event started with a woman talking about how much Hubbard cared about us and had spent many years researching how people could get more gains per hour of auditing.

The result was now proudly being announced. NED was here.
New Era Dianetics.  Auditing was now going to be 80% faster.
All those who had crashed and burned in their prior auditing could now avail themselves to NED and finally achieve the elusive state of clear.

There were many sighs of relief throughout the room.
When it was all over a large portrait of Hubbard was pointed to and a standing
ovation followed. Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray.

Registrars were located at desks positioned around the exit door allowing
each person a chance to see how they could take advantage of Hubbard`s new
discoveries. It turns out Hubbard had not put all his new discoveries into a book
that one could buy for a couple of bucks. NED was a course that could only be done in a Scientology academy. It wasn`t cheap.

Hubbard must have been so busy. A few weeks later there was an announcement.
Now that NED had clarified what the state of clear was, it was suspected that
many scientologists had actually gone clear, but hadn`t noticed it.
The clear check was released.
It was only $50. Before long there was a stream of scientologists being
brought through to the academy to be announced as CLEAR.

A large bit of cardboard was mounted in the passageway beside the HGC and
within a week there were one hundred signatures on it of newly attested clears.

Wally Collis was doing the clear checks, and I`d use any excuse to have a chat with him so I paid my $50 and the next day I was back in Wally`s auditing room.
I was excited. Maybe I to was clear. Let`s see.

I held the cans and Wally asked me ."When do you think you might have gone clear ?". I closed my eyes and scanned my memory for any blips.

Yeah...I had something.  I see a ship. This is the lifetime when I was Sigmund Freud. I saw the ship sinking just like the Titanic had.
I used all my attention to try to make sense of this.
Then I recalled a conversation I`d had with a colleague about this wonderful
feeling that had come over me one evening in my study, as I lay on my psychiatrists couch. I`d been mentally going through my latest theory regarding the mind when I was overcome with a feeling of love and connectedness to everything.
I`d told my colleague about this and felt devastated when he poo poo`d the
idea. I took a boat trip shortly after and the memory of that conversation had
sent me into a severe depression. The boat hadn`t sunk. I`d such a clear memory of wishing it would.
It`s like all my lifes work had been for nought.

Wally asked me to return to the moment I thought I`d gone clear.
I was back on the couch.
"What year is this ? " he asked.

......" Nineteen hundred and thirty five."
"What time ?"
 ............ Five ...............Oh shit...!!!
Time disappeared. The seconds all melted into one long stream of consciousness then I transcended it.
I was drifting outside of the physical universe.
The total love and joy I was experiencing was indescribable.

Wally called me back..."Your needle is floating."

I was bundled up and rushed off to the examiner.
"Your needle is floating."
Next thing I`m being announced to the course room as the "latest
person to achieve the state of clear."

I was applauded. It felt wonderful. People were smiling.
Here I was on top of the world, and people weren`t beating me up.
I was being accepted. I could feel the tears in my eyes.

The Course supervisor could sense how special this moment was for me.
"And let`s give a hand to LRH. "
Yeah why not. I didn`t care who crashed my party.

I signed the big poster in the HGC (Hubbard guidance centre.)
I was Clear number 124 in New Zealand.

I was still busy bringing new people into scientology.
This always included a tour through the building.
It`s then that I noticed my PC folders, all four of them, on the auditors admin
desk. There were all sorts of books and references open.
Someone had been busy looking at my case.

When I saw them later they were short one folder and the there was a package
of brown wrapping paper containing what I assumed was the most recent one.
Written on it was...
"CONFIDENTIAL !! FOR L. RON HUBBARD`S EYES ONLY."
All in bright red marker pen.

Within a few weeks a new technical bulletin came down on a priority basis.
I read it with interest.
Hubbard was declaring that it was impossible to go clear with psychoanalysis.
Only Dianetics can produce a clear. No other therapy or practice that has
ever existed will produce the state of clear. It is a new state in this universe.

I waited for my clear status to be withdrawn.
But it never was.
Was I still clear ?
I`d never audited out any engrams.
And Hubbard didn`t invent the state of Clear till 1950.
Yet I went clear in 1935.
It had been verified on the e meter.

I`d have to wait several months before Hubbard invented the "Clear certainty Rundown."

Then I`d be able to clear up whether or not I was clear.

« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 09:10:23 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #38 on: April 08, 2009, 09:56:48 AM »

                                 SENSE OF DOUBT

                                    Part 33

                                Lethal weapon.

I wasn`t concerned about whether or not I was clear. I was noticing that
all those who had attested to the state of clear were just as crazy as ever.
When I brought this up I was told that if someone was made into a clear, yet
they had no training, they would revert back to the same old behavioral patterns.

I was even shown a reference in Hubbard`s Scientology technical dictionary.
It was the words "Cleared cannibal." Hubbard explained that if you cleared a cannibal he would continue to eat people, but he`d be the best at it out of all the cannibals.

Not knowing any fine young cannibals I had to take Hubbard`s word for it.

However I was shown some new material that I found fascinating.
It was Hubbard`s dissemination technology.
Based around a four step procedure, it is a mind control tool which , correctly
used renders the victim putty in your hands.

Over the years I came to master this process. I`d actually go so far as to say
I have never seen anyone apply it better than I could. Even top Scientology execs.

Like everybody else, I get religious people knocking at my door.
I am always highly amused at how ineffective they are.
Their techniques are so bad I stare at them in disbelief.
They are essentially sales people and I`ve encountered actual sales people who are just as useless.

I want to teach you some of what I`ve come to learn on the subject. And I invite any critiques or opinions on the following. I never apply this stuff myself anymore.
However I`m still interested in the subject.

Here is the bottom line.  People buy what they need. They are "sold" what they don`t need.

If you listen to a sales guy training salesmen. He`ll inevitably tell you...
"It`s a numbers game." You approach 1,000 people and you get one sale.
So approach 2.000 people and you get two sales.
Naturally it follows that if you want five sales.....you have to ....

And that`s what these religious groups are doing. They are approaching thousands of people waiting to find the person who life`s circumstances have already placed in an emotional space where a close is assured.

Yet I can assure you, I could go out with these religious doorknockers and get
a close one for one. I`m not talking about something I imagine I could do.
I actually did it. What would be the hardest thing in the world to sell ?
We`ll I can assure you it is Scientology. It has a PR image from hell.
It`s over priced and ... well here is an example. In all the years I worked in
Scientology public divisions, I only ever once had someone walk in wanting Scientology. This guy came in one Saturday afternoon holding a Scientology pamphlet and he liked the colour of it.

He then proceeded to tell me the FBI had placed a bugging device in his tooth.
I told the people listening in, that I was sending their agent back out on the street.


So ..zero reach for Scientology from the world.

What I learned from Hubbard is that you don`t wait for Life`s circumstances to
place a person in the frame of mind where they are susceptible to your charms.

You manipulate them into a frame of mind where what you are selling becomes desirable to them.

So say you are pushing the sale of a screw driver on a guy... Rather than
tell him the merits of your screwdriver... Why not just find an area of his life where he has a screw lose.

Here are the steps
1.) Contact
2.) Handle
3.) Salvage
4.) Bring to understanding.

A book could be written on each of these steps. And any sales technique could be placed into one of these categories.

The steps must be accomplished in order. If you don`t fully achieve the step
you are on, the next one won`t open up for you.

But realize this, if a sale takes place, these steps were all in.
If you didn`t know these steps, then you just got lucky. You found your
one in a thousand.

Contact ) Is all about getting a rapport with the person. Reading them and tuning in. The mistake people make here is including time into the equation.
You just stay tuned in to the person till you have their trust.

Handle.) Once you are positioned as a friend (genuine or not)
in the persons mind, you can mention what you are all about.
Watch and listen for any hesitancy from the prospect.
Take up any negativity the person has on this subject and
handle it till you reestablish the bond you had prior to the intrusion of this new element.

Say for example you are selling God to someone and they say "But Religion has
caused more human suffering than any other single subject in the world."
You could point out to them that God isn`t a member of any religion.
Just make sure you are putting their mind at ease on the subject.

Salvage.)  Here one finds the person`s "ruin".
You are looking for an aspect of the persons life that they would like
to have resolved. Sometimes this is best achieved by getting the person
to imagine their life as they would wish it to be.
You must get the person emotionally involved at this stage.
They must get the experience of having an ideal scene.
Then you ask them what is preventing them from achieving that.

" My current partner is holding me back."
" I can`t seem to make enough money."
" I can`t seem to lose weight."
" I`m disorganized."
" I`m too shy."
" My carpet is a depressing colour."
" I hate my job."
It doesn`t matter what their ruin is.

Ask them how they`d feel if this aspect of their lives was completely resolved.

Bring to understanding.)
This is where you dangle the solution in front of them.
No selling is needed. The person has now been manipulated into a position
where you hold the keys to their happiness and contentment for the small fee of
.......

That`s the close.
If they don`t rush for their cheque book you have fucked up an earlier step.
Simple as that.

The above is the basic steps. I could write a book on each of the steps.

But was the thing you sold the person really the solution to their problems?
Well that`s a whole other subject. If your confidence in the product or service you are selling diminishes, it will create an ethical dilemma for you.

I sold Scientology products and services for years. I was good at it.
I believed what I was selling would solve these peoples problems.

Pressure was being put on me to join staff at the local Scientology org.
I had been handled so incompetently by the existing staff, that I knew the New Zealand public had no chance of getting onto Hubbard`s bridge to total freedom without my help.

Oh...What to do ??

« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 09:10:49 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #39 on: April 09, 2009, 09:30:00 AM »

                                   SENSE OF DOUBT

                                            Part 34

                                    Slave to freedom


I had been working for a Private Detective till he was sent to jail for blackmailing
someone. The Police case against him was presented by Detective Inspector
Bruce Hutton. He was the guy who it was later discovered had orchestrated the
planting of false evidence at the crime scene in the Crew Murders. Causing
one Arthur Allan Thomas to have to endure two high court trials and over eight
years in jail for a crime he absolutely never committed.

My boss was out of jail now, but a new Bill had been passed as a result of his trial.
It became known as the Private Investigators and security guards act.
The Bill had stipulated that Private Detectives should be licensed, and that
they had no criminal convictions in the last ten years, also that they be over the age of twenty.
So that ended both our careers.

Ray, my boss, was absolutely set up by Bruce Hutton.
I know this for a fact. I was working for him at the time.

A year and a half passed before Ray was released from jail.
Ray was quite the entrepreneur and had purchased a do up house that we
were both working on. One day while I was doing some painting a news flash
came over the radio. "Eleven top Scientologists have been arrested in the United States and Canada for burglarizing Government offices."

I dropped what I was doing and phoned the org.
Terry Nicholson answered the phone.
I told him what I`d just heard. Apparantly it was old news to Terry.
He`d already been briefed on it, before the media got a hold of it.

Terry explained that the whole thing had been a set up. It wasn`t as serious as it sounded, and that in fact all the staff were laughing about it.

I had just had personal experience of the carnage a bent cop could create,
so I easily fell for the PR angle Scientology was taking.

When Detective Inspector Bruce Hutton was publicly exposed for setting up
Arthur Allan Thomas, as portrayed  in the film "Beyond Reasonable Doubt, based on the book of the same name by David Yallop, Hutton resigned from the Police force and purchased a farm in Mangere.

It was just pure coincidence that one of the properties that backed onto his farm was being leased by a Scientology front group called Narcanon.
I went out there one time as I had a friend who was out of control with his drinking.
There were three staff there and no customers whatsoever.
Dave Fulton seemed to be in charge. The other two were Brian Moore and Dave Sampson.  Brian and Dave  F. explained how they got someone off drugs and alcohol.

There was a thing called the sweat program. Substance abusers were required to take vitamins, jog and sauna, meanwhile doing the Communication Course.

My friend decided it was easier to be a substance abuser than do all that.

Finally I succumbed to all the pressure to join staff at the local org.
I signed the two and a half year contract late on a Friday night.
I had stipulated that I was willing to do any job except doing the initial contact
surveys out on the street.
It was agreed.

I had to take a bus in on Saturday morning for my first day as a Scientology staff member. I ended up arriving a few minutes late and was told off by Lynnaire Ensor. When I was shown where my basket was in the communication center I discovered someone had already sent me a welcome to the team note.
It was a "Late chit" from Gwen Keon. Five chits and there would be an ethics hearing .

I just felt like getting all my overts and walking straight out the fucking door.
These Scientologists were extremely fascinating as people, but so short sighted, it never ceased to amaze me.

There was absolutely no personal benefit to me in being there.
The pay was often around $2.00 for a forty hour week.
I was openly disliked by 90 % of the staff.
I realized that no one in their right mind would stay in this asylum.

So ... who was going to save the world ?

If I didn`t pitch in and do my bit who would ?
No one was stepping up to the plate.
People were out there suffering. Ron had found the way out.
Oh fuck it. I`m here now. May as well make the most of it.

I was taken down to see the Staff section officer and was given a
program of courses I had to do to train me for my job.
Then I had to sign a promissory note that I would be liable for the full cost
of this training should I ever break my staff contract.

So immediately I was financially obligated to stay for the length of the contract.
I guess that was Hubbard`s way of inspiring you to stay with the program.
See... I had no personal reason to be there. But now I had a reason to not, not be there.

An event was being promoted. This was going to be the  big one.
Hubbard had discovered what was behind the downfall of society.
The cause of all mans problems, take four.

Now I wasn`t getting a stream of phone calls to reconfirm, that the reconfirmation of me confirming I would attend each event was confirmed.
We as staff were informed that failure to attend this event would result in
an automatic treason assignment.

Treason is the only crime in New Zealand where one can still, to this day, receive the death penalty.

This was serious stuff.

« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 09:11:11 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #40 on: April 10, 2009, 10:27:25 AM »

                                 SENSE OF DOUBT

                                              Part 35

                                          Run like hell

I was posted in Division six in the Auckland Foundation org. Foundation hours
were nine till five weekends and six till ten week nights. Division six was responsible
for getting new people into Scientology. The main tool for this was as follows.
A person would stand on Queen Street at the entrance to The Imperial Arcade
with a clip board doing a fake survey.

Once he had hooked a public individual his job was to get them upstairs to the testing center. Here the person would be passed to the testing I/C (in charge).
He`d set them up to fill in the 200 question personality test.

When they`d finished that he would draw their results on a graph and present
that and the person to the test evaluator.
His job was to go over the results with the person and point out the persons ruin.
Then the person was turned over to the registrar who would sign the person up for a course. If the person was a tourist, unavailable for a course,  or not interested in a course then at the very least they were to be sold a book.
If they did sign up for a course then they were taken to the Basic Course room
and turned over to the Basic Course Supervisor.

You see the assembly line method here.
That was five people, five different functions. During the evenings we had those
posts covered. There was mediocre success. However on the weekends I held
all five posts myself and had a 100 % success rate.

Yes I was good. But it also shows the assembly line approach wasn`t
very effective in the Public area.

The reason it fell apart was ,  the fourth and fifth terminals were having to deal with a person whom they knew nothing about. As soon as the person balked
they had no data to work with. This would often be exasperating for the new customer.

It was only a matter of a week or two and I was promoted to the position of
Public Executive Secretary. I was the boss of the public division for Auckland Foundation.

I started to receive phone calls from FOLO ANZO.
These were my Sea Org bosses in Sydney.

At first these were very welcome. I was booming the org with an influx of new people. So the calls were highly complimentary.
Here was how an average evening would have worked, as it was set up.

Staff muster at 6:00 pm.
Then I`d meet with my juniors in Div 6 and set them all up for the evening.
Even before that was over I`d have other terminals (that`s staff members in earth speak) queuing up to see me.
Each had a program from up lines to implement and they all seemed to revolve around me.
So I`d be given some orders by the E/D (Executive Director)
Followed by some orders by the Deputy E/D.
As soon as she stood up the LRH Comm(unicator) would take the chair.
Next was the Flag Rep. More targets to be met.
Then the Dissem sec. More quotas to be met.
During these meetings I`d be called to the phone to get orders from
my two seniors in Australia.
Then the book store officer was there telling me to sell more books.
If there was a Sea Org mission over I`d get orders from them as well.
Okay 10:00 pm .. Time to go home.

I had at least nine people giving me orders that all MUST BE DONE NOW !!

It`s lucky I`d been a fan of Monty Python, otherwise I could have taken this insanity seriously.

Let me give you a very real example of how I became so unpopular;

Bookstore Officer : "Why aren`t you selling books ?"
Me : "Because I`m sitting here talking to you."
B/S Officer : Don`t be a smart arse.
Me : Okay. Who do you want me to sell a book to ?
B/S Officer. " I don`t give a shit. Anybody. Don`t put C/I (Counter intention) on  the lines "
Me : Okay. Here is a book. It`s $40."
B/S Officer : "I already have it."
Me : "Well what`s one you don`t have ?"
B/S Officer : "You fucken arsehole !!"
Me: " I just wanted to prove I don`t have C/I to selling books."
B/S Officer." Just.... just sell six books tonight before you go home."
Me : "Which six do you want ? "


I was quickly learning that having a sense of humour was not an asset for a Scientology staff member. It wasn`t just my imagination either. Hubbard had written a policy called "Jokers and degraders."
In it, he is scathing about anyone finding something to laugh at on the subject of Scientology, particularly if it involved him.

Making people happy was no laughing matter.

The event I`d talked about earlier was happening on Saturday evening and
I was part of the push to make this event a success.
In fact I already knew what the new release was. The speaker for the event
was  an old time scientologist brought in from the cold to give credibility to
the importance of this new release.
It was a guy named Maurice Harding. He was an OT. Maybe OT 7.
He had the official release speech and he was rehearsing it in my Division.

After he gave it a run through. He was given a critique by Bruce Gibson the
guy in charge of "The Guardians Office." Which is now called "OSA."
This is Scientology`s Intelligence department and it`s all Top Secret ,classified stuff that they do.

Anyway.. Bruce suggested that Maurice inject a bit more , well actually ANY,
enthusiasm into this new milestone in the salvation of mankind.

But Maurice just delivered it as a monotone.
This guy was flat lining.
Bruce was dumbfounded.
"Maurice.... You sound like you are delivering a funeral. Look... You need
to get punchy with the lines." Bruce repeated a line from the speech with
some drama and hand gestures.

Maurice tried again. But he just couldn`t cut it. He sounded as sincere as a guy selling tyres on a TV ad. He was doing his inappropriate, mis timed gestures,
like throwing his hands in the air to emphasize the word "the."

It was too late for Bruce to get anyone else.
So I watched him driven to despair as he tried to get this OT to exude enthusiasm.

What was so ironic was that the new release was anti drugs.
And I`d never seen a speaker in more need of a snort of coke.
Maybe if we slipped something into his juice bottle.

That evening "The Purification Rundown " was released.
Finally we had the tools to handle the one thing that was preventing
mankind from going free. Drugs.

Ron had discovered that any drugs taken would remain in the fatty tissue of
the human body. We were all polluted. Over time bits of these drugs would work their way lose causing the drugs to go back into our blood streams to a greater or lesser degree.
To remedy it Ron had designed a program which over a three week, on average,
period would purge all the poisons including drugs, alcohol and radiation from
a persons body causing a renewed vigor for life and a clarity of mind.

All one had to do was take certain vitamins, run and sauna.

Hang on a minute... Wasn`t this the sweat program Narcanon had been using for years with mediocre success ?

I`d been told, off the record, that a doctor who had dabbled in scientology here
in Auckland  had been the originator of the sweat program.
His name was Dr John Hilton. But it was actually his brother from Tauranga who
had invented the sweat program.

So maybe Hubbard had just improved on that. I couldn`t spot the difference
till I heard the price of the Purif. Yes there was a vast difference.

A few days later and the very first sign ups for the purif started to appear
in the org. As there were problems getting twins for some of these paying customers various staff were appointed to do the program with them.

I couldn`t believe my eyes one evening, when I came in early for post, to see Trish Illingworth taking the prescribed daily vitamins for the purif.
She had a coffee mug full of them.

I wasn`t surprised that she was required to go for a run after taking them.
What surprised me was that she could stop.


« Last Edit: June 06, 2011, 05:27:28 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #41 on: April 12, 2009, 09:46:24 AM »

                             SENSE OF DOUBT

                                      Part 36.

                                  Out on the street

The very first public person to sign up was a guy named Rod Patterson.
Rod was not qualified to go on staff. That`s right ...certain people were deemed
by Hubbard to be unacceptable as staff members due to certain specific things
that had transpired in their past.

For example, having had any treatment by a psychologist or a psychiatrist
or, psych as Scientologists called them, barred one from ever joining staff.
And a big one for the Sea org was that you had never taken LSD.

These stipulations were not up for discussion. They were cut and dry.

It probably hasn`t occurred to most scientologists that auditing was supposed to undo any psychological damage done to a person, and that the Purif was supposed to completely handle any effects of previous drug use. Just read the promo.

So why couldn`t a previously unqualified person who`d achieved "clear" and who`d done the purif join staff ?
Hubbard by this fact, makes it clear that he himself had no confidence in the tech people were going into debt to pay for.

Rod met up with his twin, ( partner for the duration of the course) they
took their coffee mug of vitamins and set off down to Queen Street.
Scientologists were going to be a common sight jogging around the streets of Auckland. What a great chance to show the WOG world (Hubbard`s word for non scientologists) how motivated Scientologists were.

This first outing had a lot riding on it. These two guys got down to the ferry building, turned left and started jogging past the large international Hotel
situated there.  Rod pulled up and told his twin he wasn`t feeling well.
He staggered over to a decorative flower bed outside the hotel entrance and
unloaded the contents of his stomach.
As he was gathering his senses he was suddenly overcome by the second wave. This time he unloaded right there on the pavement right in front
of the hotels main entrance. They staggered back to the Org and reported their progress thus far to the Purif I/C
Now I want you to imagine if you can what inevitably would have happened back at the hotel entrance.
A guest at the hotel would have come through the front door and been met with a putrid smell. He`d have scanned the pavement for the source
of it and then seen a smelly pile of 400 or so half digested vitamins, some tomato skins and diced carrots.

This is just some average guy, mind you. He would have been totally baffled by what he saw. Maybe he was even a clear who`d
been off lines for a while. He`d think "what sort of escaped mental patients are running wild on the streets of Auckland ?"
If a forensics team where called in to examine the crime scene. What would their report have said ? Would anyone have connected up this steaming pile of vomit with a genius who was saving the world. I think not.
It wouldn`t be the last time that Hubbard would come out with something that the world found hard to digest.

Based on the principal.."if it doesn`t kill you . it will make you stronger", Rod
was loaded up with another coffee mugs worth of vits, which were washed down with milk, and they set off again.

Rod had a severely upset stomach for three days.


It wasn`t till about 20 people had gone through the purif that a new reference arrived in the purif I/C`s basket drastically reducing the amounts of vitamins to be taken.

Of course if anyone had died or received serious physical damage from taking these insane quantities of vitamins, it would have been due to some undetected medical condition that they`d had prior to starting the purif. It was of little comfort to those who`d acted as Hubbard`s Guinea pigs in the furtherance of pseudo science.

Still... people were getting amazing wins from doing the purif.
It`s amazing what taking a few vitamins , going for a run and then spending a couple of hours in the sauna, every day can do for you.
Only you wouldn`t know that if you hadn`t tried it before.

Try it now if you don`t believe me.
It`s exactly the same result you`d get by doing the Purification Rundown.
Except it would cost next to nothing.

In 2006  the Purif cost US $2,560.00 at Flag.

Scientologists reading this will inevitably say.... "Oh but he`s only telling one side of the story."
Guilty as charged.
And isn`t that exactly what Scientology has done since 1950. Only ever told one side of the story !!! ???

Prove me wrong and post here one published account by scientology of a technical failure.
Find me one example of Scientology voluntarily admitting they got it wrong.
 Just one.


« Last Edit: April 13, 2009, 08:52:27 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #42 on: April 16, 2009, 09:19:05 AM »

                               SENSE OF DOUBT

                                        Part 37

                                    OT Phenomenon.


Scientologists are always keen to point out that Dianetics was
about the mind and Scientology was about the spirit.
They are two entirely different things.

A naive public were always confusing the two.
This is not a small point. You see Dianetics can operate independently
in the field of the mind. After all it is the modern SCIENCE of MENTAL HEALTH.

Scientology deals with the spirit.
Dianetics is used till a clear is achieved. Then Scientology is used to
rehabilitate the spirit, or thetan as Hubbard called it.
Have you got it ? 
Do I need to hammer this point into your head ???

THEY ARE SEPARATE !!!!!

Ron clarified this by releasing "New Era Dianetics for OT`s" ....   !!!   ???

This became OT level five. NED for OT`s.
But research accelerated to a point that OT Eight was now available.
A woman from Auckland who had, with her husband, operated a Scientology
mission in Ellerslie, was the first Kiwi to avail herself to this level
of the bridge.

OT three was "freedom from overwhelm."
OT five was "Cause over life."

What could be better than that ?

Excitement mounted when it was announced that Olive Roundhill was
back from America, was now an OT 8, and was going to give a briefing
at the org.

Hubbard had written extensively on the powers of a full OT in every issue of
"Advance Magazine" that came out once a month.
An OT could stop a planet in its orbit. An OT could remove the atmosphere
from a planet at a whim. I`d even been told that someone had come at Albert Mc Graw with a knife one time, and Albert had given an auditing command to this guy and he`d dropped to the ground in the fetal position.

There were stories published each month called "OT Phenomenon."
It was the one section every reader would skim through the magazine to find.

There was a guy one time watching a soccer game on TV. The commentators
were worried that the game could be cut short due to possible rain. Fortunately this OT was watching.
He used his mental powers to push the rain clouds away from the stadium.
Not like here one minute, gone the next. Just gently and imperceptibly he pushed
those clouds away. The spectators at the game would never have known that
an OT had intervened. Amazing. They really could have used that guy at Woodstock !

Another OT was driving a car with three passengers. They were hopelessly lost.
The OT thought .."What am I , an OT, doing lost.?"
Almost immediately the whole car appeared on the street they were looking for.
Incredible.

Here`s one from the second to latest issue.
Excuse me if I select the shortest one...

The Pen.

I was recently heading out to a restaurant to meet
someone and thought I could get some work done
while waiting for the person.
I parked and got out of the car and thought to myself that
I needed a pen and checked my pockets, car,trunk, etc.
No pen anywhere.
Instead of giving up I just decided I really needed a pen
right now and headed to the restaurant. I had barely gone
two steps when I saw a pen lying in the parking lot at my feet.
Perfect. Problem solved.I still have the pen and keep it as a
reminder that thought is senior to MEST.- A.N.

Always just initials. That`s okay. Penthouse forum does the same thing.
By the way MEST is short for Matter, Enengy, Space and Time.

So here we all were awaiting the arrival of the first OT 8 in New Zealand.
Would she make pens materialize ?
Would she walk in or float ?
She was a little late. Was parking a problem for an OT ?
Of course not . She just wanted to build a little tension.

This was exciting.

Ladies and gentlemen .... New Zealand`s first OT 8,.....Olive Roundhill.

Not what I pictured.

She looked like one of the cast from a Brittish soap opera.
Her talk was equally underwhelming.

Apparently on OT 8, one started changing the molecular structure
of their body. Olive told us how a bald guy on OT 8 had started to
grow hair again. But despite the fact his hair used to be white, the new growth was coming through bright red....just like Hubbard`s  !!!!

Shortly after that a recent photo of Ron came out. Hubbards hair was now white.

Olive told us that at the top of the bridge you could have the body you wanted.
I realised I didn`t want Olive`s body.
Apparently neither did she.
Two months later she was dead.







« Last Edit: May 04, 2009, 10:24:01 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #43 on: April 24, 2009, 04:22:38 PM »

                                      SENSE OF DOUBT

                                              Part 38

                                Beware the savage jaw...

One evening at staff muster it was announced that our working hours were to
be increased. A full hour was added to each day.

So from now on we were to be on post at 5:30 pm and knock off at 10:30 pm
weeknights. And for Saturday and Sunday we were to start at 8:30 am finishing
at 5:30 pm.

This happened because Ron wanted the planet cleared pronto.
In fact his daughter Diana had been promoted to a high level management position and had set a goal of having earth cleared by "1984".

Exactly what a cleared earth was, was never explained.
Some thought it meant every person had been presented with a $200 "Clear bracelet, that they paid for themselves.
Others told me that it just meant getting a point of critical mass.
I was told that the planet is covered in a cloud of enturbulated theta, or entheta.
All one had to do was remove just over 50% of that cloud and the rest
would clear up like a domino effect.

So instead of having a totalitarian government that had enslaved the planets population without challenge, as Orwell had warned of, Scientology would control everything.... without challenge in 1984.

So long as you were happy doing what scientology wanted you to, you would be free to do what you were told.

In his book "Science of survival" Hubbard had written what was to be done with those who wouldn`t play the game. Hubbard had told of some historical, political leader who had decided to cure leprosy by putting all the lepers on a boat, putting it out to sea and then setting it on fire.

Naturally anyone opposing Scientology was a leper to society.
On Hubbard`s scale of human emotions there is a demarcation point.
It is 2.0.  Antagonism. As one ascends the scale one goes through boredom (2.5) , Conservatism (3.0) Enthusiasm (4.0),  Exhilaration  (8.0)

Below 2.0 were the minus emotions.
Lets go down them now.

1.8 Pain
1.5 Anger
1.2 No sympathy
1.1 Covert Hostility
1.0 Fear
0.9 Sympathy
0.8 Propitiation
0.5 Grief
0.375 Making amends
0.05 Apathy
0.0 DEATH

In "Science of survival" Hubbard states that anyone who displayed any of
the lower tones chronically (The no case gain) on the subject of Scientology should be " done away with, quietly and without sorrow."
As in 1.2 on the tone scale.

Of course something like that could never really happen.
With everyone being clear , which is 4.0 on the tone scale, ie. enthusiasm,
there would be no need for extermination camps.

 I`ve seen footage of the Jews being rounded up for the gas chambers in Nazi Germany.
None of them looked like they were going to get up tone any time soon.
In a Scientology world there would be no need for any last minute phone calls to
the Ethics officer because someone on death row had suddenly gotten up tone.
 

I`d seen Bruce Gibson coach Maurice Harding, an OT, to display enthusiasm. So
I knew at least Maurice would survive the Scientology Holocaust. If Maurice could do it..
there was hope for us all.

There was so much tech developed by Hubbard to raise a person on the tone scale that genocide was going to be a last resort. Kind of a FINAL SOLUTION.

Scientologists never mention that paragraph from "Science of Survival."

If you ask them about the book, they`ll tell you all about any other section of it. But won`t mention Hubbard`s final solution. But it IS there.

Scientologists rage against the abuses perpetrated by the mental health industry. If you told them that a mental health practitioner had advocated extermination of all his failed cases, they`d be all over it.

Well there is one. His name is L Ron Hubbard.

Put that in your "Industry of Death" traveling roadshow and promote it.

The fact that I read right past that paragraph and didn`t stand up and throw the book at the course supervisor and storm out of the org, is something I have to live with.  I sincerely apologize to every single one of you.
"NEVER AGAIN !!"








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« Reply #44 on: April 25, 2009, 06:23:31 PM »

                                    SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                Part 39

                               Prayers, They hide the saddest views.

There was a buzz around the org. Scientology was going to hold a massive public event called "Prayer day." The biggest scio event ever in NZ.
Over a weekend there were going to be a series of speakers, all with the common theme of human rights. This was to be promoted heavily and many high profile opinion leaders were invited to attend.
And the highest technically trained person in the universe was coming to speak at it.... David Mayo.

I`d seen David Mayo in Hubbard`s movie "The secret of FLAG results"
In it he played the highest technically trained person in the universe.
Despite the fact that he was playing himself , his performance was less than convincing.

I`d purchased five tickets to "prayer day" despite the fact that I was one of the performers at it.  Firstly I was to be a part of the Scientology choir. Then on the final night I was to perform a musical item at the entertainment evening.

I was busting to be a performer but had set my ambitions as a musician aside to save the universe. I managed to borrow a KORG  synthesizer off the bookstore officer, and had recruited my best mate Jimmy Chung , who played bass, and his
brother Ken, a top notch drummer, to back me up. Ken was playing in Russell Crowe`s band at the time. Years later when Russell hit the big time as an actor in Hollywood, Ken was getting phone calls from media organizations all over the world wanting any dirt he had on Russell. They were willing to pay... Too bad.
Ken wasn`t talking. Always admired him for that.

Despite my busy schedule, I had a wog job during the day, then the org post evenings and weekends, we were able to get the three required songs down.
The synthesizer I`d borrowed was high tech, buttons and lights everywhere.
When we rehearsed the songs, for some unknown reason, the synth, would out of the blue, just starting curving a note. There was no predicting when it would happen... And I had zero time to study the inch thick manual to undo this embarrassing pre set.

The gig was set for Saturday evening at the large event center, named Trillo`s, in the new Downtown complex opposite the old Central post office.

When I peeped out from behind the curtains I was surprised at how many people were there. The place was packed. Oh shit.  What am I going to do if this
weird preset curving note kicks in ? There was no apparent trigger.
And when it happened it sounded like someone had stood on a cat`s tail.

Jim , Ken and I nervously awaited our turn.
The M/C for the evening was a chubby guy named Peter Bonner. He and his wife
were professional musicians who had recently joined Scientology.
They were the main draw card to end off the evenings entertainment.

As our turn was nearing, a team of guys assembled our gear out on stage.
I heard Peter, out in front of the curtain, announce us and the crowd applauded politely.
Jim , Ken and I looked reassuringly at each other, took a deep breath then made
our way towards the stage door.

IT was locked !!!!!

I couldn`t believe it. We were being announced and were locked in back stage.
I spun around looking for another way out. There was a door on the other side
of the room. Grabbing my briefcase we ran through the door, down a passage,
round a corner and down some stairs. The applause was fading from our ears.
I shunted open the door at the bottom of the stairs and we rushed through it
out into the darkness of the street behind Downtown.

There was nothing for it except to run around the outside of the downtown complex and come back into Trillo`s through the main entrance.
It made me think of the time when David Bowie had been in Holland and was
dropped off at the wrong venue by his chauffeur. He ended up having to hitch hike to his own concert, but was quickly picked up by some lucky, very surprised, fans.

Anyway Jim, Ken and I wove our way through all the tables and climbed onto the stage, quite breathless, I parked my briefcase on the floor beside me and waited
for Ken to count us in.

Okay now we`re doing it. Intro was really beyond my expectations.
I leaned forward to deliver my vocal line only to discover Win Dickey, husband
of OT Vicky Dickey, who was up in the control booth, had forgotten to turn my microphone on.

We got through Warszawa by Bowie, and jumped into "Art decade."
Two absolutely beautiful instrumental numbers from the second side of the album "Low."

You have no idea how relieved I was when I hit the last chord and the synth hadn`t gone all psycho on me.
I was on top of the world.
I slid over to the grand piano and we finished off with the Elton John hit at the time, "Song for guy."

When we were done the applause sounded genuine.
I detest polite clapping.

But my moment of glory was short lived.
Someone woke Win Dickey up and he played Elton`s version
of "song for guy ", over the PA system as we unlocked the stage door and made our exit.
Elton`s version was much better than ours.
Thanks Win, you moron !!!

I hadn`t been allowed to attend any of the meaty events of Prayer day.
I had to remain on post.
However I did ask my brother what David Mayo`s talk was like.
He told me David Mayo had burped on stage. Due to Win`s vigilance it had
been broadcast far and wide via the on microphone.

It all wound down and I waited eagerly for the flood of new people coming into Scientology , that the promoters of this event had assured me of, to eventuate.

I sat at my desk. There was stillness. I waited some more.
Nothing. Someone had left a pack of cigarettes on my desk. I reached over and
pulled one out. Found a lighter and lit up after a year of being a non smoker.

And that is what I got out of the biggest public event Scientology ever staged in New Zealand. A desire to inhale harmful chemicals into my lungs.

David Mayo flew back to Florida.... , by plane. (That`s a scientology joke).
But he was about to land in a world of shit.
By the time it was over he was to lose all of his teeth.

 
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