Pages: 1 ... 20 21 [22] 23   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: THE REAL STORIES.  (Read 110876 times)
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #315 on: August 11, 2016, 08:07:09 AM »

                        Birth of child saves family from Scientology Disconnection.

A comment on Mike Rinder's blog:

http://www.mikerindersblog.org/the-flag-ot-farce/#comment-141625

* * * * * BEGIN EXCERPT * * * * *

marie guerin says

August 9, 2016 at 3:16 pm

When our daughter disconnected from us , she was pregnant. 3 months to go.
We waited , our bags ready , showed up at the hospital .
Giving birth resets priorities , and we were right , she couldn’t let us go.
That little baby saved our family , and we beat the system.
A lot more to the story but nothing important anymore…
Have fun OSD.

* * * * * END EXCERPT * * * * *

Postrd by CommunicatorIC on ESMB

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?42443-Birth-of-child-saves-family-from-Scientology-Disconnection
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #316 on: September 07, 2016, 05:29:51 AM »

                                          FROM ORIGINS TO OFFLOAD

    FROM ORIGINS TO OFFLOAD

    I first became involved in Scientology around the age of 6 years old in the mid 1960’s. I used to be taken by my parents into the original Jo’burg Org where the likes of Jane Kember and the Hogarths and Beghins used to attend lectures. As I was so young, my memory is a bit vague, but I believe my parents discovered Scientology through the Mission run by Hilda and Jos Jaffe. We used to have fun at the Org and the Mission as kids, running around, making friends, and I am sure, making a complete nuisance of ourselves. We also did a lot of TRs, but I reckon this was a way for the adults to have us supervised so we didn’t run amok! I mean to say, what a fantastic way to have your children looked after, knowing that if they argued, they would be encouraged to sit down in front of each other and resolve their dispute through the use of TRs! In those days the Org was a place of refuge, laughter, fun and camaraderie not experienced anywhere else as the biggest feeling was one of being accepted simply for being You, Self. In those days ethics and Sec. Checks were not even on the agenda, and the people attending were just simply looking for the meaning to life, free of any constraints or bindings.

    When Jo’burg Org moved, this feeling of “one-ness” and acceptance was retained, and we still had a lot of fun. I know my parents (particularly my mother) made a lot of friends, and we visited fellow Scientologists in their homes frequently, and again, there was always a wonderful bon homie. Life seemed simple then, and I had no feelings of any judgements being made because we were involved in this thing called Scientology. Friends who hadn’t been involved were more questioning and inquisitive. There was a real sense of having discovered something new, intriguing and very exciting. Change was in the air!

    In 1971, my parents’ relationship broke apart. My father had found someone else, but much more than this, my mother had discovered that my father had been a “plant” in the Org. The Mental Health organisation of South Africa had recruited my father to spy on Scientology. In my mother’s eyes, and obviously in the eyes of the Org, this was a complete and utter betrayal of trust, and there was no going back. Our world came crashing down on us, and my sister and I were packed off to boarding school up in Rhodesia. My mother came too and stayed with some Scientology friends in Salisbury with my little brother. After a while, my mother left us up in Rhodesia and came down to work in Johannesburg. She ended up working for the man who about a year later became my step-father. He too was in Scientology. We had never met him, and one day my mother and he turned up at our boarding school, and put us in sleeping bags in the back of an open topped truck and he drove us to his farm in South Africa. We stayed there for a year (a very, very unhappy year) and continued to attend Jo’burg Org at the weekends. By this time things seemed stricter in the Org, and my step-father took great joy in dishing out ethics in the form of conditions on us children. He had very, very high standards he wanted reached when it came to cleaning things, and I will never forget being punished and having to clear a field of horse and cow manure in the blistering heat because he had insisted that the brass lamp he had had me polishing was still not shiny enough.

    A lot more happened during this awful year at the farm, but I won’t dwell on it as it is not really relevant to the Scientology story. Suffice it to say, my step-father came home from work one day to my (five months) pregnant mother, took her by the hand from the dining table to her car outside, got into the car where a fellow Scientologist of some rank and standing was sitting in the back, and told my mother they were going to get married and “what are you going to do”? He offered to take the baby, but my mother steadfastly refused. He paid for a one way ticket for my mother, brother, sister and I to fly to the UK. Desperate and distraught, my mother decided to join the Sea Org at Saint Hill. We were met at Heathrow Airport by Bruce Glushakow, who drove us through South London to Stonelands. This was in the days before the M25 was built, but there was a lot less traffic in those days!

    We arrived at Stonelands, only to be told that there was nowhere for us to sleep. Someone took the decision to put all four of us in another family’s room as they were away. There were no beds in the room, only mattresses on the floor (remember my mother was six months pregnant by now). My only recollection of this time was being a little numb, and awe struck by the immensity of the property. Stonelands was a sad old lady at this time, and in desperate need of some tender loving care. There were no carpets to speak of in the corridors, and cold draughts all over the house. You could see that she used to be splendid, but this splendour was now lost. The ballroom had beautiful wood panelling all around it, but this was now a men’s dormitory. The large, heavy wooden doors were carved, with lovely old brass handles on them. The dining room table in the Officer’s Mess was circa 1500s, and much later, a shrewd Sheila Gaiman came upon it, and had it restored to its former glory. It looked absolutely stunning once it was done, and it was moved away from Stonelands altogether and installed at Saint Hill. There were odd bits of furniture at Stonelands that today would have fetched an enormous price, such as the lovely old book case up on the first floor, and my Elizabethan bedstead. I have no idea what happened to this furniture, but I like to think it is being looked after...


More to come
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #317 on: September 07, 2016, 05:31:05 AM »

                                                       FROM ORIGINS TO OFFLOAD part 2


 Although rules later changed to having no television, at the time we moved into Stonelands there was a dedicated television room with some brown moth-eaten sofas and chairs and a green carpet/rug in the centre. On Saturday nights we would sit on the sofas under blankets (it was always so, so cold) and watch television together. I have some happy memories of this time, laughing and joking together with our fellow crew mates, whilst watching programs like the Old Grey Whistle Test, or Clint Eastwood in his Westerns. When Stonelands was sold, she only went for about £350k, a far cry from what she would have been worth had she been looked after and invested in. One could say the same for the staff too as they were worth far more, and never paid for their very full time contribution to spreading the word and work of Scientology.
However, everything was to change very soon and an ill wind was on its way… little did I know what was in store for me or my family!


Approximately three months after arriving at Stonelands and Saint Hill, I was sent to the Flagship Apollo to train to become a Commodore’s Messenger. I was about to turn twelve years old. By this time, my new little brother had been born, and was just a month old. I had become very attached to him. Arrangements had been made for me to catch the coach to St. Hill where Angela Berthoud would drive me to the airport. I recall sobbing as I waved goodbye to my mother, sister, brother and baby brother as the Coach drew away. To this day I simply cannot understand a parent allowing her 11 year old daughter to be taken away to somewhere completely unknown. This is something my mother has had to come to terms with and we have discussed it at great length, but it is totally indicative of just how brain washed and controlled we all were. As many of you will be aware, the whereabouts of LRH was supposed to be a secret at the time, so my mother didn’t even know what country I was destined for.

I remember being sick on the aeroplane (something I had never done before, nor since) sitting next to some huge Portuguese bloke smoking some god-awful European cigarette. Arriving in Lisbon, I was met by a chap called Paul and taken to the dockside. Then there she was, The Apollo. She was absolutely enormous to me, and I stood on the quayside looking up, and up and up at her. Up on the ‘A’ deck, starboard side I noticed a line of young girls, and one small boy with very smart Sea Org uniforms and caps on looking down at this skinny kid, newly arrived from the UK. I began to feel very small, and oh so very, very alone. I wanted to turn heel and run away, but had no idea where I was, nor where or whom to run to?
Finally, papers must have been checked and I was given permission to come aboard. Someone who came on board with me was in uniform, and was saluted as they touched on deck. I was taken down below decks to a very cramped dormitory. Dark, dingy and clothes hanging all over the place, we were hard pressed to find my bunk. I was shown to a bunk at the far end of the dorm, and told that this would be my berth. I sat down, numb, confused and desperately, desperately unhappy. I then lay down and sobbed my heart out. Someone must have reported my crying, because Maria Starkey turned up and told me to pull myself together. Between sobs I told her I wanted my mother, and wished to go back to St. Hill. She told me that this would not be possible and that I had to get my ethics in, stop crying and come upstairs as soon as possible. She said this would be “blowing” and that they had my passport anyhow. This was all double-dutch to be anyhow, as I had not yet come to know what the meaning of “blowing” was, I just knew I felt trapped and that there was no way out. Tired and confused, I made my way up on deck to await my fate.

Immediately, I was EPFed and put to work on painting a cabin. I was on my own doing this, but the cabin was very near the Snipes Mess. The Snipes were the engineers who worked in the Engine Room, and this Mess came to be a second home for me. This was a place where fun, jokes, camaraderie could be found. I didn’t mind that I ended up being a Snipes Steward for a while, it was great fun in there, and I always looked forward to meal times when such people as toothy grinned Rocky Stump and Dusty Rhodes regaled us with their life stories.
When I left Stonelands, I forgot to take my glasses with me and thus struggled to see properly when I was on the Ship. I asked if my mother could send them to me, but was told I would have to write her a letter. I did this, but the letter was returned to me unsent, having been heavily vetted because I had mentioned that LRH was on the ship. I had also committed the crime of telling her that we were in Portugal. The returned letter resembled something from a James Bond Secret Agent file where words were blacked out in heavy black pen. I have no idea what eventually happened to my final letter but I never did get my glasses, so must have compensated somehow.
Once I got used to being on the Ship, there were times when we had fun, but they were few and far between. There were other children on the Ship whose parents weren’t with them (apart from Shane Dunleavy and Arthur Hubbard) and we did used to run amok if and when we could.

We were not always supervised, and certainly weren’t schooled at all, ever, so we found fun becoming little delinquents, and some more so than others. I was once put to work in the Ethics area where Stuart Moreau was Ethics Officer. I was given a very, very large mountain of Knowledge Report filing to do, and not being able to see properly, and not being able to confront filing it all, I simply shredded it. From what I have come to learn since, it would appear that I did a lot of people a favour!!

One person I will always remember with great fondness was someone called Jesus Jesse Riveira. He was responsible for the tuck shop, which was open a couple of times a day, and he would
sell tuna fish sandwiches and Snicker bars. I never, ever had any money so occasionally he would sneak me a Snicker or sandwich. He was always laughing and joking and I liked his company mostly because he was kind to me.

LRH’s kids, especially Arthur and Suzette seemed to have quite a spoiled life. I know sweet gentle, kind hearted Quentin was auditing, but the younger two did appear to have more fun. I recall Arthur having a cabin full of comics and I was desperate to be able to share in them, but couldn’t. I remember him laughing his head off because he lit his farts!!

There was another time too, where Mary Sue had purchased a new puppy, and because this puppy had been sedated during his journey to the Ship, an order came down from LRH that everyone on board had to be quiet whilst the puppy slept through and
came out of his stupor in case he picked up any engrams on the way back!
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #318 on: September 07, 2016, 05:32:18 AM »

                                                              FROM ORIGINS TO OFFLOAD part 3


There were a lot of nice people on the Ship, so precious moments snatched with them were really valuable to me; memories such as a lovely kind lady who played the song “Summertime” on her tape player to me and encouraged me to sing along with her. Alan Voss was also kind to me, and once rescued me from a fight between the Captain and another crew member. I think I remember who it was but as I am not 100 per cent sure won’t mention his name. The Captain and this crew member were screaming abuse at each other and throwing punches. I could not abide violence, and despite only being 12 years old, ran into the middle of the fight and tried to prise them apart. The resulting punch to my face put an end to the fight, but Alan Voss was the person who pulled me out of it and tended to my wound.

At times, I got very, very sea sick, and the advice to anyone feeling sea sick like this was to sit on the Poop Deck or a deck somewhere and look out at the Horizon. These moments became cathartic for me and I often saw things like a storm in the distance whose beauty took your breath away. There were also moments where we were at sea, in the middle of the night, and I would take a walk around the decks, and then go up to sit by the Stack of the ship watching the glorious stars and the Milky Way. This was my way of feeling free again, and helped me to feel less trapped. I recall too, that there was an eclipse one day when we were at sea, and the ocean turned a beautiful honey coloured yellow and dolphins rode the crest of the waves as the Ship cut forward. These snatched moments are frozen in time for me, and still today if I recall them I am filled with a sweet softness of being.

I had to grow up very, very fast and had my first cigarette on the Ship, but it was bad PR to smoke above decks as we were
children, so we were only allowed to smoke below. On the 25th April, 1974 we were docked at Port when the Portuguese Coup occurred. I, along with other crew members was so scared because the Portuguese people on the Quayside were throwing rocks at the ship and us, and tanks were trained on the ship. Rebels had seized control of Portugal and we were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and under suspicion because no-one really knew who or what we were. The PR story had been that LRH was there to study ancient civilisations, but we had been coming and going into Port along that coast line for a long time, so the locals were suspicious.
I also learned to change flags like the Ensign, and to climb the Crows nest. I learned how to caulk decks and to scrub them!! I learned what hawsers and cleats were; in fact there was a member of staff on board who had lost a finger or two from a hawser in his grasp. I learned how ships were taken into Port by tug boats. I learned how stores were loaded on board whilst out at anchor; I learned to say hello to the wizened, sun dried Portuguese fisherman on the quayside, and shook their leathery hands. I learned how to work in a galley and serve the Officers (even if I did serve cockroaches to the Captain on the underside of his eggs as I hadn’t notice the roach in the frying pan)! I recall the scuttling noise the roaches used to make when you turned the lights on in a cabin and they ran away from the light. This happened again at the Flag Land Base in Florida much later on when I walked into the toilet one day and turned the light on. Ugh….!!

I learned to paint the side of the ship with red lead whilst seated on a bosun’s chair. I remember someone playing a trick on my about my MU about the saying “use elblow grease” and spending about half an hour looking for elbow grease before someone put me right. I remember once having to wash LRH’s breakfast dishes, and a Messenger coming back three times to make sure I washed a pot again, and again and again until LRH’s standards of cleanliness would be met.

I learned harsh emotional and life lessons too. For instance, I had to serve food to staff who were put into quarantine because they either had an infectious disease/virus or bug or who were under “baby watch” for having gone Type 3. One instance really stand out in my mind… a girl had contracted crabs (and I had no idea what crabs were, not how you contracted them, but someone told me). She was put into quarantine whilst the M.O. treated her and I had to pass food to her by putting it on the floor in the corridor outside her cabin, and then she in turn would return the empty plate. The funny thing about these cabins is that they ran next door on the same corridor as the PR room where press and local dignitaries would be wined and dined. I wonder if Jim Din would remember the time I was washing up in the galley, and I spied a wine bottle with liquid in it on the side of the sink. Thinking it was wine, I took a huge sniff of it, and keeled over. It was Ammonia! Jim Din was the M.O. at the time, and he literally held me upside down over the side of the ship to get the blood running back to my head. We used to use Ammonia on the ship to clean things like sinks and urinals. Health and Safety… pah!

We used to have to wash and check every lettuce leaf with gentian violet to make sure it was clean. As LRH was so fastidious about every single mote of dust even, cleanliness was high on the agenda of the galleys, and any stomach bug would have resulted in a loss of performance, so it was important to LRH that we had high standards of hygiene, especially in the galleys. However, he was too obsessed with cleanliness, and every crease in his shirts had to be ironed to perfection, every floor polished so you could see your face. I recall having to polish the floor just outside his office and I was trembling as he was only a few feet away and his door was open. He didn’t acknowledge my presence at all, and I remember Tony Dunleavy in an office behind me and LRH in front and I felt just like Cinderella, on all fours polishing the floor. Then out of blue, for no reason that I could see, LRH lost the plot and stood up, wiped everything off his desk with one long sweep, thumped the table and roared. And I mean ROARED. I jumped out of my skin… never ever in my life then, or since have I ever felt such rage. Truly, truly terrifying, especially to a small 12 year old. I scuttled away as fast as my legs could carry me. I never did find out why he was so angry, but quite often if he had these tantrums, some poor C/S below decks would be punished in one way or another.
However, there were many more “grown ups” who scared the hell out of me, and talked to me like I was a piece of shit on their shoe. People like Norman and Maria Starkey, Kerry Gleason, Dede Reisdorf, Doreen…….,
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #319 on: September 07, 2016, 05:33:28 AM »

                                                  FROM ORIGINS TO OFFLOAD part 4                


There were members of the crew who were members of the Clique Elite. These were so called “Officers” who made it their business to become one of the “in crowd” with the Commodore’s Messengers, or LRH himself. People such as Jill and Kerry Gleason, Kima and Tony Dunleavy, Capt. Bill, Gerry Armstrong, Norman and Maria Starkey, Bill Franks, The Siberskys. I can see now, that is a lot of cases this was probably a survival mechanism. I had seen a person thrown over the side of the ship on LRH’s orders for some transgression or another, and this terrified me. LRH stood up on his deck, with his messengers either side of him, watching the scene unfold. This was enough to scare the wits out of anyone, so I never, ever did open my mouth again to complain, I just put up with my lot. However, what I did begin to do would lead to the next phase in my life.

I was scared of the Commodore’s Messengers, and knew by now that I was not going to be one because I had wanted to leave the ship, so I had immediately signed my ostracisation warrant. They seemed to take great delight, (and with such relish) in handing out LRH’s orders. It was extraordinary how much power these kids had because we were to view them as being LRH himself. What they said was supposed to be coming directly out of LRH’s mouth. This led to abuses already highlighted by other people in their own accounts. I will never forget the images of them cow towing to him, actually holding his ashray for him when he smoked his cigarettes. When he gave them an order to relate, they had to know it verbatim, and would run from A to B to deliver it; they also had to relate the responses back to LRH verbatim, but I also remember them barking orders to us as though coming from LRH, but by this stage they really believed they had power and were abusing it.

Arriving on the ship, I had very little in the way of clothes or shoes, and after about three months had completely run out of sanitary ware. A kind person or two allowed me to have some of theirs, but in the end I started pinching it. I pinched a pair of trousers from someone in the dorm, and some sanitary ware from another. As a result I was put to work cleaning out punkerlouvres. Now if anyone has seen these, we had to crawl through them and dust them out. This was very, very dirty work and not without its dangers either. Unfortunately, around this time LRH devised the Rehabiliation Project Force (RPF). In addition, he devised the RPF’s RPF. Due to the fact I still wanted to leave and had become a little delinquent, I was of no use to them, and was so very obviously not eligible to become a Commodore’s Messenger (thank the Lord), that short of off-loading me, I was perfect fodder for an RPF guinea pig. I was therefore one of the first RPFers (whoopee). As I still wished to leave, and didn’t appear to be reforming, I was then put on the RPF’s RPF. Being on the RPF meant having to wear black boiler suits, black arm bands, working strenuously doing labour around the ship all day, and studying in the lower hold at nights. It also meant not eating until the rest of the crew had eaten and cleaning up after them. We were also not allowed to speak to any crew member unless spoken to by them first. However, there was no reforming me, I wanted to go back to my mother and family.

Another time, a dear man called Bruce had fallen headlong in love with a girl called Nancy who worked in Mimeo. Nancy was also a sister of one of the Commodore’s messengers so what happened as the story unfolded would definitely have got back to LRH fast. Bruce’s affections were not returned, and this unrequited love (and I am sure the conditions we were living under at the time) led to him having a nervous breakdown. As many ex and current Scientologists will know, when a Scientologist suffered what was known as a Type 3 breakdown, they were put on “baby watch”. This was where a round the clock babysitting service was put into place, so that the person was never, ever left on their own for their own safety until they had been handled. Bruce was locked up in a cabin in the Forward Well Deck. At this time, I had been RPFd, RPFd, and was locked up in the chain locker of the ship for three days on the order of LRH via Hannah Eltringham. I could hear Bruce ranting and raving upstairs, and at one point when someone was escorting me to the toilet, Bruce peed through the keyhole. I heard his screams and he ripped up a mattress with is bare hands and his teeth. He pulled wood panelling off the walls of the cabin, and in the end there was nothing left in there. I heard all of this going on, but all I could do was absorb it for what it was. I had nothing left; I was drained, numb, a shell of my former self. I had lost everything about me. If you had pinched me, punched me, thrown me on the floor I would not have cared anymore. I was spent. Find my ruin…. hah…… LRH had ruined me by breaking down all my defences, my energy, my very being. After three days locked up in the chain locker, terrified that the anchor would be lowered with me sitting on the cold, iron smelling, wet shackles would take me with them, I was released into imprisonment in the laundry room to await offload, finally !! Robin Scott flew back with me to St. Hill where I had to petition LRH for permission to rejoin my mother in the S.O.

I hoped and yearned for some sort of normality, and to a certain extent I got it as I had my family back. But “family back” meant having a Family Day once a year, and snatching the off few minutes during dinner time before having to go back to work again. Never, ever again, until we left Scientology altogether did we spend valuable, loving and fruitful time together as a family.
When I returned to the UK, I went back to school again. I had missed out a whole year of schooling. When I left the UK to go to the Ship I attended a local primary school in East Grinstead for a month, but by the time I got back to the UK, I was old enough to attend senior school, but the other kids had a years’ experience on me. Couple this with being bullied for being a “Scino who worships baked bean cans” made me more determined than ever that I would not be a victim again. Nothing could be as bad as what I had just done through, so I put up with it with a strength and resilience I know today I can be very proud of. I did develop some psychological problems such as not being able to swallow properly, and I was always the last to finish my school dinners (our one main nutritious meal of the day by the way). Only now, as an adult have I come to read articles about this anxiety disorder, and I can directly relate it to my treatment on the Ship. I also had very painful periods around this time, and was not allowed to take painkillers, only the dreaded CalMag. In the end, I guess we all dealt with things in our own way, and luckily my way was to stay alive and to survive.


I recall LRH having coined a song whilst I was on the Apollo, and I have never forgotten it because in some ways it epitomises how he treated so many people who would not conform with utter disdain.
It goes something like this and I apologise if I don’t get it exactly verbatim:-
“WHO CARES ABOUT THE FATE
OF THE JERK WHO CAME TOO LATE
IF HE WILL DRINK CYANIDE
HE SHOULD NOT EXPECT TO THRIVE
WITH TRIGGER FINGER CURLED
MAN SET OUT TO SHOOT THE WORLD
BUT INSTEAD HE SHOT HIMSELF
SO LET’S LEAVE HIM ON THE SHELF
FOR HIS WORLD WAS GOING DOWN, DOWN down to die

LORD SAID I…. WE’RE GOING UP WHILE THE WORLD GOES DOWN
WE WEAR A SMILE WHILE THE WORLD WEARS A FROWN
WHILE OTHERS ALL DIE
WE ARE VERY ALIVE
SO WHY NOT JOIN UP AND SURVIVE”

Nevertheless I had to learn to cope somehow, but I did find it very hard to fit in again, as I had effectively become a “young adult” and the children at Stonelands were still children. I refused to go to bed when I was told to, and ended up working at St. Hill stuffing envelopes in the evenings instead. I worked on Reception in the school holidays and certainly witnessed the Registrars such as Peter Morgan, Julie (or was it Rufus) Price and Hazel Grafton be put through the wringer for not closing enough deals, and being set huge targets. I saw them under circumstances of enormous pressure, and many a time a member of public would come in having re-mortgaged their house, sold their car, cashed in their insurance policies.

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?25780-FROM-ORIGINS-TO-OFFLOAD
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #320 on: September 08, 2016, 08:04:05 AM »

                                     Posted on Ex Scientology message board.

 Hello, I'm finally here


    I was sucked in to it all in the early '90's. I fell for the "join staff and receive your training/auditing free" pitch. Married with two youngsters, I thought my instant Cope Officer role would be what I needed to get back into the workforce. The experience was both captivating and unsettling. My husband yanked me out by leaving his job and insisting we move back out of state to our home. I was lavishly coated in guilt and anxiously did the routing off. Though I took some of my one-year experience with me, it faded over time. Several moves later, and thanks to the Post Office's forwarding service, the church never left me alone. In 2011 I had gotten sick of the junk mail, and contacted their "mailing department", to be smugly condescended to NOT be removed from their list. My husband had passed, my children grown and gone, I moved once more, this time with no forwarding address, in hopes to ditch them. Here is where I am confessing what I really don't want to confess: a year and a half later, they contacted me by phone, totally controlled the conversation, messed with my logic and I bought in to the "New" program. Then they proceeded to manipulate my desires into paying my "freeloader" fee, purchase expensive services: the pre-requisite Purif and subsequent Survival RD, as well as buying the WHOLE congress/lecture/ACC's materials; with instant pressure to continue on irregardless of the fact that I have repeatedly told them I've emptied my retirement account. (Sorry, long sentence...)

    I am still on their books as an active Scientologist, who needs to return for a tech assessment. I went in a few weeks ago to stop them from calling me to come in, but I'm done. I'm ashamed to admit to my children that I've spent my future security on this, and to admit to my now boyfriend that my "personal counseling" was the cost of a new car.

    I'm here to get good information on how to stop the onslaught. I need peace.

    Juno

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?42597-Hello-I-m-finally-here

Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #321 on: September 08, 2016, 06:03:43 PM »

                                                        Posted on ESMB     

                                 hi guys and gals

    what'sup wessside, as you can see this is a long post and if it belongs elsewhere or if certain parts belong elsewhere and have been already covered at length just let me know, I am a newb yo.

    I'm new here and I can't stand the fact that my parents are scientologists ...

    if they had any common sense, which I believe they do, i think they would see right through that bullsh*t , i am just perplexed because they seem like somewhat ordinary humans, my father and mother both are savvy about lot's of ordinary things but when it comes to scientology they are sheeplike and dumb

    my father is a 'clear' who with NED audited eight others to 'clear' and now freelances as a field auditor and listens to lrh's lectures sometimes on a daily basis, he is oldschool and doesn't believe in the 'golden age of tech' saying it was fine before; he doesn't believe in the quantum upgrade of the meter either (or something like that). He is at ends with the church as an organization and gossips about it sometimes, like he told me one day that D.M. sacked Mark Yaeger and Guillame Leserve and that's why D.M is the only one who speaks at events now makes sense to me. He also speaks poorly of the seaborg and is otherwise critical of the CoS ... He seems like a sane guy but he does believe in all the rubbish that goes with it. He's read most of the Mission earth novels. He is often enough a nice person but also a psycho and a delusional mental case who sometimes explodes in anger probably because he is bottled up inside due to his austere and rigid catholic upbringing which brought him to have faith in the CoS abomination. I would say he's mad or schizophrenic because he sometimes yells at me or others (complete strangers sometimes) and later says he can't remember acting that way but i can understand that because when people get old and live through too much pain they change for the worse in ways like that ... He is and has always been brittle and weak and very skinny which is why he broke a disk between his vertebrae in his back while working in a supermarket way back in the day. My father has no shame in spending his time trying to con the government out of cash because he doesn't like all the taxes he payed back in his heyday I suppose , and calls other con artists or people who charge too much ^pirates^ ... he himself ran a photography business once where he only gave partial exchange and tried to start his own bank-like business of lending people money while asking for a greater return , unfortunately those people were 'scientologists' who spent the loaned money on the 'bridge' or something and weren't able to pay him back and so it was a pathetic business venture ... usually you back people who seem industrious not people who would spend cash on spiritual enlightenment but whatever that's just my opinion

    my mom is on ot 4 or 5 and has been having trouble 'moving up the bridge' since completing OT3 in the late 70's or early eighties and has spent lot's of money on it all and has taken a second or third mortgage out on the house i think mostly to buy (ew) (cringe) scientology services. It was my father's idea to take out a mortgage on the house the first time to buy the briefing course and some ot levels or something of the sort and my mum didn't want to because it wasn't a good idea (back when she was sane I guess), and the second and third time I believe it was my mom's doing probably to buy odditing at aola , and now we owe 200,000 on the house when it would have been all payed off in 2019 because it was originally a thirty year loan of 75.000 dollars when the housing market was at decent prices.... this makes me quite sad , say it ain't so. gooby plz
    I tell her that Scn is garbage and that I don't like it but she doesn't want to hear about it or turns a deaf ear to my pleas of sanity .. I have reason to believe that she is naive this way because when she was younger all four of her wisdom teeth were removed and you know that local anesthetic is real bad, it spreads through the blood stream and crosses the blood brain barrier and has a notable effect on sleeping patterns and other things like memory and personality.
    Our house is full of LRH books and tapes and CDs which we never listen to, we have all sorts of editions and reissues and course materials and impact magazine.

    anyway
    sh*t just drives me crazy , it makes no sense ,
    I am an only child and my parents divorced when I was ten or so. My father didn't want to have another kid 'until my mom was ot v' which is sad because having a sibling could be the defining relationship in any given persons life. I never liked scn but I made an attempt to read 88008 and random bulletins from the red tech vols when I was about 12, it's the craziest read ever even with a grain of salt and understanding of the jargon.

    When I was little The trailer of the movie 'Flash Gordon' scared the crap out of me I most likely because it was so similar to scn.


    A rant is according to urban dictionary to (1)Talk wildly or incoherently, as if one were delirious or insane.
    and as regards to LRH's lectures this wikipedia article comes to mind https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_disorder

    I had some good friends in scn..

    I also wanted to say that the e-meter is maybe not well understood by dianeticists or scngists , take for instance a 'rock slam' which according to scn is purportedly tells of an evil purpose but it could as well signify the person is having some kind of mini/subconcious panic attack because their mind is put in check by those dumb questions being asked so their brain freaks out or it could be some kind of disagreement or just plain old hatred... but I could be wrong. In any case the human brain has so many synapses and neurons that it seems to me that the movement of a needle couldn't tell you much or anything at all.
    However I was at the mission in Glendale and an eleven year old walked in and asked about the e-meter I put him on the cans and the first thing he said was "i hate whales" and the needle began to rock slam .. he looked at me and asked what that meant and I told him I didn't know (instead of telling him it meant an evil purpose), so he looked back at the meter and put the cans down and then left.

    I remember a few times going to an unoccupied emeter and putting myself on the cans and making myself rockslam by concentrating on certain thoughts or emotions. Probably because I was bored with scn and saw it as slow and dull.

    I assume the e-meter is probably discussed at length elsewhere by savvy ppl . If you have a link to a good emeter thread leave in in the comments.

    anyway this is a start tell me what yall think

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?42591-hi-guys-and-gals
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #322 on: November 01, 2016, 06:20:40 AM »

                  I'm going to tell my story bit by bit - here's my first bit, copied over from the new members introduction forum.
                                              Wilbur

Finding the OT Levels

OK, so, I had been off staff for a few years, and paid off a £12,000+ freeloader bill. I would go into the Org now and again, and had about £2,000 in my account. Being in need of a stat one week, someone in the Org decided that I needed a Sec Check, which, coincidentally, ended up using the £2,000 I had in my account. At the time, I knew I didn’t need a Sec Check, but decided that the tech people knew best, and went along with it. Anyway, there came a point in the Sec Check, as I was starting to feel worse and worse, when it suddenly occurred to me that the Church might not actually be capable of getting me ‘up the Bridge’. That started a chain of thought rolling.

Meanwhile, having extricated myself partially from Org life, I had managed to get myself back on track with my wog life somewhat, by going to university (I had abandoned a place at university previously to join staff). (Hummingbird: there – I’ve narrowed it down from 3 to 1 :-P)

Sitting in the university computer room, with the Fishman documents in front of me on the screen, I had OTI to OTVIII links, plus other confidential stuff, begging me to open them. I took a deep breath. Inserted a floppy disk into the computer’s disk drive, and then paused. “Once I click on these, it’s going to take them maybe an hour to get to me. OK, Go!!!” I knew there was a good chance I wouldn’t have time to read them there before they got to me somehow, so I downloaded them to the floppy, and then dumped the entire set of files to a dot matrix printer in the next room. I then took the floppy, and the printout (several hundred pages, including the pages and pages and pages of OTII implant platens) and rushed out of the building. My heart pounded all the way home. I didn’t really think they would physically come for me, but I had thought that they might somehow be able to detect that I was downloading them, and stop the download, or SOMETHING. Or perhaps they WOULD come for me.

Reading the OT levels was a whole thing in itself. I wasn’t too worried about OTI, but II and III had me really scared. I spent a whole afternoon with OTIII. Read one line, pause, wait, “am I still OK?” Then read the next line, heart pounding. I got through the story of Xenu like that. When I got to the technical stuff (I won’t give the details here) I was really panicking, and I did feel a little unwell (but I’ll tell you more about what happened to me after reading it in a later post). In the end, I just COULDN’T READ the details of the incidents, on that day. I really felt like it was possible I would cave in and die.

Later that evening, I rushed to a friend’s place of work (he worked night shift). He was ex-SO, and disaffected with the local org, and read the stuff with fascination. I would later show two or three other almost-exes the same materials.

More here….

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?42924-My-story-in-Scientology
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #323 on: February 19, 2017, 07:05:42 AM »


                    Scientology: Mysterious Deaths (Scientology Documentary) - Real Stories

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTtzc7sTZ-8
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #324 on: February 21, 2017, 07:02:38 AM »


                      Temporary Restraining Order Jack Parsons took out against L. Ron Hubbard


https://www.scribd.com/document/246520317/Jack-Parsons-TRO-against-Hubbard-1946
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #325 on: May 11, 2017, 07:05:40 AM »


                     Why I got into Scientology and why I left Scientology

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nINg6OMFmX8
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #326 on: June 28, 2017, 07:55:53 AM »

                 New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. Help!

    Hi Everyone!

    I can't believe that it's taken me this long to join an ex-Scientologist forum, but here I am. I just finished watching episode 0 of Season 2 of Leah Remini's brilliant A&E Scientology special and was reminded of just how little I know about how this "church" works, in spite of reading about four long non-fiction books on the topic.

    I am now 30 years old and was raised by a (thoroughly brainwashed) Scientologist father and a passive and complicit but non-Scientologist mother in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm fortunate because my mother always protected me from the evils of Scientology, even when she was doing the health rundown (to appease my father) and had me go into the sauna with her.

    However, I have never really known either of my parents and always felt like a bit of an "orphan" since they are selfish people (narcissistic, that is). My dad got into Scientology back in the '60s so I'm pretty sure that I'll never be able to get past the dumb, bland and programmed responses that I've been getting from him my whole life. My mom's almost the same even though she never approved of Scientology (for financial reasons). Neither of my parents got the appropriate mental health treatment for what I understand to be Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder (two illnesses that I have needed to learn to overcome myself) so for as long as I've known them they've pretty much just idled around the house in their free time wasting away, doing practically nothing and having basically no social life. It's very depressing and I'd always label it in my head as a sort of "half-suicide" back when I lived at home but, of course, I never said this. I only started to heal from my own mental illness the moment I moved out at age 22.

    I wonder, has anyone else here grown up with a Scientologist parent who basically never mentions it as a gesture of respect to their non-Scientologist spouse and children? I was never, ever proselytized and we always operated on this bizarre "don't ask, don't tell" unspoken agreement. Is this in keeping with the rules of Scientology? Lately, I've been having dreams where I break the silence and tell my father flat out that Scientology has ruined his life (which I would never say, but I wish I could if only it would turn off the automated responses). I often wonder, though, if I said something critical about Scientology would he disconnect from me? What would happen?

    For so long I've basically felt, in a way, that I have no parents because I had to learn all of the important self-care, social skills, professional skills, etc.. on my own. I need to limit my interaction with them to once a month or less or else I fall into a depressive mood and it just messes up all that I've been able to build up since age 22.

    My life is actually really great (good job, good health, and solid finances... at least by millennial standards) and it's because my parents gave me what they were able to and I appreciate them for it, especially when I hear the heart-breaking stories of people who grew up in Scientology who had decades of life stolen from them. But I know that not having a healthy relationship with my parents has really screwed with my ability to have a solid emotional foundation. (I had a 5 1/2 year codependent relationship in my early 20's and have since learned how to grow out of those bad habits, but I still feel like I'm always a few steps behind others in a lot of ways and often depressed for no reason due to my crazy parents.)

    I often wonder how I can unravel the mystery of all the silence, all the distance. What's going on in their heads that they're not talking about? Does anyone here have more insights than I do and have any guesses? Any feedback would be helpful. Thank you in advance!!

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?44055-New-Here-and-Still-Trying-to-Untangle-the-Mysteries-of-My-Scientologist-Father-Help!
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #327 on: September 10, 2017, 02:48:55 AM »

                                                          2 Years in S.O.


I was in for 10 years (1971 to 1981) (on Apollo & Flag) ending up in the RPF for fraternizing with a public pc (an auditor from Munich Org who was there for training and auditing)
Funny thing is that the Public Snr C/S (Jeff Walker) thought what I was doing (before being RPF'd for it) was great because if she stayed (or went and came back) to be with me Flag would have another "good auditor" join the ranks...but of course the E/O didn't see it that way.

Prior to that I was courting a staff member BUT because she was a CMO trainee she was ORDERED to not be with me (as I was merely a lowly public pc folders I/C. Being RPF'd didn't make me leave tho...it was all the entheta and enturbulation between Mission Holders and SCN management (1981) that I overheard taking place in the main auditorium...so I said Screw This...I'm outta here and I routed out. Now my understanding was that if you BLOW you get declared an SP so I routed out to avoid that...and lo and behold I get declared an SP anyway. Well congrats to me because here in ESMB I have finally called SCN a "cult" and have bad-mouthed it...so does THAT qualify me now as a true blue SP?

NOTE: For those of you who pay strict attention and scrutinize everything I have said here (LOL) just to clarify something: You may recall that in my initial post I stated that my experiences in SCN and the SO were overall not so bad.
Key word being "overall" I didn't say it was 100% great! I had some bad times too...just not as bad as others. And YES, I now truly know how Fooked Up (is that how you say it Phenomenon?) SCN and SO were and still are for others much less fortunate than I. Hope ESMB will stay up and running because I like you folks and being here.:yes:


Not feeling picked on at all...I feel "normal" so to speak for being one of the last to know as well as others. When you are part of a group you trust you are easily gullible and naive as to what is REALLY going on and worse even prey...until for some it's too damn late. My God was I flabbergasted to learn about all the suicides and murders of Scientologists. Were it not for ESMB and Leah and Mike and OWN and You Tube...I'd still be a naive dope. There is sooo much more I haven't even read or seen or heard yet...but I've read,seen,heard enough and am now the wiser. Personally knowing some of the abused makes it more concrete (I knew the Reisdorf's on the Apollo)

I'll add some more of my "not so great" experiences and please know that by no means would I have the audacity to claim that mine were anywhere even close to the worst experiences of others but for whatever it's worth here they are...again I want to remove the notion from anyone's mind that I may have mistakenly created earlier that ALL my experiences were good.

1971 - 1975 I arrived at Apollo in Morocco - was immediately disappointed by the dark, cold, sleeping arrangements that some had in the lower decks. The men's dorm stunk. You've heard that there were roaches (the famous Roach Darby created by LRH to pay staff to find and destroy roach nests) I cried but was afraid to write to my parents anything negative. My first post was Mimeo Files Clerk under Sue Baker. She was very protective of me...I'll give her that.


This is when I was shown the famous Jacob's Mountain (Jacob Kemp) consisting of a hugh pile of returned mimeos (policy, bulletins, OODs (orders of the day) and much more. I got comm ev'ed along with the whole Mimeo Files department and was scared shitless but nothing happened to me because I was so new that they didnt find me guilty of anything. When I became Mimeo Files I/C I petitioned Ken Urghart (spelling?) to dump this mountain of issues overboard into the deep ocean. It was approved and we filled large black bags with all the accumulated issues and big rocks and down to Davey's locker they went. In retrospect there were many orgs with very skimpy mimeo files who would have loved to have many of these throwaways (the non-Flag only issues of course) but it was costly to ship to them.

There was a guy who worked in some kind of electricians capacity who went beserk and I found him shredding LRH's original handwritten HCOB's (which were kept in boxes atop the Mimeo Files) Don't know what made me think to do this but I went up to him and said "Good job...we now have another special mission for you so come with me (which he did) and I escorted him right to the MAA. This guy got locked up in a empty storage room with no port hole and metal door with a secure locking clamp. When they let him out I saw the inside of the room which the guy had CLAWED the walls like an animal. Don't know what became of him.


I witnessed a mutiny against Captain Norman Starkey by three guys but it got quashed by a group of very strong big guys led by a Stuart Moreau (spelling?)

Once LRH came storming onto the bridge during a heavy fog screaming "Where is this vessel" and "What are you (referring to everyone on watch) a bunch of pollywogs?" LRH held up a radio and twisted it left to right slowly until he picked up a radio station and he asked me (the lookout) to take a bearing on it (with the gyro compass) which I did and relayed it to LRH and he said "That's wrong! (so I felt like an idiot) Needless to say we found our way okay to our destination.
I saw Otto Roos get offloaded I believe it was for sexual misconduct (I may be wrong) or some kind of serious insubordination. Before this I saw him force his way into the canteen, shut the door and either raped or forced a girl to have sex with him - while people were still waiting in line to buy stuff. Many were very scared of Otto.


1973-1975 This is when I became one of the Apollo Star musicians. What you may not know is that several of the members "blew" to form a band off-shore with some musician they met at a gig we did...but they came back and were assigned to the RPF...but not for long. I think they were given an amnesty because their roles as part of the band for the value of the 'good PR" we created for the ship was too important at the time. Once we were invited onto a local radio show (perhaps it was in Curacao or some such island) and the radio announcer suddenly started accusing us and the ship of being CIA (which of course we denied)...but I wasn't expecting that nor was I properly trained on how to handle that stuff. I returned to the ship and was debriefed by someone (in the GO I think) and I cried having been so upset by it.


1975-1981 When the ship staff and contents moved to Clearwater thousands of both public and staff pc folders arrived in total disorder and mixed together. I created A-Z files for each category and sorted the entire mess out by myself. I was then assigned the post of Public PC Folders I/C. I was only a "Dianetic Clear' and yet whenever I had to send a public pc's folders back to their local org or mission I had to remove the FLAG ONLY auditing process HCOB's that were for OTlll's and higher (which as you know were confidential and off-limits to NON-OTlll's) but nobody would help me...and I was soooooo afraid I'd see something I wasn't supposed to see and freak out or go insane or something. Once I saw the word "cluster" and thought "Oh Shit" what does THAT mean? I hardly ever received any auditing and a few times I felt like blowing but I wrote a letter to the SNR C/S David Mayo asking for help...but I got nothing...so I did blow.


"We Come Back" is the motto so sure enough I was encouraged to return to Flag by the CMO with the promise of a program to help me (and others like me) but no such program took place. Jeff Walker got me assigned to be a page for the public pcs. This is where I met "Claudia" an auditor from Munich and we had a relationship on the sneak. I was always afraid it would come up in her auditing sessions...which I guess it did cause next thing I know it's off to the RPF for Tommy. Then as you know from a previous post I routed out amidst a lot of turmoil.

http://www.forum.exscn.net/threads/2-years-in-s-o.44327/
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #328 on: January 14, 2018, 05:48:12 PM »

                'Do not go near them...it will destroy you' - Ex Scientology worker issues warning over church

Ex-worker says involvement with the church left him 'with nothing', writes Conor Feehan

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/do-not-go-near-themit-will-destroy-you-ex-scientology-worker-issues-warning-over-church-36483852.html
Logged
Ididntcomeback
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****

Karma: +14/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 14442


« Reply #329 on: March 01, 2018, 08:01:24 AM »

          ‘We all could see the rottenness’: Why this Ontario woman won’t let Scientology have the last word

https://medium.com/@courtgreenberg/we-all-could-see-the-rottenness-why-this-ontario-woman-won-t-let-scientology-have-the-last-word-91a76c9f3915
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 20 21 [22] 23   Go Up
Print
Jump to: