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Author Topic: THE REAL STORIES.  (Read 126428 times)
Ididntcomeback
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« Reply #300 on: May 12, 2015, 09:47:42 AM »

                                                      My Story: St Louis Org, CLO WUS/ PAC 1990-91


Posted this story in 2008. I've been trying to get this posted to the Personal Stories > Sea Org section of exscn.net. But the mods have told me that, for technical reason, I have to try some time later when technical issues with the site are straightened out. Anyhow, I'm going to post it here again.

Since last posting it years ago, I have since talked to some of the characters involved who have clarified some issues and corrected my mistake of misremembering the name of a STAFFmember in St. Louis who I worked with. A character I remembered as "Randy" in my first draft was actually named "Barry."

Summary: I joined staff after reading Dianetics and realizing I didn't have enough money to take courses. There are family problems considering I am living at home and no one in my family is a Scientologist. After seeing the struggles with money and the pressures of working on staff, I was recruited to the Sea Org after a few months. I go the the PAC base in Los Angeles, do the EPF, get ASSIGNED to CLO WUS, get married, witness the disaster that is Scientology administration, get separated, see more craziness, decide to leave, escape after routing out is stalled, reintegrate into the wog population thinking I'm better than everyone else and eventually find out that Scientology is all bullshit and I've been an idiot.

I've attached the story as a pdf as it is 55 pages long.

Just finished re-reading and making some edits to the piece. Felt embarrassed by the whole misadventure and even shocked at parts at my naivete. The part about getting kicked out of my aunt's house was just painful, the part about getting stranded at LAX was just cringe-worthy and the part where the Commodore's Messenger was berating a senior citizen staff member was just surreal. No wonder most people can't understand this stuff - I'm not sure I understand it myself. I feel fortunate to have lived though it though. It truly was an experience that was completely off the rails in terms of the experiences of the average person.

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?39424-My-Story-St-Louis-Org-CLO-WUS-PAC-1990-91

http://www.forum.exscn.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=10357&d=1431321341
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« Reply #301 on: June 03, 2015, 09:35:49 AM »

                                                  6-year-old Sea Org staff member - dox from long ago

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?27594-6-year-old-Sea-Org-staff-member-dox-from-long-ago

Scientology insider details 'nightmare' childhood

He says children have not been allowed to join the Sea Org for more than 20 years, however the ABC's Four Corners investigation found members have been recruited and separated from their families from the age of 14 since then.

Cyrus Brooks is lying. Here is documented proof of children joining the Sea Org less than 20 years ago.

US Government documents:

http://www.exposescientology.com/visadox/040816_AUG162004_02C1101.pdf
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« Reply #302 on: June 24, 2015, 06:58:59 PM »

                                                             Scientology, Child Slavery.... My story

 31 minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=19&v=DHbdjnTknlY
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« Reply #303 on: June 29, 2015, 09:02:27 AM »

                                                  Dad savours each moment after life-changing diagnosis

                                                      Warren Portsmouth CLEAR !!!

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11472609
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« Reply #304 on: February 10, 2016, 07:18:16 AM »

                                                            A Nanny Story

    In 1977, before the complex was fully renovated, all Pac orgs sent their EPF to one central Estates org for EPF training, the Pac Training Org. The lineup was fairly long and all recruits were required to complete a series of classes called Product 0 minimally, but ideally also complete both Product 1 and Product 2. The EPF was at its largest then, about 300 young people strong, and twice a day we had a huge EPF muster in Lebanon Hall.

    One day, at the 3:00 muster, there was an announcement about a dire situation at the Child Estates Org where the children did not have adequate nannies and a call was made for volunteers. My friends tried to dissuade me, said I'd never get out of there, but I volunteered anyway. I was 16 then, a runaway, and completely green to Scientology.

    On my first day, there were so many EPF there that the staff were scrambling to train and organise it all. So I was asked if I wanted to take a walk and see the other nurseries. This was when COS still owned the Melrose Ave building, before the children were moved to Fountain Avenue, and all the Sea Org nurseries were there, where we were bussed back and forth every day from the horseshoe entrance at Lebanon Hall.

    Mostly the nurseries looked the same - wall to wall cribs, children spending most of their days in them, severely overcrowded nurseries with babies with propped up bottles and the smells of bleach, urine and dirty nappies. So I went down the halls and looked. One nursery was so different, though, that my eyes lit up and jaw dropped. One infant nursery had far less children and was exceedingly calm and peaceful. (To be continued)

The hallways at Melrose Child Care were carpeted with a multi-stained, bleached, discoloured, flat, tacked thing of unrecognisable color. And yet there were children running or walking around barefoot. The nursery bathrooms had loose tiles, leaking pipes and leaking toilets. Fungus grew behind the wet tiles and between them and in the walls themselves. And so there were cockroaches in the bathrooms and the walls. The entire building was infested. Bleach kept the buggers at bay, but bathroom doors were kept closed with towels stuffed under them to keep the roaches out of the nurseries. Maintenance was a joke.

At bath time, nannies used small child tubs to avoid making the tub walls worse. Nurseries had linoleum flooring, often torn in spots and very worn.

The building was a slum. it was a lot to take in and my head was spinning. Why were the children in this terrible place? I wondered.

So went my tour. But I was about to mention the weirdly nice nursery.

Just before it was Dori's nursery, which until then, was the nicest one yet. She had 5-6 infants sleeping lightly and she was friendly and sweet but tense. She said hello, and I asked her if that was all the kids she had? No, said Dori (also an EPFer, about 20 years old), she had another 5 down the hallway. She said she had to go check on them and left.

The next nursery, as I began my story, was exceptional. Like it didn't even belong there.


It's odd, sometimes, the things we remember throughout our lives. We remember the firsts: our first days at school, first kiss, first fight. We remember shocks, like a family member dying, living through earthquakes, floods and fires. We remember the smell of dew on grass in the morning and the smell of cancer or gangrene. We remember embarrassment, elation, loss and victory. Between all those things are the routines, the usual, and it is the routines we forget. We remember the unusual, though, and sometimes we also remember the profound.

A young man sat in a chair outside a nursery with sleeping children. He was writing, but alert as I walked up to him.shhhh! He said, barely audible. They're sleeping!

i softly apologised and asked the man if I could just have one quick peak? He looked at me skeptically and grudgingly agreed.

i remember that day as if it was yesterday. I remember that man, that nursery and those children as if I was just there. The others' nurseries, except Dori's next door became a blur over time, but I remember that nursery because what I saw was too beautiful to ever forget.

There were 5-6 children, all deeply asleep. It was their expressions that got me, the way their bodies were positioned. They'd all been wrapped in blankets just so, not too tight or loose. There were no worry lines on their faces and every child smiled. Each had a favourite soft animal or pillow or things - every crib was individualised, like a child's own tailored world . I didn't smell bleach or cleaners, either, just sweet, clean baby.

Then the young man explained to me that this child liked this animal and little details about each one, but I was barely listening. I couldn't get my eyes off their faces. They were happy, calm, blissful even. They knew they were completely safe and loved. They felt secure and serene in that comfort. Every single face in that nursery, every little body expressed that security, that comfort, that peace and tranquility. It was profound, and in that building under those conditions, like a miracle, a sliver of heaven down grunge hallway.

The man was hussling me out of the nursery now. He was very protective. He told me I had to leave and he had reports to write.

i asked him his name . He said it was Michael but don't call him Mike. Everyone always just called him by his last name anyway.

(to be continued)

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?41344-A-Nanny-Story
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« Reply #305 on: February 15, 2016, 06:24:21 AM »

                                Australian Grandparent (13 Feb 2016) wishes Scientology recruitment counter-advice

    I hope some Australian ex staff can help with advice here in this grandfather's request below.

    chuckbeatty77@aol.com

    Chuck,
    My name is ___X____ and I live in Australia. My grandson I believe has been tricked into becoming a member of the church. The bait was a girl he was speaking with over the Internet and also Skpye His friend paid for a return trip to Aptos near Santa Cruz . My daughter went with him to check it out about a course that will be paid for by her step parents and also stay at there house with the girlfriend. My daughter only went to the house once in the week she was there and only at the front door. My grandson stay for another 3 weeks and then returned home to Australia. About 3 weeks later the girlfriend paid for him to return for him to meet the head of Cabrillo college as he was accepted there and need to sign up. He has a visa till Dec 2017 but I believe he needs to get a student visa from Australia. Suppose to return for this on the night of his 18 birthday. He what's nothing to do with his mother and his family. My daughter has reported him missing. My question is this a recruitment for the church and there method to rope people in? How can we get him back to Australia? Do they apart from brainwashing make sure he cannot communicate back home? I said to my daughter that it looks fishy. No one these days shells out return flights etc without getting a return of there investment. Is there any way to rescue him before it's too late?
    Can you advise me on the above?
    Many thanks
    ___X_____

    Chuck Beatty
    ex Sea Org (1975-2003)
    412-260-1170
    chuckbeatty77@aol.com

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?41430-Australian-Grandparent-%2813-Feb-2016%29-wishes-Scientology-recruitment-counter-advice
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« Reply #306 on: February 21, 2016, 06:26:03 AM »

                                            A Brief Summary Of My Time Inside

    My story in Scientology begins when I was a kid.

    My dad owned his own accounting practice and was privileged to have a visit from Sterling Mgmt. They are a Scientology front group that seeks to install Hubbard's ”management technology” in small businesses.

    It started off harmless enough. My dad was buying books by the dozen and reorganizing his practice. My sister and I were put on children's courses at CC Dallas. When exactly my parents went from ”this is interesting” to religious fanatic, I have no idea because I was too young. All I know is around this time my dad stopped raising me and started letting Scientology brainwash me into being a ”good Scientology kid”.

    I went through several different schools as my dad moved us from Texas to California to be closer to the ”tech”. We eventually settled down in Los Angeles and started studying at a mission. I went on to do my Purif and Objectives and soon had the fire of a euphoria addicted Scientologist in my eyes. It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing.

    When I was about 13 my dad would take me to AOLA with him and the Sea Org recruiters would look at me like I was a little league player at a NAMBLA convention. They would tell me how ”theta” and ”aware” I was. Of course I was flattered because I had been taught to believe these people were ”elite” and to me (a kid) they were like G.I. Joe or Power Rangers.

    The next two years I spent crying, fighting, screaming, being kept up till two in the morning, practically kidnapped by these people. They would follow me to school, follow me after school, chase me on PAC Base. Call me at all hours if the nights. I had no support from my parents during this time, my Dad blamed me for ”pulling it in” and my mom would only tell me how proud she would be if I joined the Sea Org. At fourteen, I was completely at the mercy of ruthless psychological torture, including mild forms of sleep deprivation and starvation. I felt abandoned by my parents, and I felt like I would never have their respect unless I joined the Sea Org.

    I was ”routed onto” staff at AOLA at the ripe old age of fifteen. I had been convinced that I would see my family regularly, get regular days off,and work a regular schedule. I was told how nice the new building was going to be and how nice the area where I slept would be.

    Of course it was a much different story when I actually started living there. The rooms on the EPF were nice. That is about all that was true about what I was told. After my parents so generously abandoned me to the church I spent a month on the EPF. Here I was introduced to the dark side of Scientology. I almost immediately wanted to go home I spent every day going through the psychological torture of never being good enough and the old cult trick of putting you down one day and building you up the next day. Switching between screaming at you and being your best friend. It has done a copious amount of psychological damage to me.

    After a month of being brainwashed while cleaning dishes and bathrooms and running everywhere, I was put ”on post” at AOLA where I quickly found out that I wasn't allowed to make personal phone calls unless I spent some of my $30 a week salary on it. I was put in a room with 30 other men and boys ranging from 14-60 in age. It smelled horrible, there was no A/C or heating, and I was exposed daily to the company and sight of naked boys my age and older men, during the height of puberty. This is relevant later. I worked 15-20hr days, with maybe one day off a month, if I was lucky. I was supposed to be going to school but that didn't happen. I did eventually get my high school equivalency though. I was screamed at daily about how worthless I was while at the same time being told I was important. It was awful. I was in constant fear of being caught doing something human, like getting sick, eating, taking a dump or having a non post related conversation.

    I hardly got to see my parents for the next 2.5yrs. Eventually I was sent to train at Flag in Clearwater, FL. This whole time I wanted out but I ,couldn't mention it to anyone, I had to bury the feeling and hide it from ,everyone. I couldn't even tell my parents how I felt or what I was going through because it is considered a high crime by the religion. Keep in mind I am still a child.

    Prior to joining Sea Org I had noticed I had a tendency to find my own sex attractive and eventually I ended up fooling around with another guy at Flag. I was 17, I believe he was 19 or 20. We got caught, I got kicked out. My dad blamed me for everything and threatened to disown me.
    ,
    I still swore by Scientology for a few years before I started to separate myself from it and reflect on all I had been through. I started to doubt my beliefs and I started to feel.scared, and confused. Then I discovered human psychology and I have been studying it to get some grip on what I have been through.

    I decided I would no longer practice Scientology after looking into it further and seeing lack of results and shrinking numbers of patrons. I quickly realized what a money pit it was and watching my parents by re-re-released sets of books for thousands of dollars. Seeing that our family had only gone downhill since my patents began participating in the religion. Also after realizing much of Scientology only works within Scientology. I have also lied to the e-meter a few times so I know it doesn't work either.

    I'm much happier staying away from the church and having friends that have nothing to do with Scientology. I make more money and have better benefits working for companies that have nothing to do with Scientology.

    I still have not told my parents that I wasn't nothing to do with the church because I don't want to lose them and because my dad is ill and doesn't need the stress. I just avoid the conversations and don't go to the events. My parents have invested too much into the church, including their youngest son (my bother) for me to even hope to convince them of my position.

    Why I still feel obligated to my parents who have still done nothing but take advantage of me and basically failed me as.parents is beyond me. This whole thing had damaged me in ways I am still, 11 years later, just now starting to see.

Adam7986

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?26189-A-Brief-Summary-Of-My-Time-Inside
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« Reply #307 on: March 13, 2016, 07:20:45 AM »

                                                Desiree Silvani-Cardoso Scientology Disconnected from her father. He died 3 yrs later

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?41532-Desiree-Silvani-Cardoso-Scientology-Disconnected-from-her-father-He-died-3-yrs-later
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« Reply #308 on: May 06, 2016, 07:01:16 AM »

                                                             Scientology: A True Story

  15 minutes 20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQR82Q-RwJg
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« Reply #309 on: May 23, 2016, 06:29:46 PM »

                                                     
   From a 2007 ESMB post by Alan Walter, a student on the Class Eight course on the ship, recounting the overboarding of Julia Salmen:


The scene with overboarding on the Original Class VIII Course was if an auditor did not get an F/N on their pc at examiner - they were thrown overboard.

We would line up on the well-deck in the morning at 8.00 am - LRH would look down from the deck above and announce who would be thrown overboard.

He was surrounded by his Aides. Also he was recording all of this on camera....

I remember looking up at them - I was staring into the face of sheer madness and evil.

Usually 8 to 10 people were thrown overboard each morning.

It was about a 30 foot drop into a filthy feces laden water from the other ships and the Apollo directly releasing their sewage into the channel...

This was October 1968.

....Ron had Julia Salmen thrown overboard... terribly overweight and could not swim.

The people who threw her overboard struggled to get her over the side; she was terrified; she kept crying out "I cannot swim!" On her way down she hit the side of the ship - I could hear her screams - it was obvious she was injured and drowning.

The people on the deck all stood around too afraid to do anything. Fearing to originate any action less the become the target of LRH's displeasure.

I ran and jumped over the side and rescued her. I then pulled her over to the ladder that led up to the ground level of the dock........it was about 20 feet straight up. She could not climb the steps. I had my shoulders under her butt pushing her up..... no one still had come to help.......but at the top of that ladder stood LRH filming us.....such evil.......

Anyway after an immense struggle with Julia's help I was able to push her up to the top of the ladder....finally some help arrived.

Over the years the unthinkable thought pushed forward more and more....it was "that I observe that LRH was demonic at that time." I did not want to know that, did not want to believe that.......that was too incredible to be believed - even for me - I did the usual make nothing of myself.... "you're seeing things," "what do you know," "you've got overts" - much easier to blame self than confront what is.


http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?41972-Mother-of-the-LA-Org
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« Reply #310 on: July 10, 2016, 08:10:04 AM »

                                            Attesting the state of CLEAR. "no bank" ~~ Then TYPE III

Just now nread of Leon (Bones) Jones passing. So sad. I only met him briefly a few times in social gatherings and he seemed like a compassionate person and very likable.
He was involved with 'Magic Carpets' roadside rug selling when I met him and Bob Sullivan and Kay Champagne were I believe is 'upline' wholesale if you can call it wholesale with large markups. I certainly don't know for sure, but his jumping off of a building in ND some years earlier may well have been connected to the high stress involved in acquiring enough money to buy his scientology bridge and make other donations which are heavily coerced and extracted in a scientology environment. I would further extrapolate that that stress would be a contributing if not major factor, as for example it was in Rex Fowler's murder case. Scientology is a very high risk activity and unfortunately Bones was led down a path of betrayed help ( a bridge to total freedom claimed) and most likely instilled with another false absolutist scientology concept that mind related medications are never of benefit...such a concept preventing possible solutions to his dire state of mind. I would say my impression of him is a man who's heart was in the right place, but a good chunk of his life consumed by a chain of fraudulent and deceptive groups.

A bit of a ramble from me I know, and very late and I hope not inappropriate, but offered as some information to help answer any unanswered questions which may be lingering in your or the family's minds. Sorry if it does not help at this late date.

RIP Bones Your heart was in the right place, but the path not so.
mind


http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?31167-Attesting-the-state-of-CLEAR-quot-no-bank-quot-Then-TYPE-III/page8
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« Reply #311 on: July 13, 2016, 09:46:28 PM »

                                           Woman with Postpartum Depression seeks help getting her husband to leave Scientology

    Woman with Postpartum Depression seeks help getting her husband to leave Scientology.

    I saw the following come across my Twitter feed. I joined Reddit as CommunicatorIC specifically to suggest to the woman that she join ESMB and seek advice here. Alternatively, is anyone on Reddit who can give her good advice? (I really don't think I can cross-post back and forth.) Just trying to facilitate communication for someone who appears to need help.

    From the Reddit on Scientology

    https://www.reddit.com/r/scientology/comments/4sk7he/how_do_i_get_my_husband_to_leave_the_church_of/

    * * * * * BEGIN QUOTATION * * * * *

    My husband and I have been married for three years. He was raised a scientologist and I knew about his involvement when I met him. I have participated very little within the church and he knows about my apprehension towards it. Following the birth of our first child, I developed PPD. His refusal to let me get medical treatment for it is a deal breaker. His and his family's involvement in the church is ruining my life. It is expensive and he's never around. Staff members are constantly harassing me about doing their services. Is there anything that could make him leave? Is our marriage doomed?

    * * * * * END QUOTATION * * * * *

    EDITED TO ADD:

    This is the tweet I saw:

   https://www.reddit.com/r/scientology/comments/4sk7he/how_do_i_get_my_husband_to_leave_the_church_of/

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?42237-Woman-with-Postpartum-Depression-seeks-help-getting-her-husband-to-leave-Scientology
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« Reply #312 on: August 09, 2016, 08:15:36 AM »

                                                          In the Life of an ordinary woman.... the beginning

I have decided it is time to write up my story. I am still connected to Scientologists and I have had a load of fear in writing this and letting it be known, but it is time I did. My own safety isn't what is important. My family is what is important and those of my family who are still "in" or missing in action are what is important. Scientology is a scam - the Sea org is a scam. It needs to be brought out in the open what is does to people and what it does to families. It has all but destroyed mine. I want them back, but if they won't listen then so be it. I will tell what it has done. I will make it known for what it is. I am sick and tired of being afraid.
So here goes - part one - I have left out names in case it offends......


This story all starts in far away Australia, A land of great beauty and wonderful people. It is the story of a very ordinary, very usual, nothing special woman.

This woman was born in a small coastal town in the state of Victoria in the 50s. There was nothing special about this town and nothing special about this woman’s birth. She was just an ordinary woman in an ordinary world. Little did this woman know that as time went by she would become anything but ordinary!

This is the story of that very ordinary, very usual, nothing special woman:
I was the third child in a family of four children. I was the second child to be born in the land of opportunity; my older sister was the first, my older brother having been born in bonny Scotland. My parents had come from Scotland a few years prior on a Government assisted immigration program. My father was an Engineer and worked for a large refinery company. My mother was a stay at home mum.

We were Normal every day regular folk. We were a family going about their business of surviving and growing. I do not remember much about those early days. Snippets of memory come and go - going to Church all dressed in Sunday best, with lace gloves and a hat, pretty dresses and shiny black shoes. Making puppets at Church, going to school and doing what most kids do, growing and learning and having fun.

Our family had moved into a government owned home with pretty honeysuckle along the fence. I remember picking the honeysuckle and sucking out the sweet nectar inside the tiny flowers. I remember that taste so vividly. This was one vivid memory out of so many blurred ones.
Then one day at the age of seven my whole world turned upside down. I will never forget that day as long as I live.
It was a sunny November day, the 24th to be exact. There was Just one more month until Christmas! Of course, you have to realize that in Australia, November was summer and the days were warm and the skies blue.

I had been delegated the task of taking the mail to the post office. In those days going to the post office at the age of seven was very safe and many times my siblings and I would go by our selves. There was no need for an escort and I was happy and free. I had placed the mail in my underwear so that the letters would be safe and I would not lose them. I know it sounds strange, but I was seven and I thought that this was the only way to ensure that the mail made it to the post office and that seemed the safest place to me. Besides my underwear had tight elastic bands at the top and the legs and there was no way those letters would fall out.

There I was seven years old, skipping and running to the post office. It was a beautiful Friday afternoon, and I had no care in the world!

Those letters got there safe and I deposited them into the mailbox outside the post office.I cannot remember the exact distance from my house, but I do remember I was a little tired, it was so warm outside and so I decided to sit on the steps that led down from the post office to the street. From there I could see across the trees and houses to the big refinery where my father worked. I had no sense of doom, no idea of what was about to happen, but I do remember feeling I needed to be there. I actually felt a sense of calm. I was waiting but I did not know for what.

Then it happened, a huge loud noise the likes of which I had never heard before, an explosion. That is when I saw the smoke in the distance. I heard it and I saw it and I knew right then that something had happened to my father. However, I was not afraid; I had no sense of fear, no sense of doom. I just knew that he was close - I could feel him, and then I could see him. I could see his face; see his smile, his curly dark hair and his horn-rimmed glasses.

I swear to this day that my father stood right there before me on that sunny Friday afternoon in November 1961. That he was as alive and full of life as he had been that morning when he left for work. He was smiling and telling me that it was ok, that he was fine. He told me to tell my mother that he was ok and that things would be fine. I can still hear his strong Scottish brogue, see his smiling face and hear his words. “Don’t worry darling everything is going to be ok”. Then he was gone.
I would never see my father again.
That explosion and fire took the life of my father and three other men.

I, of course, did tell my mother that he was ok. She did not know what I was talking about. She did not realize anything was amiss until someone came to the door and then she was gone. I told anyone who would listen including my grandmother. She had gotten us children together in one room of our house while my mother had gone to be with my father in the hospital and we were kneeling on the floor in the act of praying for my father’s soul.

My grand mother wanted to know why I was not crying. She said I must be evil, as I shed no tears for my father. I told her that my father had said he was fine and that everything was going to be ok. I told her I saw him, she wanted to know when, where, everything. I told her about my experience at the post office. My Grandmother called me a silly, evil little witch who was just making up stories. She said that I should pray that god would forgive me for not grieving for my father.

How could I? He had said he was ok and that everything would be fine. I did not understand why my grandmother had such a problem with it. Why could she not understand that I had seen my father and that he was as real as life itself. She never acted the same towards me from that time on until her dying day. This was something I never understood until many years later.

It actually took me close to another ten years to shed tears for the loss of my father, and that only occurred after I started to write a poem about him. However, I always knew that my father was with me and that he was ok. He has been my guardian angel ever since that day and his presence will always be with me.

I think that was the beginning of my “spiritual” life. Seeing my father before me as he was physically near death was a lot for a seven-year-old child to comprehend. I took it as it came to me. Believed it happened and never wavered in all the years since, that I had seen, not his physical self but his spiritual self as his body lay dying. I never questioned what I saw. Others did, but not me.
Since that time, throughout my life I had encountered many things that others would find hard to believe. It seems that experience so long ago had set my path, or at least had set my belief system into place.

Our lives went on after my father’s death. I found out later that my father had intended for us to return to Scotland. That he had felt that Australia was not where we should be. I guess he was homesick. We never made it back to Scotland as he died before those plans came to fruition.

My mother had been a Sunday school teacher at our church and unbeknownst to any of us she had been looking for something, something that would open up her world, give her answers to the questions she had about life and livingness, about spirituality and god. She was brought up in a religious home and I had been part of the Church for my whole younger years but I guess her questions had never been answered and so she was looking for more. A close friend of hers had given her Dianetics the Modern Science of Mental Health, a book written by an American Sci-fi writer, L. Ronald Hubbard, before my father died. She apparently had started reading this book and had believed that maybe she had found the answers to her questions about life, livingness, and spirituality. So after my father died, my mother became involved directly with Dianetics. She became involved to the point that a year after my father died we moved lock, stock and barrel to Melbourne where the closest Dianetics group was. Four children, a dog and a new soon to be step father.

I do remember the move, we moved into a wonderful home which was not government owned; it was our very own home. It was a beautiful house with a huge backyard. This home would hold many happy memories for me. In addition, I still remember to this day the address. Strange how some things impinge on a child’s mind. Anyway, this move was the start of a journey through life for me. This journey would take me across continents and countries. Trying and tough times were ahead for me, but there were also times of extreme happiness and delight.

My stepfather had been a Dianeticist from the very early 50s. He worked at the College of Dianetics with some well-known early Scientologists, (blank)and (blank) It was here that I would learn about Dianetics and Scientology and here where I would make friendships that have lasted my lifetime. (blank) and(blank) and their children become fast friends of my family, to the point actually where (blank) and (blank) were legally made our Guardians if anything should happen to my parents. There were many happy times in Australia. Many get togethers of local Dianeticists or Scientologists, whatever you want to call them.

I did not really become involved in the the study of Dianetics and Scientology until I reached the very early teen years. I had a passion for reading and I did read Dianetics, but I found it hard to follow. I found the Bible much more to my liking and I would read it voraciously many times in those days, along with Encyclopedia Britannica and many other wonderful books. I never found Dianetics to be easy to assimilate. I got the gist of it and I figured, hey past lives, spiritual being, yeah that rings true - after all I knew my father had visited me even while he lay dying, so maybe this Dianetics and Scientology made sense. My parents were fully engaged in it and they would many times be at the College, studying, getting auditing etc. I guess they believed in it so much that when the Government of Australia banned it, they decided the best thing to do was to go to Saint Hill, where the great L. Ron Hubbard was.

So again, 1966-67, lock stock and barrel we moved to England. Only this time our dog was the only one left behind. Every stick of furniture went with us. We spent a month on a ship coming across the ocean to England. Our voyage on the ship ended in Genoa, Italy and we took a train to France where we crossed the ocean in a ferry to Dover England. I do remember the voyage and I remember the places we visited and the people we saw. In my short life, I had traveled the world almost. Seemed like it to me. What a wonderful trip for four - oh wait - five, yes my mother and my stepfather had a son. Born in 1964 in Hawthorn Victoria Australia. I had a little brother. I did not really have much to do with my younger brother in the early years. I was a preteen after all and ten yrs older than him, but he plays into my life in present time, but that is for later!

We arrived in England to grayness - dark skies and cold. I do not think I had ever felt that cold. After all, it was winter then. We ended up staying for a short time with some of my parent’s fellow Scientology friends. Finally, after a few weeks made our way down to East Grinstead to stay with the (blank) We stayed with them for some months and were enrolled in school in East Grinstead. I ended up going to Imberhorne High. I liked the school, I liked the people. There was however, a definite feeling about East Grinstead, even at that time, where the people thought that Ron Hubbard and his scientology flock were “strange”.

On one of my first visits to Saint Hill, I met the Hubbard children. They would soon leave for the newly formed Sea Org. I do remember Arthur - very mischievous, he would later take me for rides on his motorcycle and run over huge bugs on the docks in Casablanca just to gross me out and a few times short sheeted my bunk, and put bugs in my bunk, he just loved to play pranks. I remember Diana and her long red hair and I thought how beautiful she was. I remember quiet Quentin and fun loving Suzette. Most of them would play a bigger role in my life to some degree. More on that later.

My parents bought their own house in East Grinstead. One of three they would eventually buy there before leaving to return to Australia. I remember that address also and I remember the countryside, the green, and the horses. I loved England. I loved the country. It always seemed to provide a sense of freedom for me.

My parents also got onto services at Saint Hill. My mother completed OT VII and the Briefing course. My father seemed to be stuck and never really went any further in Scientology at Saint Hill, but there we stayed and there I joined staff at the ripe old age of 14. I became a weekend supervisor for the Children’s Comm course, I then would later join WW staff and work in the OIC area with my older sister and follow her into the Sea Org. I left school at 15 and my sea org career lasted almost 17 yrs.

It just seemed the thing to do. After all, my whole family was Scientologists, us kids by default. My older brother never really got involved and would later join the Military. However, the rest of us were all involved. My two sisters, myself and my younger brother all joined the Sea Org. In those days, when the Sea org was new - everything seemed exciting. My whole life seemed to be made up of adventures and wonderful things. It was there at Saint Hill that I also went “clear”. There were, however times I did get into trouble. First boyfriend things at the age of 14, he was a “wog”, sexual adventures with fellow students who came from overseas, they were all Scientologists. It was put down to “out ethics” and I would do conditions and restitution for many of my teenage “troubles”.

It also included an experience that I will never forget - being raped - yep being raped by a fellow scientologist - an older man who had come from Spain and was a student at Saint Hill. I never told anyone about this - it was at a point in my young life where I was already staff, already well indoctrinated into the “you pulled it in” mode and threatened into silence. I was 15 yrs old. He was well respected and probably 35-40 yrs old at the time. I honestly figured it was my fault. In addition, I had those types of considerations for many more decades about things, which happened to me. There were “nigglies” then - little things that niggled at the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe something was wrong with Scientology. I would push those thoughts away - after all, I was there to help humankind. I honestly thought that I was doing good.

I have always wanted to help others. Always wanted to do good. In addition, I always felt strong guilt that my thoughts about certain things that happened were all because I was out ethics. Having scientology pushed into you at a young age, makes you think it is real and it is what will help others. However, those niggling thoughts did occur right from the beginning of my sea org career at Saint Hill, I would always push them out of the way, and that guilt always made me work even harder at being a good sea org member.

I justified so many times the bad things that happened with “the greatest good” that it did not matter about what happened to me, that the greatest good was for me to be there and help set others “free” What a load of bullshit that was! Took me over forty years to figure it out..... but I finally did.


more to come............

Ozzie
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« Reply #313 on: August 09, 2016, 06:42:59 PM »

                                                In the Life of an ordinary woman.... the beginning

Here's a little more....................

I found the Sea Org in the beginning to be adventurous. The time I joined was full of doing things like renovating a new building, doing sea org basics on a small boat in the lake at Saint Hill. Fun times with many fun young people. We would sometimes all go up to London for our day off - a train ride away - and spend a night at a fellow scientologists house - all of us. There was a lot of comradeship and a lot of good times to be had. We all felt like a team and we all worked together to do what we thought was the right thing to do. There were times we would go to events - set them up, give out flyers on the street and even though people would throw them away and call us weird and strange we all felt we were doing the right thing. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that most of us were all very young - teenagers, early 20s somethings and all of us were into helping others. It was almost like a “craze” at that time. Young people did get into doing things for others and they would form bonds that were tight and very hard to break. The spirit is what kept me there and going.

I worked at Saint Hill until late 71 as a Sea Org member. I had many friends, many good times and truly felt that this was the place I was meant to be. There were things that occurred that didn’t make sense to me - strange sec checks given by one of the “big wigs” there that were actually only designed to get the “juicies” on someone. I had one of those - unfortunately everyone already knew all the juicies on me. Ha! Some of the GO folks were also so full of themselves that if you looked at them wrong you had overts and then you’d have knowledge reports written on you about your missed withholds and would end up being sec checked. Those things were some of things that stuck in my head as being wrong, but it wasn’t enough to end my sense of adventure and my desire to help. In late 71 I was sent off the “Flag”. Man was I excited. My younger sister had been sent just before I went and I was looking forward to being on the Apollo where the great L.Ron was, and looking forward to what I thought would be more adventures. Sailing the seas had a romantic sense to it. And of course I would be there to help at the root of everything.

I can say that I would never trade my experiences in the Sea Org in the early years. I learnt a lot and I gained a lot of wonderful friends. Many of whom are currently declared. These people on board the Apollo were the original management and the original tech people, many of whom worked directly with LRH. It was here on board this tin bucket called the Apollo that I would enter into the world of management and stay in management of scientology orgs for the majority of my sea org career.
It was also here that I become totally indoctrinated into Scientology and the belief of “source”. It was also here that I would learn the other side of LRH and hear and see how he treated those around him. It was here I learnt how to be a subordinate, a nothingness, to keep quiet about the wrongnesses and go along with the flow. It was here that I would experience the first RPF and see and feel the degradation of myself and others. I was in the first RPF with Quentin, a wonderful kind person who didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was treated by his father. Quentin also would be my auditor later on - what a wonderful person he was! So kind and so thoughtful. Not a mean bone in that boys body! All Quentin ever wanted to do was fly. He never was allowed - so he one day blew.

The RPF had just been put into effect and quite a few people who were considered bad or useless or committing overts were put onto the RPF for rehabilitation. My crime was being on watch at sea as a Radar operator - there were two of us and we were going around the Cape of Good Hope - apparently a very dangerous Cape. What the heck did I know? I wasn’t a friggin sailor! Anyway, the Captain of the ship whom I won’t name and the con of the watch whom I won’t name had told both us poor radar ops to stand aside and quit plotting as they were trying to maneuver the “ship” around this Cape. Well, we did - we stood aside and guess who came onto the bridge? You got it - the old man himself. The Capt and the con were not on the bridge at the time they were in the charting room just off the bridge, but LRH wanted to know what was happening with a particular vessel on the radar screen and wanted to see the plots for it. I didn’t have it and didn’t know what was going on with this vessel. I did know the vessel wasn’t close and that we were in no danger of hitting it, I told the old man that we had been ordered to step aside so the Capt and the Con could see for themselves what was going on, without us in the way - they had been rushing in and out and looking at the radar.

Well, there was my route to the RPF. Of course he called in the Capt and the Con and asked if it was true what I had said. They being the Capt and the Con I’m sure didn’t want to get in trouble, so they said they had not ordered us to step aside. Wow - I was flabbergasted! They were protecting their own behinds and mine was hung out to dry. I have never heard L Ron scream so much in my life! That was when he called me a few choice names that I will never forget. And one of those names started with a “C”. Needless to say I ended up on the brand new, degrading RPF. Where we slept in the hold on disgusting mattresses and wore black boiler suits, none of which fit. Where we ran everywhere, weren’t allowed to see our spouses, weren’t allowed to talk to anyone without them speaking first, where we had to call EVERYONE Sir, where we weren’t allowed to eat with our friends and were fed the leftovers. Where we were supposed to “rehabilitate” ourselves for the horrible things we had done. It was degrading and it was humiliating. We were treated like pond scum by the others on board. People you thought were your friends and even your spouse wouldn’t look at you or speak to you. We had to clean decks with toothbrushes, heads (toilets) were also cleaned this way and they were white gloved and they had to pass or there were laps around the decks or the docks. The locals would look at us like we were nuts.

I did ask for a comm- ev, unfortunately the chairman of the commev was the con of the watch. Do you reckon it was fair???

I did however finally settle into my life in the RPF and was actually doing alright when I was told to get off the RPF by a messenger and return to my post. It seems my senior needed me back.
If any of you have read the Flag Order about being a spectator - that was written about me.
So even though there were good times - get togethers and parties for Christmas and such there were more bad and trying times overall. There were days and days sometimes of no sleep trying to meet deadlines set. One such comes to mind when we were all ordered from the top not to go to bed until all orgs had been evaluated with a current eval. I think we were up for a week, maybe more. Now these evaluations were done at the time from information that was collected from every single org and sent to Flag. We had data files full of reports and analysis etc and evaluations were done off this information. I have read in the past that a lot of people further down the line believed management was the reason that the orgs were in horrible condition. I have to say that at the time I was in management and that was many years, we went off what was provided us by the orgs themselves.

Management at that time consisted of some very dedicated and wonderful people who thought that what they were doing was right. I never found in any of these people any bad intentions or any meanness. That was to come later on.



I'll post more later - gotta go to work.........


Ozzie

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« Reply #314 on: August 09, 2016, 06:45:12 PM »

                                               In the Life of an ordinary woman.... the beginning               


Got a few secs before I leave for work, here's a bit more........


One thing about Flag - we did get to visit many different countries and we did get to experience many different cultures. There were times when we did get liberty and would go ashore and to discos and out to dinner and the beach. However they were not consistent. Especially in Management where it was tightly controlled from above. The orgs and scientology were directly run by LRH, not anyone else. All the orders were received from above and were carried out by the management on board the Apollo. So, it is BS that the scientology structure was not controlled by LRH and that he was not on management lines. I was there and I was part of it and he mostly definitely was.

It should also be noted that many evals done on orgs after they had gone through AVU (authority and verification unit) were sent up lines and he did see them and did critique many of them. Many management orders were gotten from above like this. The SO 1 line by the way was answered by one or two staff, not LRH. It should also be noted that the entire SO 1 line was critiqued also by the AVU - I know because I was in it and I was one of the two who did the critiquing. The letters were in the large majority not answered by LRH even though it was specifically stated that he saw and answered every one - that was BS. He would occasionally read a few and write a few personal comments - but that is it. A large majority of the evals were also approved at one period by LRH.

Some of you may have heard of the “Kali” incident. That really did happen. The management staff who were doing evaluations and carrying out the programs on the orgs were all called into the course room on the ship and were ordered to “destroy” a replica of an org and ordered to worship Kali the goddess of destruction. This was a direct order from LRH himself! I was there I saw it - I was not forced to participate in this destruction of orgs (the replicas) but was ordered to watch. It was degrading and it caused many of these management evaluators and staff to actually cry with despair at having to be forced to destroy an org because they were told their actions were resulting in destroyed orgs. Many broke down and many were extremely traumatized by this action.

There were also times on board that you could hear him screaming at the top of his lungs and everyone in management would cringe wondering what was going on and whose head on a pike was next. People were scared shitless! It was all control and fear that kept management going. However, not one of those people on management lines was an evil rotten person, all believed that what they were doing was right. Of course there were a few - and I say a FEW who let the whole “executive” thing go to their heads. They would scream and yell at their staff, but in the large majority many of management and many of the execs at the time were there for the sole purpose of helping expand Scientology and that was pushed to be helping others (ie one and the same thing) and I really don’t think any of them were there for their own personal gain - we got paid a pittance - barely 10-15 dollars a week. Well in Dirham that would buy quite a bit - maybe two cartons of cigs - yep the majority of us smoked like crazy! Besides we got cigs and stuff from the canteen duty free so it was cheap! We had to buy all our own toiletries and in the majority of cases our own unis.

There was a time when we did a clean ship program and we did get some shirts and trousers but other than that the majority of us bought our own clothing. There were also at times cockroach “derbies” - yep even issues about them - where we could make some dollars by locating and destroying their nests. Maybe 20 bucks if the nest was big! We lived with cockroaches and other bugs on board - millions of them and at night sometimes they would crawl across peoples faces and bodies as they slept. God forbid if you snored with your mouth open! I kid you not. I woke up many a night with cockroaches on my face. I hated those things! Those that could afford it had better clothing - some got money from rellies and such, some of us couldn’t afford it and we were scraggy a lot of times because of it. Ten bucks wasn’t much and when we went ashore it went up to 17 - and that didn’t buy diddly shit in the real world!

But the one thing that was pushed and indoctrinated into us was that our own personal needs were not important. We put everything over ourselves including our own health and our appearance. Everything that is that was the Sea Org and LRH. Forget about your own family - they were not important and they were “other intentioned” otherwise they would be doing the same thing you were. That was actively pushed and it was the “mind think” at the time. It got worse as the years passed. Especially after coming ashore.

Till later....................



ozzie

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?5267-In-the-Life-of-an-ordinary-woman-the-beginning/page2
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