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« Reply #225 on: March 07, 2012, 11:10:23 AM »

                                               SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                      Part 193

                                                   The Verdict

I`d better give a little bit of background here.  I didn`t just suddenly get interested in legal process.
I`d always, as long as I remember, been searching for truth.
And isn`t that what legal process was supposed to be about.

I mean what other institute has that as its purpose?

I was curious as to why the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth wasn`t showing up in the legal system.

I found that it was actually the opposite.
Legal process was actually being used to hide lies.

Just look at Scientology as the perfect example.

No organization has used the legal system more effectively to hide the truth.
Doesn`t it strike you as a huge outpoint that Scientology has successfully hidden its sinister activities
by using the one institution that the world considers the ultimate truth finding system.

I mean.... It`s Scientology`s number one tool.

You take on Scientology and predictably you can count on the fact that they will use legal as a counter attack.

It`s a no brainer.

But how is it that the system designed by man to extract the truth was actually the number one tool being used by liars for hiding the truth ?

The reason is that the legal system has a lie as it`s foundation.

This will stretch your understanding a little.

But fuck it. Let`s go.

The courtroom is mans deluded dramatization of what heaven is.

It is Judgment day.

The accused is now fighting for his right to life.

Will he be found guilty or not guilty ?

If  he is proven guilty, he will be thrown on the pile of human refuse to burn in hell.
The stakes are high. The potential for drama irresistible. The ritual itself is enough to make most
defendants lose their minds.  Like I told you... the mind is not your friend. The moment you actually really need it, it abandons you.

If anyone ever needed convincing that the human mind actually has a mind of its own, the legal system is the perfect manifestation of that. It`s where the mind has stamped its damper firmly on human enlightenment. You`ve all heard of people with brilliant legal minds.
You all saw how O.J Simpson was found not guilty of murder with the help of his "dream team."

Does this not send a message to the world that guilt or innocence are inconsequential.
What is important is that you have a brilliant legal mind working for you.

I read up on the law. I won`t bore you with the details. But essentially politicians attempt to regulate problems out of existence. An act of parliament becomes a general broad Law.

This becomes the standard by which the judiciary judges cases.
Trouble is, that no specific case falls into the fictitious model used to create the law.
So now it goes to trial. The Judge will try to position the Verdict as closely as he can to the act of parliament. But this case has now set a new precedent. This becomes known as case law.

That`s why you always hear lawyers citing "Case number 861. Brown versus Smith." etc.

Now the other thing that gets tricky is that some laws encroach on other laws.

In fact a good lawyer can bring laws against racism into a murder trial, confuse the judge, and get his client off. But that`s why you need a "dream team."

I thought I`d try my hand at this legal stuff.

A friend of my brothers had a legal problem. She was being taken to court.  I listened to her story and
decided I`d indulge myself. 

So I got her agreement that she`d do exactly what I said and not suddenly have any bright ideas
midway through the case. She gave me her word.

So I scripted the trial and gave her her lines.
I know it sounds crazy.  She told me that the guy suing her had a lawyer representing him.
She wanted me to represent her in court. But I saw that her strength was actually her weakness.
So I drilled her on how to use that apparent weakness as part of the strategy.

I would have loved to have gone into the court with her. But I could see that was not the best strategy. 

She went to court ,and did exactly what I told her.
When she came out she was glowing.

She won on every count. Got a huge settlement and told me...

"The judge said to me that, that was the best presented case he had ever seen."

 I have to admit I was quite chuffed with myself.

Immediately after that Mike Ferriss, the head of O.S.A. rang me up and asked if I could help
him with a legal problem. Apparently a Scientologist had been out delivering Scio pamphlets in letterboxes one evening.

A police car had pulled up beside him and the cops told him he had been witnessed peering into a womans bedroom window from on her property.

He was arrested , taken to jail and had been charged as a peeping Tom.
Can`t recall the exact wording for the charge.
Of course Mike was in damage control.
The guy was still holding all his "Scientology . solving problems in a troubled world" pamphlets as he was being processed at the cop shop.

I said "Sure I`ll help. Get him to phone me,"

The guy did phone a few days later.  He assured me he was innocent of the charge.

So I told him if he gave me a chronological history of the events of that evening that his innocence would be revealed.  I told him to put everything on a clock in sequence.

9:00 pm got off bus.
9:01 proceeded North on Columbus Street.
9:02 placed first pamphlet in 6 Columbus Street letterbox.  etc.

I told him that a chronological history will always expose inconsistencies in the truth.
I assured him that the truth would be revealed if he gave me that blow by blow account.
I also got him to assure me that he would contact me if he came up with a better idea.
 He never got back in touch.

So between the time he put the phone down from me and the time he was effectively pronounced
guilty, he filled in that time with a consciousness of guilt.

You see a persons actions or inaction reveal their motivation.

The person who stole the cookie is the only suspect who isn`t curious in the least about who stole the cookie.
It gives them a unique perspective which has manifestations the astute eye can pick up on.

The guy ended up getting a crime solving invention of the Justice system called "Diversion"  which means you admit you are guilty without saying so, and as it`s a first offense, you do some pointless community work and hopefully have learned your lesson.

Shortly after that I ran into a guy who I`d known in Scientology for years.

Trouble is he was in terrible shape.

I brought him home and got him to tell me what on earth had happened to him.

It didn`t take me long to realize that this guys troubled world was the result of
Scientology involving him in their problems.

He didn`t realize the implications of what he was telling me.

This guy was walking the streets penniless, when had it not been for his generosity
the Executive Director of the church of Scientology Auckland, Maggie Willis, would have been rotting in jail.

« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 05:47:58 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #226 on: March 08, 2012, 01:59:43 PM »

                                              SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                Part 194

                                    Justice System guilty of being right.

The reason people are spending their lives tripping over themselves is because they have identified with the mind they have created. Everything is personal to the mind.
 "How dare she say that about me ?"
" I`m depressed because God hates me."
"Why does true love evade me ?"
"I`ve got cancer and I`m going to die."

It`s understandable that people think like this. That`s what the mind was designed for.

The mind is the hand that moves your marker around the monopoly board of life.

The mind collects data to pose and resolve problems.
But it will never resolve the problem of the human mind.
It`s like asking a munitions factory to turn out love bombs.
It just overloads it. And says.... This is all too deep. I`ll put it all off till I die and then it will all make sense.

The mind thinks that the book by Sun Tzu, "The art of war" is brilliant.
It will tell you to read this book so you can beat your enemy.

The mind never asks, "where is the book  The art of avoiding war?"

There is nothing that illustrates the self indulgence of the mind better than the Justice system.

It is a bad behavior munitions factory.

I want to state here quite boldly that to eliminate crime, the first step is to dismantle the justice system.  And then organized religion would have nothing to enforce its bullshit on society.

The lie at the root of the problem is that "there is good and bad behavior." Right and wrong , if you like.

The justice system is there to root out bad behavior. And punish people for doing wrong.

           But....    "There is no such thing as good or bad behavior."

Hang on....  "We have the whole of human history to prove that bad behavior exists."

I`m sure your mind can show you a zillion examples of bad behavior.

Okay mind..... If you are so fucken smart... Tell me how do we eliminate it ?

You see the mind is now suspiciously silent.

"I`ll just wait till I die. All will be revealed then."

The Justice system meanwhile, will root out wrong doers and throw them on the pile of human refuse.

There is nothing like an encounter with the criminal justice system to leave you with all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings about your fellow man and society.

Why then, are the most serious offenders always showing up positive on a long and intimate relationship with the justice system?

So a proper investigation of serious crime by someone who had lost their mind would reveal that all these serious offenders had one thing in common. They were all intimately connected to the justice system.

Someone who was looking at this with a mind would come to a completely different conclusion.
They`d think, " punishing people will work if we can do worse things to the offender than the offender did to his or her victims."

Now I want to give you some free legal advice.

  "Stay out of the Justice system at all costs."

Let`s see if I can get this to gel somewhere in your psyche.

How can suffering end when the whole of mans impulse for justice produces suffering ?

Your tacit consent to this outrage, your sense of satisfaction on seeing some deviant getting his comeuppance, weaves suffering into the tapestry of life.

The suffering you will on others, you unwittingly will on yourself.

If you could download every bit of suffering the worst criminal in the world had endured and tuned into it, you would see that the criminal wasn`t acting out of the blue. His lack of respect for others was completely justified.  If he butchered one person, he is called a murderer. If he butchered thousands, he`s known as a conquerer. Then if someone butchers him, they are a murderer again. But if they butcher his whole regime they are a conquerer again.

As people act appropriately at all times, given their model of the world, it becomes clear that all there is, is different perspectives.  There is no right or wrong. !!!!!

The basic lie that the justice system is built on, is that there is right and wrong....When there isn`t !!!

With that out of the way, you can now actually create a brilliant legal mind.
And because you don`t identify with that mind, you can take suffering off the pile of "chance" cards
on your monopoly board.

                            "Everybody is right...All the time."

What is the capital of Uganda ?
 " I don`t know."   


"Why did Colonel Mustard murder Mrs. Peacock ?"

" For fun ?"


" Why did you swear on the Bible that you would tell the truth to this court and yet the evidence shows
you have told nothing but lies ?"

"Because the truth makes me look bad, when I`m really a good person."


A disagreement occurs when two differing viewpoints collide.
 A line is drawn in the sand. And battle commences.

One side attempts to overwhelm the opposition. In "civilized" society the justice system fills that roll.
They have a bigger gang than either of the opponents. So you want to get the law on your side.

Now each side of the argument that has been silly enough to use the justice system to enforce their rightness begins to build a case. They make their rightness indisputably right.
But what they have actually started to build is a blind spot.

By internalizing into their case they have now lost site of the truth that the other side is right too.

This truth  is so un confront-able that it reduces one to being a brilliant legal mind (A warrior) which inspires acts of savagery.  This mind now seeks utter destruction of the opposition.

If you can transcend the conflict you are now able to have fun regardless of the outcome.
For the simple reason is, you are actually playing both sides.

With all that in mind. I got my buddy to write a letter to the church of Scientology, Auckland, demanding that he be given his money back and that there would be no correspondence of any sort entered into.

Mike Ferriss phoned me up and asked me to help him with this one.

« Last Edit: March 13, 2012, 08:20:13 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #227 on: March 11, 2012, 11:54:26 AM »

                                                 SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                      Part 195

                                                  Show me the money

It didn`t take long for Scientology to send my buddy a legal letter.

Apparently the funds he had paid over were a donation.
The moment that donation was made my buddy gave up possession of those funds.

This was not a small amount at stake. It was enough for someone to do their whole bridge.

The point was that my buddy had not done the whole bridge.
As proven by the church statement of account that my buddy had conveniently just received.

These funds were listed as a multi digit entry in the credit column.

So this is what is known as money on account.
Legally it is still the owners money until the products or services have been exchanged.

Okay Scientology. We`ll match your lawyer and raise you a day in court.

You have to remember this was in the early 2000`s. Scientology was the darling of the legal system.
They could litigate anyone into oblivion at a whim.

Not knowing if Scientology would call my bluff and knowing of the ruthlessness of their intelligence arm,
I decided to decline Mike`s request for assistance.  I didn`t want to open myself up to the most bizarre conflict of interest case ever heard.

I told Mike that my buddy flew into an inconsolable rage when I broached the subject of Scientology.

So Mike got the message that I couldn`t help and also that this refund request was from a highly motivated dissatisfied customer.

In actuality my buddy was just a mess. He had nothing. He had no prospects and the hundreds of hours of auditing that he had endured had left him with a communication lag that lasted minutes.

But that was all about to change. Luckily Hubbard`s policy states that the registrars should take a prospect`s last penny. The Auckland Org had followed that to the letter.

He had no job and no money. Which meant he qualified for legal aide.
I found a woman lawyer who I could work with. She had no prior knowledge of Scientology.
I told her that she was going up against an organization that plays by a completely different set of rules and that my inner knowledge of that would make the difference in getting her new clients funds back.

She was cool about it and allowed me to monitor all incoming and out going correspondence.

So she fired off her first demand, or else..., legal threat.

There is a courtesy time frame lawyers conduct their correspondence within.

You send a letter to another lawyer and its expected a reply will be on your desk within 14 days.

We`d get out our response the next day. Scientology`s lawyer was always disrespectfully late.

This is what I told our lawyer to expect. She started to take the case personally.
Scientology was always sending rubbish anyway. We got an unsigned copy of an enrollment form.
Yeah !!???  So what ???

Our lawyer was at her wits end with all of Scientology`s meaningless tactics which were designed to starve out a legal threat. What this tactic failed to cater for was good old "legal aide."

We couldn`t be starved out.   Big FAIL Mike.

Okay Scientology.  You wanna fuck with us ?
Let`s raise the stakes.

As well as the money my buddy had paid to Scientology directly, he had also paid money to scientology on behalf of other Scientologists.

Now we included a demand for those funds as well.
Not an insubstantial amount.

It may be of interest to readers that being broke is no barrier to getting up Ron`s bridge.
What Scientology has done successfully many, many times is to hook the broke prospect up with
someone who does have the money.

So Scientology gets their money. The broke prospect gets his courses or products and the
sucker who made it all possible gets brushed aside.

Pretty slick when you think about it.
Trouble is for anyone with any forensic accounting skills it becomes apparent that the exact amount
loaned by the mark, suddenly appears in the orgs accounting.

So who took the loan ? Let`s put it to a judge.

Scientology was now assuring us that it was tracking down the people Scientology was making responsible for those amounts.

I think this is a case of shifting blame.

Our lawyer was really getting an education about what Scientology was all about. Yet she wasn`t rushing to enroll herself.

She was really disgusted by Scientology`s behavior and total disregard for the suffering of a human being.  Which by the way, it had caused.

That`s when I dropped the bombshell.

I told her in her response to Scientology`s latest refusal to budge that she should demand to see evidence that my buddy`s money had been used to keep their leader out of Jail.
After all that`s why he paid it in the first place.

Our lawyers jaw dropped.

"What ?"  "What ?"

I let my buddy tell her that he had been called into the org and told by the group of senior executives that he needed to give them lots of money because the rent was so far in arrears that the Executive Director, Maggie "Napoleon" Willis was going to be arrested and thrown in jail.

If Scientology can`t show that those funds were used to keep their organization open and their E.D. out of Sing Sing then isn`t that fraud ?

Our lawyer began to type with renewed passion...

I don`t want to gloat. .... Actually , yes I do.

Very interesting to see Scientology holding the cans for a change.

Makes you feel good. Try it some time.

« Last Edit: March 13, 2012, 09:17:15 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #228 on: March 12, 2012, 09:18:06 AM »

                                           SENSE OF DOUBT

                                               Part 196

                                            Playing dirty

I was at home one day shortly after we had sent our latest salvo at Scientology`s rotten core
when there was a knock at the door.

Much to my surprise, a magazine with a photo of David Bowie on the cover was being held to my face.
Once it had my attention it was slowly lowered revealing one Mike Ferriss standing there.

Naturally I`m kind of shocked. What the fuck is going on ?
Mike had never been to my home before.
He came in and performed ARC on me.
I acted appropriately. But of course I`m wondering what the fuck is going on.

The phone rang. I answered it as Mike observed me.

It was my buddy. "Help me.  I`ve got Scientologists knocking on my doors and windows calling out my name."

I finally knew what this was about. Mike must know I was on the case so he was marking me while his forwards tried to take out my star player.

Okay. I was calm. I knew what the game was now.

But can you imagine the pressure I was under.
O.S.A`s enforcer was sitting in my living room observing me as my poor defenseless buddy was under attack pleading for help.
My mind was racing at a thousand miles per hour.

I had to say something to let my buddy know I was onto it without revealing it was him on the phone.
"Really  ?........  Yeah.   No. That sounds like fun. Okay .....Call you later."

I put the phone down casually and resumed ARC with Mike.

Mike told me he was picking someone up soon in the area and had some time to kill.

It dragged on for an hour.  I could have pretended I had some urgent business to get on with.
But that might give Mike the proof he needed that I was the SP he suspected I was.

The problem Mike has though is that he suspects everyone.

Which, per LRH`s tech, means he is actually the S.P.

Finally Mike announced that he was leaving. I used my hippy tech to let him know that was a groovy thing to do.

The moment his car left my driveway.
I raced for the phone.

My Buddy was terrorized. Poor guy.  I explained I had been checked by Ferriss and that this whole thing had been a Black Op by the Cult.
It turns out the Scio was still there. My buddy told the guy standing outside his house, holding a four inch high stack of "Success Stories," to get the fuck off his property or he`d call the police just like I told him to. 

He did finally leave after the third warning.

Whew ....

"Are you okay ? Want me to come up and see you ?"
Then we figured , better just lay low. Who knows what O.S.A has planned next ?

Nothing else happened that day.

I phoned our lawyer the next day and told her what her client had just been through.

She was, as usual disgusted at how Scientology conducts itself.

Anyway. She said. They have informed me this morning that the money is being made ready for full settlement.

Seems we had won.  The money was received the very next day. No routing form. No gag order.
No apology......

Fucken A !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

« Last Edit: March 13, 2012, 09:25:04 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #229 on: March 15, 2012, 09:41:52 AM »

                                        SENSE OF DOUBT

                                            Part 197

                           The pen is mightier than the sword.

I was learning a lot about Scientology now.  Scientology is a two faced organization.
There is the window dressing side which is usually more than most minds can cope with.
But there is also the behind the scenes world.

People think Scientology`s window dressing is bizarre. But I can assure you that the back room stuff is even more so.

I got a copy of "Bare faced Messiah" by Russel Miller. Miller himself says that the actual Ron Hubbard is even more out there than the fake Hubbard as presented by the cult.

 There is simply nothing in peoples experience that will inoculate them from Hubbard`s alter ego.... Scientology.

Any time I`ve been interviewed by the media, I try to get this important point across by using a "Bond villain" as an example of Hubbard`s world view.

Without fail, that gets edited out every time.

Another way to try to position Hubbard in people`s minds is to use Hitler as an example.
Now Hitler had the same global domination goals as Hubbard, but Hitler tried and failed to do it on a physical level. His invasion of foreign countries and methods for suppressing opposition was with physical means.  Hubbard on the other hand used a mental approach.

Hitler used soldiers. Hubbard used lawyers.

To illustrate the point. Hitler`s failed attempt to physically drive Russia into submission was superseded by Hubbard`s army of lawyers. It was a small item in the few newspapers that ran the story.
Scientology had taken Russia to the "European Court" and won.
Scientology now has a legal right to operate in Russia.

"On April 5, 2007, the Church of Scientology of Moscow won a judgment against the Russian government establishing its right to recognition as a religious organization. The European Court held that the government's refusal of registration "... had no lawful basis... the Moscow authorities did not act in good faith and neglected their duty of neutrality and impartiality vis-à-vis the applicant's religious community."

So anyone who tries to stop Scientology from getting a foothold in Russia, is breaking the law which would be enforced by their own Government.

Imagine if back in World War II it was illegal for Russians to protect their homes and farms from invading Nazi`s . And imagine your own government having to come to the aid of the invaders when you tried to stop them.

Well that`s global domination Hubbard style.

And every government is vulnerable.   Because their legal systems are based on lies, they all have weak spots.

Now a lawyer`s job is to look at the borders of the document recording the governments stance, and then find a way to navigate their way through it. Till they emerge on the other side which is blank.

Sometimes it`s just the space between the last letter and the full stop.

Now...Once you have outsmarted the government, you can call on them to enforce your right to continue with your objective.

This is the psychology used by Scientology when confronted by protesters.
They get straight on the phone and demand that the police act as their enforcers.

You see it ???

So the Scientology plan is ; Once you have moved into an area, legitimize yourself so that you have the Authority that legitimizes, to enforce your rights.

Next objective....  Survey the area for their `love` and `hate` buttons.
You have to find what people hate with a passion and also what they love.

So on the hate side you get                  On the love side
pedophiles                                          freedom
 terrorists                                           peace
corruption                                           honesty
vandals                                               integrity
haters                                                love
bigots                                                 tolerance

From there you use the hate buttons to paint your enemies and the love buttons to paint yourself.

Nothing to do with the facts.

So this is how a scio PR guy talks.

"The legal suits against us are brought by corrupt, bigoted, haters, trying to vandalize our rights to
 expose their abuse of children and their acts of terrorism.
Our message is one of tolerance, love and peace. We will retain our integrity and protect peoples freedom."

What a bunch of hooey.

The tech on doing this is covered in a lecture by Hubbard that I listened to as a Sea Org member.
It is called "It`s a P.R.O. World."  (Public Relations Office)

But it goes deeper.

When Scientologists are in doubt they are made to do the formula for the condition of Doubt.

The fatal step is, after deciding which side you are loyal too  ie . Scientology or the SPs.
You have to announce the fact publicly to both sides.

This is the ultimate mind fuck.

Someone exiting Scientology never stops to ask themselves, " If I`ve realized I have lost all loyalty for Scientology, what am I doing here using scientology to make this decision ?"

What a brilliant scheme. You renounce Scientology as a Scientologist !!!!

I was about to see how deep the Scientology rabbit hole is.

A friend phoned me about a girl who was trying to get out of the cult. Could I help ?
« Last Edit: May 18, 2013, 04:37:56 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #230 on: March 15, 2012, 10:41:51 PM »

                                            SENSE OF DOUBT

                                               Part 198

                                             Love you to death.

I listened with interest as my friend told me about this girl and what had recently happened when she allowed Scientology into her life.

He assured me that this unfolding development was the last straw.
She was done with Scientology and just wanted her old life back.

The problem for her was that her new life would be without her husband and father of her five pre school age children.

Scientology Auckland had gotten him to sign a five year day staff contract without her being involved in any way.  He just came home and announced he was quitting his job and would now be working at Scientology.

She was so enraged and disgusted by the revelation of what must have been going on behind her back that she just told her husband to pack up his stuff and fuck off.

"Who the fuck is going to support your children ? Who is going to pay the bills ? What about us ?
I thought we were an us ??"

But Ron says...." yada yada yada."

Like I say, she told him to fuck off.

Okay get her to give me a call.

The phone rang a few days later and sure enough it was her. She confirmed the details of her predicament and assured me that she had had it with Scientology."

All she wanted was her husband back. Fuck Scientology."

It was early 2001.

Just by coincidence Nicole Kidman had just walked out on Tom Cruise. All the women`s magazines were
full of it. All sorts of suspicions that Scientology had broken up their marriage.

So I told this girl...If you are willing to do what ever it takes to get your husband back, the
best move you can make is to contact all the womens magazines and tell them your situation.

Do that and you won`t need to wait long before Scientology does to your husband what you just did.

She assured me that she`d do what I suggested, thanked me for being so brainy and promised to keep me posted on developments.

A few days later I answered the phone.  It was Mike Ferriss.

" I understand you had some sort of a conversation with .....  ........."
What was that all about ?"

I said sure... "She called me asking for help."

" And what advice were you able to give her ?"

"Well actually that`s frankly none of your business."

"It`s just that according to her you said......."

And with that he started to quote word for word what I had said to this girl.

I kind of felt all creepy and sensed that Mike had a small erection.

 "Listen Mike. The game is up. The organization you are fronting is an evil cult."
I`m normally a pretty level headed guy. "And I`ve had enough of this crazy organization that has told nothing but lies.

"What lies ?"

"Okay. Here`s one... Hubbard, according to Scientology, was the youngest eagle scout in America."


"Well I`ve seen a letter from the "Boy scouts association of America" where they say that it impossible to know who the youngest eagle scout ever is, or was, because ages of recipients have never been recorded."

"Interesting.... I`ll send a note up lines to get that looked into."

"And what about Dan Sherman`s planned authorized biography on L Ron Hubbard, is that going to keep perpetuating the lies about Hubbard`s past ? You know what,..... I`ll bet you anything you like it never sees the light of day."

" No . It`s coming out all right. I know that for a fact."    (It still hasn`t been published eleven years on.)

"Bullshit.  The cults version of the life of it`s founder will be torn to shreds by anyone who does honest research."

Then when I launched into item three of my list of the hundred biggest lies Scientology tells the world,
Mike interrupted.

"What`s all this about lies ?.......   Have you ever lied ?

From this point on Mike began to cut my comm. every time I spoke.

"Just answer the question.... Have you ever told a lie ?

I kept refusing to even look at the question.

As adamant as I was that I wouldn`t answer the question , Mike was even more insistent that I would.

"Come on... I just want to know... Have you ever told a lie."

In my haste to move the conversation along I said. "I`m sure I have at some time been less than truthful."

Then it dawned on me Mike had out maneuvered me.

All his twenty years of studying , practicing and drilling had finally paid off.

I realized as soon as I admitted to being a liar that I had lost the moral high ground.
Quite a nifty little trick.

But it did help me to realize how dangerous this technology is.

The reason being that with enough drilling it can even be used to good effect by a moron.

« Last Edit: March 16, 2012, 08:49:16 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #231 on: March 16, 2012, 09:56:53 AM »

                                                  SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                      Part 199

                                               "The horror....the horror."

I was seeing first hand Scientology`s "complaints department" at work.

Scientology policy on dealing with anyone critical of them is to introvert and overwhelm them.
The pretense is to appear sympathetic and concerned,  But in reality all this is pure data collection.

That`s what they did to this girl. They had persuaded her to come into the org for a free ARC break session.

She was put on the lie detector and grilled about the factors that are causing the anxiety.

 "Do you have an overt ? Do you have a withhold ?"  It`s pure data collection.

This is how my conversation with the girl wound up verbatim on Mike`s desk.

By the way. I don`t know what happened to this girl.
I obviously never heard from her again. But I`ve seen no mention of either her or her husband, or children in any of the Scientology newsletters sent out by the cult.

(If you are any of the above mentioned... Please send me a personal message from this site..)

Once again Hubbard`s philosophy is flawed at its base.

The short term handling of getting a critic to back off by creating a dangerous environment for them
is counteracted by the longterm repercussion of " Payback."

And the thing is, when they do recover and regain their composure they came back better prepared.

Look at Scientology`s history with the media,

They successfully shut them up for fifty years.
But they are back now and they don`t make mistakes.
They write well researched, devastating articles about the cult.
But they also cover all the bases so that Scientology can`t intimidate them this time.

There is a lot of built up payback accumulated in fifty years.
I`m enjoying every meticulously structured smart bomb that they fire at Scientology`s rotten core.

To illustrate this point take a look at the decade Time magazine spent in litigation with Scientology after publishing "Scientology. The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power" in 1991.

Compare that with the litigation free publication last year of "The apostate " by Laurence Wright of the New Yorker."

A strategy Scientology was using to fight off attacks back in 2001, was to run crying to other religions.
The "freedom of religious expression" was a cute angle they were milking for all it was worth.

The idea was that if one could turn attacks on Scientology into "Attacks on religious freedom" then Scientology could hide behind legitimate religious organizations.

"They are coming for us now. But it could be you next !!!"

It was working pretty good for them. Just apply the love hate buttons and sprinkle on a dab of good old A.R.C.

So even though Ferris won the last round with me, in the short term anyway...

... I`m going to have to be a bit vague here, I managed to get in touch with a group of people who all had left Scientology.  This one knew this one etc.

I was able to pool a section of them together and together we shared our experiences.

Like I say... "The horror....the horror."

The outcome of it was a project to accurately inform every religious organization in New Zealand exactly what Scientology thought of them and their beliefs, all in Hubbard`s own words.

We put together I think two different brochures. One for Christians and one for non Jesus based religions.

Then we mailed them to the leaders of every religious organization in New Zealand.

So now Mike you know why your attempts to hide behind other religions was curtailed here in New Zealand. They all knew you were lying to them.

"Have you ever told a lie Mike ?"

Just to escape from the answer overload that is swamping you right now...
And to get back that feeling of silence and nothingness, let me ask the relevant question.

"Have you ever told the truth ?

« Last Edit: March 16, 2012, 07:14:16 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #232 on: March 18, 2012, 02:09:37 PM »

                                         SENSE OF DOUBT

                                             Part 200

                                          A perfect/imperfect day.

Interestingly the awareness of ones own enlightenment is not a cognition or sudden realization.

For that to occur something had to have finally made sense.

Beings have been having cognitions and sudden realizations since the dawn of history and where has it gotten any of them ?

Some Nazi is about to put a bullet in your head and it occurs to you that all your cognitions have amounted to squat.

This doesn`t occur as a cognition. It just is !!

All the good you did..... All the evil you did are rendered redundant.

The emotions that surface at this time overwhelm the mind and it`s already left the building.

It now becomes apparent that FEAR is the glue that has, and is, holding you fast to a physical form.

Regardless of whether the Nazi carries out your identities execution or not... Either way you will become aware of your own enlightenment.

This is proven time and time again by the dramatic changes in people who have had near death experiences.

                                     "FEAR IS THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE."

                                      "FEAR IS LOVE TURNED INSIDE OUT."

So the love that you are, which could be radiating from you, is now preoccupied with self.

You may think ... "Hell I`m not preoccupied with my self.... You`re wrong there."

Well why then is it such a big deal if a Nazi tries to shoot you ?

Listen to anyone who is depressed... All they talk about is themselves.

I mean that.  Totally self absorbed.

Now this next part is hysterically funny if you can tune into it.

Despite all efforts by the FEAR motivated mind to gather you up as one form and one identity,
you feel cheated.

The identity that is you now suspects there is more of you outside of you and sends you on a search for your "soul mate."

A whole industry has been created to cater for this feeling of emptiness".

"Find your true love and you will finally be happy.

Trouble is, as soon as you make another responsible for your happiness they are guaranteed to disappointment you.

So many poor souls fall for this scam.

The systems society has created draw you into it.

After the honeymoon is over she wakes up one morning and wonders who is this jackass trying to slip in a quick one before breakfast.
She has no idea how this dream has turned into a nightmare.

"Where the fuck is the guy I married ?  The guy I married was "romantic." He used to smell nice.
He talked non stop about what a goddess I am.  He`d take me out to dinner and spend money on me.
He never looked at the waitresses. He just wanted to be with me. He loved me .
Who`s this, horny, fat, smelly, unshaven loser ?"

And he`s going... "This girl used to like me fucking her.  She used to be impressed by my achievements.
Where is the hot sexy chick I used to date ?"

So a bit of marital advice...  "If the people giving and receiving so much fulfillment dating, aren`t the same people post honeymoon....  then someone is going to be mightily disappointed."

Sorry to sound so cynical. 

Look if it`s drama and adventure you want there is nothing like a marriage to fulfill that need.

However if it`s enlightenment you seek, (which occurs when the marriage ends), and it will end,
you now can ask for enlightenment from the viewpoint that it didn`t exist outside of yourself.

It wasn`t a mistake to come to this point via an experience. However I`m trying to show you the direct route.

You see as one becomes aware of their own enlightenment, it becomes apparent that all of your experiences led to it anyway.

This is called  "LIFE."

So you take the long way home or the short way.

The direct route to enlightenment is to turn yourself right side out.

That space between your hands  has to widen so that rather than looking at it... You are looking
as it. In an unenlightened state you are actually inside out.

Oh my God... Just had a stream of tears running down my face.

Okay.... Okay...

This love and romance fixation is just so demonstrative of the message I am trying to bring to you.

What identities, or individuations, if you like, from that perspective, attempt to do is to locate another individuation to make them feel complete.  And man it feels good.
Songs, literature, poetry, dreams are all outpourings of this indescribable feeling.

But.  It has to end one day.  Because it is here as a physical manifestation.

You try and cheer up someone who, for whatever reason, has lost their true love and you
won`t see anything like it in the whole spectrum of suffering.

But it is there. 

You can get them to agree that this relationship had to end one day.

"Yes. Anytime but NOW !!!" they will say.

So you ask... "Well, when then ? When would you have preferred it to end ?"

They`ll tell you.... "When we were old."

So you say... "Okay. Imagine that is now."

See the same problem exists.  So what you`d prefer to face later, you face NOW !

This dilemma can ruin people`s lives. They feel worthless. The love that they had shone on another and themselves has turned to FEAR. Now the mind can work with that.
In fact it won`t stop.  It can offer helpful advice like..."Why not kill yourself ?"
It will rub your nose in your loss by making everything remind you of the recently departed.

Now here is something new.

"What if there was a way to feel the same feelings of exhilaration that you experience falling in love as you feel when you are dumped...."   ?????

« Last Edit: March 18, 2012, 02:44:02 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #233 on: March 20, 2012, 08:47:44 AM »

                                            SENSE OF DOUBT

                                              Part 201

                                             Love and marriage

Back then there weren`t very many anti Scientology sites on the web.
But those that existed provided ample proof that Scientology was a con job of galactic proportions.
I read everything I could.

Then one day I stumbled on a site that was kind of a message board.
I made up my fake user name and started to post.

There were a few Scientologists who had fallen for Ronnie Miscavige`s message, shown as part of one of Scientology`s three monthly events, that the Internet was what Scientology had been waiting for.
According to him they were finally going to be able to disseminate Scientology to everyone who hooked up to this new phenomenon that was growing beyond anyones ability to keep up.

What Scientology was not expecting was that it actually gave a voice to those who wanted to educate and warn people to stay away from them.

Before the Internet, anyone who spoke out about Scientology could be located and eliminated.
And that was how Scientology dealt with criticism. "Shoot the messenger."

Now all there was to target was the message. For all the Scientologist knew, the person posting could have been anyone. Even their own mother.

I had so much fun when a Scientologist would show up on this message board.

They were used to being able to intimidate any opposition. The rules had changed.

I knew that trying to penetrate a Scientologist`s programming to wake them up was pointless. However I did see it as great entertainment for anyone watching.

I remember one beauty...  I posted that one of the Scientology posters had said that
" he was willing to turn a blind eye  to all of Hubbard`s faults....."

He came back on and advised me that he did not say such a thing...Nor would he.

I came back with an apology. " I admit you never said that you are willing to turn a blind eye to all of Hubbard`s faults. Please now proceed to educate us on what they are,...."

That guy never posted again.

I got a personal message at the site.

It was from a girl who was telling me she had read everything I wrote and ...well anyway it was very flattering.

I wrote back and thanked her for taking the time to compliment me.

The next PM I got from her she just poured her heart out and told me that it was my postings that she lived for. Her life was a complete mess. Her uncle and Aunt had been trying to get her to join Scientology and she was all set to start services at the New York org, till she read my stuff.

We chatted back and forth for a week. Found out we had both eaten at the same restaurant in Times Square, close to the New York Org. Although she was only nineteen she too was a big Bowie fan.
Of course being able to tell her I`d had lunch with him made me sound pretty cool.

Next thing she tells me she loves me.

By now we had exchanged email addresses and gotten to each other really well.

I knew all about the problems she was having at home and the pressure her uncle was putting on her to hook up with Scientology to solve all her problems. She had recently been let go at her job in the airline industry due to 9/11.

The next email I got from her was from a library.
She had been kicked out of home and was effectively homeless.

I came up with the perfect solution.

Get yourself a passport and get on a plane here to New Zealand. You can move in with me.

I paid for her ticket and she got busy getting a passport.

It was all pretty quick. But she still needed somewhere to stay till she could get to the airport.
So she realized that her Scientologist uncle was the best option.

The next day the phone rang........

It was my old buddy Mike Ferriss !!!!!!!!!

He told me a peculiar story about a teenage girl from New York who was being lured to New Zealand
by some unscrupulous prick.

As usual I had "no idea what he was talking about."

"Funny..." he said....."It`s just that the guy she is coming here to see looks exactly like you, according to the description of the photo that`s being sent to me by her uncle."

Mike was getting hard again.  It must be a huge rush to drop some devastating evidence on the table in front of someone who has been protesting their innocence...

I roused from my slumber just enough to say to him.
"Mike .... Please don`t phone me again...ever ."

I put the phone down.

When I spoke to my teenage runaway again, she figured that her uncle must have gone through her bag when she was asleep.  It was after all, `the ethical` thing for a Scientologist to do.

I ended up a few days later picking her up at 4:30 in the morning from Auckland International airport.

I had to put all my private eye experience into effect to see if any Scilon O.S.A. agents had staked out the arrivals area.

Pretty sure there was no one.

Well we hit it off. This New York teenager and me.

A few hours after she settled in to her new home she phoned a friend back in New York and assured them that she had safely navigated her way through O.S.A.`s spy network and that I was everything that she hoped I was. 

She told me after the call that she had a code word that she didn`t say.
Had she said it, her friend was to call the cops immediately and report that she was in trouble.

Whew...  Time to relax.

Before long we were looking at making her stay more permanent.
Because she was still only nineteen, we couldn`t get married to solve this.

So we had to fill in some forms and get her visa extended. 

There was all sorts of application forms and certificates needed. Takes ages to get them all sorted out.

At one stage we even had to have her fingerprints sent to the F.B.I.

So we went to the Otahuhu Police station and presented the F. B. I . form to them.

They took her fingerprints and sent the signed form off to the States for a search to see if she`d put her fingers on anything she wasn`t supposed to have.

A week later we got a letter from the F.B.I. informing us that the fingerprint sample sent to them by the New Zealand Police was useless.

Now I`m no expert on police work. But I had to take everything back to the Police station and show them how to take finger prints.

If you are a real criminal, like a Scientology executive, I suggest you come to New Zealand to continue your business undisturbed.
However if you are a nice helpful innocent person I suggest you tread very carefully here.

The New Zealand police always arrest "someone" for the serious crimes.

I don`t want to say they are incompetent. I`ll let the facts speak for themselves.

I phoned the police one day as I watched a car pull up outside a neighbors house.
The passenger was dropped off with a crowbar at the back of the house and the driver, who`s registration number I jotted down left the scene.

So I told the Police that a crime was about to be committed.
The woman holding their front line informed me that what I had seen , although very indicative of intended criminal activity, was not an actual crime.

I told her... "Yes but if you send a car here you can pick up the soon to be criminal."

She wouldn`t have any of it. "We`ve got actual crimes to solve."

I tried to stall till the neighbors burglar alarm went off. But she wasn`t having any of it.

The call was terminated. No sooner had I put down the phone when the neighbor`s alarm went off.

I phoned the police and reported actual crime this time.

30 minutes later a police car arrived, sirens blaring, with police dogs in the back.

The dog handling cop was one of the stupidest people I`ve ever seen outside of an institution.
For some reason he imagined the offender would be flushed out of the house by his dogs.
What ? He was still inside... standing there mesmerized by the sound of the alarm for half an hour ?
I just went home in disgust.

Six months later the police came to my door to interview me about the burglary I had witnessed.
It took me a moment to connect up with what he was talking about.

I said to the cop. "You`ve got to be fucken joking !!!  Are you guys going around retirement villages  arresting these criminals ?"

I know... A bit off subject. Still..... When you hear all this bad news about different industries in society going under..... Take heart that at least one industry is thriving....  Incompetence !!!

If you don`t factor that into your plans... You are creating your own disappointment.

« Last Edit: March 26, 2012, 11:13:03 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #234 on: March 21, 2012, 04:00:05 PM »

                                                 SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                       Part 202
                                                         A rest

As soon as the girl from New York turned 20 we were legally allowed to marry without her parents consent.
Nine months later a baby popped out.

Had I finally "settled down?" 

I love that saying. Evokes so much imagery.

A guy goes from being a single guy laying on the sofa to being a married guy laying on the sofa.

No wonder so many guys pine for the good old days of being single.

After the baby was born my wife`s mother decided to bring her American mind down for a visit.
She was an ex New York cop.

My wife suddenly experienced stress again.
I took it all in my stride. I wasn`t buying any of her mum`s "you`re supposed to`s."

She didn`t help her case when she told me that she was the court appointed balif who placed David Bowie before the court in 1976.

Bowie and his buddy Iggy Pop had been arrested because they were at a party where Marijuana was present.  Ultimately Bowie was released with a stern warning.

But when I see his mug shot it just reminds me of how the collective consciousness of man is triggered for self destruction.  Grab any courageous individuals who transcend the status quo, and bring them back to earth. Tall poppy syndrome.   

My wife was having a ball here. Her mother made a couple of more trips over and realized that her daughter`s happiness was something that could not be tolerated.

She was on the phone constantly reminding her daughter that she could do much better. I had no argument with that either. However I didn`t feel the need to tell her husband that about her.

After nearly four years here my wife began to get homesick and decided a trip back to the states was in order.  And as her mother offered to pay... What the heck.

So I drove my wife and daughter out to the airport fully well knowing that I`d never see them again. 

When I got home I, went through what is the most painful thing anyone can go through.
That overwhelming feeling of loss. This empty pit opens up and there is no escape. 

The way I`ve written about our relationship seems all matter of fact. But believe me, the bond we had was just as strong as anything you`ve ever experienced. So think of your pain.

I had a sudden and immediate outpouring of grief.

Then I climbed aboard a train and went into town.
No idea why...

I got a cup of tea at McDonald's and sat on the seat outside on Queen Street to have a smoke.

And as I sat there something quite profound happened.

I became aware that I was in love with every single person that walked by.

Of course reading this one could easily be excused for thinking I was having a mental breakdown.

And I was.  The mind I had filled with rubbish just disintegrated there on the spot outside McDonald`s.

I was having a full meaningful love affair with the whole world.
Young, old, male, female, black, white, rich, poor, good, bad, enlightened, unenlightened, tidy, unkempt, happy , sad, sane , insane.

There were no barriers coming from me. 

I felt the depths of sadness and heights of happiness each projected.

This was not a thought process. This was what the thought process had been inhibiting.

Now that I have to put it into words.... What I did was turn myself right side out.

The love that my identity had been inhibiting was finally glowing everywhere in every direction.

So you know that feeling of being in love when you meet your "soul mate".....

Well multiply that by a thousand billion.

Directly outside the McDonald`s on Hollywood Boulevard you`ll find Marilyn Monroe`s "walk of fame" star.

It`s absence here made me cognizant of the fact that my love wasn`t restricted by life or death.

« Last Edit: March 22, 2012, 06:23:19 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #235 on: March 23, 2012, 10:38:38 AM »

                                                   SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                         Part 203

                                                    Love and optics.

There is a mind manufactured censor that is inhibiting spiritual enlightenment. It`s one that drops away
and reveals a completely new vista that is breathtaking in its scope.

That lie is     "Seeing is believing."

Can you see how restricting that belief is on the owner of the mind housing it.

It means that one is totally at the mercy of their circumstances.

The mind says "you show me .... and then I`ll believe it."

However if you have ever been inspired creatively or artistically you have at least taped into the
bigger and deeper truth that;

                                 "Believing is seeing."

Just ask a person who has run into this wall head on.

You can spot them because they are devoid of genuine love.

We tend to describe them as "depressed."

What they have done is to grant beingness to the mind.

They have fallen for the lie that they are the mind.
It`s just a giant legal case assembled by the defense.

It gets to a point of critical mass where the evidence is overwhelming.

It`s last ditch effort at self perpetuation is to start to take artistic license with that evidence.
So now it embellishes the evidence and gets artistic inspiration from it.
It starts to dip everything that crosses its path in black paint.

 But all the mind really is, is a ghost.

It`s quite amusing for me to see someone suffering from depression.
They are haunting themselves.

They are sitting there hitting themselves in the head with an imaginary hammer and asking me what they can do to stop the imaginary constant pain.

So now I`m stuck trying to tell a joke to someone with no sense of humour.

They are completely blind to the perfection in their imperfect world.

They cannot see that the hate and fear they are experiencing is just love gone bad.

They cannot see that they are inside out.

 There has been no breakthroughs in the subject of depression in thousands of years.
All the world`s great minds working together have come up with, is different forms of distraction. Both psychological and medicinal.

    Every manifestation of violence is an act of `inside out love` back from holiday.

Oh fuck...That is so funny. God I come up with some stuff that would even tempt the Dalia Lama himself, to write me a prescription and join a river dancing tour company.

Now I want you to believe something before you see it.

                                   "YOU ARE PURE LOVE."

The next part should be easy.....

Imagine you have a sense of doubt about that.

Imagine that sense of doubt causing you to look through a giant telescope for evidence of it.

One day you see something bouncing that love back at you.

You feel a nervous tremor deep in your soul.

"Could this be true love ?"

You get all the right feedback. This source of proof that `you are love` ticks all the right boxes.

Suddenly you feel like a child again. The birds are singing. The heavens open up. You have entered a magical world. You look younger. You act younger. Your body is filled with energy. You feel weightless.
The world becomes a beautiful, magical, place. Your insecurities evaporate. The artist in you is awakened.

You have found true love.

End the movie quickly. 

But life is not a movie.  Sooner or later your new love will disappoint you.
They don`t reflect back your love in quite the way you need.

In fact the more you need their love the more they disappoint you.

One day they are gone.
Your world turns to shit. The mind gets busy trying to make sense of this.
The love has gone bad. The pain is indescribable. It tells you you were a fool.
It rubs your nose in the evidence constantly.

You feel so empty. You feel as if you are a worthless piece of nothing.

This is where I was as I sat outside of McDonald`s.

Interestingly, even if the person you are grieving for was to materialize in front of you and reignite
the dying love...It wouldn`t make any difference. The damage is done.

"How could someone who loved me cause me to suffer so much pain ?" The ultimate act of betrayal.

You witnessed it with your own eyes. The mind has all the gory details firmly
in the case file.  Case closed !!!!  The jury has made its decision.  Seeing is believing !!!

But once again, imagine that the opposite is true. What if "believing is seeing ?"

After all, you believed that there was a doubt about the truth that you are pure love.

So you actually were looking at a mirror, not for love, but for proof that you were love.
The mirror perfectly reflected that doubt.

And when it moved on its axis you couldn`t see yourself in it anymore.

So you just gave yourself evidence of what bullshit love feels like.

          "If pure unconditional love is given there is no need for a reflection."

               "Pure love has no reflection."

 Can you feel it now ?

By assigning responsibility to another to reflect your love you have demanded that they perpetuate a lie. And every lie has a shelf life. Only truth is always.

At that moment my mirror cracked.

The aluminum melted and the glass liquefied and reformed into a lens.
The love I felt for this girl now passed through her and the love that I am sees no limits.

Imagine what it`s like to feel as much love in being abandoned as you feel in being the focus of love?

If you `see what you believe` instead of `believing what you see` you really won`t believe what you can see that you never saw before.

The perfection in the imperfection.

« Last Edit: March 23, 2012, 10:51:27 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #236 on: March 25, 2012, 01:49:37 PM »

                                            SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                 Part 204

                                How can God just stand by and do nothing ?

Believe it or not, this is the question that people have used for millennium to stand by and do nothing.
After all if God doesn`t care enough about us to heal the world, what chance do I have ?

And no matter what road you take, they all lead to this nexus of the universe.

No road can lead anywhere else.

If you haven`t realized this it`s only because you are still on the road.

When you get to the end of the road..."How can God just stand by and do nothing?" is what awaits you.

The lack of an answer to this question is what motivates suicides to pull the trigger. It`s what motivated the reported utterance of Jesus as he hung agonizingly from the cross.
"Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?"

All of human suffering is tied up in this one question.

You will know enlightenment when that question and its answer become one.

One of the ex Scientologists I was in touch with phoned me one day and told me a peculiar story.

He had quite uncharacteristically gone into a stationers, selected a "Health and Fitness" magazine and presented it at the counter.

Once he got it home he scanned through it and was drawn to an article about a South African Medical Doctor who was living in England when he had a dream. The dream involved him uprooting his family and establishing a home here in New Zealand. Which is exactly what he did.

He had actually given up medicine at this point and decided to become a Healer.
His reported comments on the subject referred to the obvious fact that conventional Medicine had turned a  blind eye to something it had no right to.  He realized that every single patient had a back story.
Medicine was only interested in the latest chapter. " I now have this condition... and don`t want it."

To attempt to alleviate suffering by looking at only the last few pages of a persons life story seemed a bit naive.

My friend had been to see this Healer and had glowing things to say.

I gave him a call.
Left my details on his answer machine and I emailed him...

Doctor Graham Mead. or phone (09)-8108480 or 027 485 7272.

A few weeks later I was sitting in his waiting room.

When he did come to get me, I was thinking "holy shit. This guy is what I thought OT`s were going to be like. 

Naturally my "Bullshit detector" was on high alert.

I told him about my years of insanity in Scientology. He laughed and laughed.

Then he asked me , "if you were trying to get to the sun, why did you stop off on one of the planets orbiting it ?"

Of course there was no answer. It was plain dumb.

A while later I gave him this long angry list of injustices I`d suffered in life as he listened patiently. When I finished he looked at me and said........ "Bullshit !!"

I`m still laughing over that one.

Probably one of the weirdest moments I had with Graham was the day he recognized someone else in me.
This guy just looks straight through you. It`s so fucken freaky.

So what would you do if you were a healer and saw someone vandalizing  someone else`s soul ?
Obviously dive in and drag them out.

Like I say... This was one of the weirdest things I`ve ever experienced. And I`ve seen some pretty fucked up shit.

Next thing Graham is wrestling with my father. But while he`s doing it he`s making the exact sounds my father used to make when he was in pain.

Then Graham tells me. This is your father.  He then begins to cry and tells me " I am so, so ,so ,so
sorry !!!"

When it was over Graham excused himself to just tell the other people using the building that despite the fight they had just heard coming from his office, everything was fine.

When he came back I was just exhausted and asked what was next.
Graham told me I needed to get someone who could communicate with the dead.

I said. You seemed to be doing okay. But Graham told me it wasn`t really his field of expertise and he was referring me to a medium.

A short time later I was welcomed in to Kelvin Cruickshank`s office in Parnell.

« Last Edit: March 26, 2012, 11:25:44 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #237 on: March 26, 2012, 10:42:38 AM »

                                           SENSE OF DOUBT

                                              Part 205

                                            I never cry.

Kelvin was trying to suss me out. I could feel him trying to latch onto some aspect of me that he could tune into.

After a while he admitted that he wanted me to leave.

He was fluffing around trying to make his refusal to read for me as socially un-awkward as possible.

Then in a complete turn around he said "They are starting to come in now."

Kelvin is like a radio. He is able to tune into very high frequencies.

"Who`s Jim ?"

Of all the millions of names he could have said. He managed to pick up on the name of my absolute best friend who had died of cancer in 1986.

But more than that I could feel his presence in the room.
The tears streamed down my face.

We had a short dialog.  Maybe it was long. I don`t know. All I recall really is that Jim was as happy to see me as I was to see him.

I was aware that Jim was coming through above me and to the left.

Jim moved back and now Kelvin said "Your dad is here."
I felt him behind me and yet I was looking straight at him.

"He`s staying back. Jack is there trying to coax him forward.
But he feels terrible for what he put you through."

By the way...Jack had enough of his own craziness to apologize for.
He`s the guy my dad used to get to give me New Zealand army haircuts all through the 60`s.

I was in with Kelvin for an hour.
It really does give you a new, life changing, perspective.

I have the whole thing on cassette, But have never felt the need to listen to it.

Kelvin tapes his readings and makes notes. When the reading is over he gives them both to you.

Incidentally he no longer takes appointments.
His waiting list got up to two years long and he decided to stop taking new appointments.
He will still see you if you are desperate. But it`ll be for a fee of $500. If you do ever get to see Kelvin,
he usually charges $200 per reading.

Kelvin stopped taping often through my reading to tell me about his horrendous childhood.
He was also in a way trying to council me.  Which, to be honest, was a little bit too pedestrian
for my needs.

I think the main thing I left Kelvin`s office with was the curiosity over why I couldn`t do what he does.

I went and saw Graham Mead again.

At the time Graham was charging $150 per appointment.
It never seemed as if that was enough.  But at the time that was more than I could afford anyway.
I don`t want this getting out.... but Graham was willing to see me for free.

Imagine that...his toughest case and he gets nothing for it.

I asked him straight. "What is the answer ?"

He told me to read the "Conversations with God." by Neale Donald Walsch.

I read everything Neale wrote and was delighted to see that he was coming to New Zealand to speak.

I went along and picked up a chick there.

As is always the case with women, she had this massive suitcase full of hurt on the subject of relationships.

I defused that time bomb enough to make her fall head over heals in love with me.

She had been on the road to enlightenment her whole life.
Her parents, as it turns out, where both well respected mediums. Both members of the Spiritualist Church.

I met them a few times. I was warned that her father hated any profanity being spoken.
So naturally I had a constant stream of it coming out of my mouth unexpectedly.

When I realized what I`d just said, I`d apologize with something even worse.
"Oh shit. Sorry ...I fucked up again.

So my efforts to put things right ended up worse that my original transgression.

By the way if you are offended by bad language. "You are fucked up !!!!!"

You can try to enforce your conversational rules on others for eternity.
Or you can simply make offensive language disappear by not being offended by language.
"Oh but it`s just polite to not use foul language. It`s so unnecessary. It makes the user seem
so undignified. "  Tell me than what is so dignified about making someone feel bad about their manner of expressing themselves to you ?

Anyway, this girl started to ask me philosophical questions.

I`d spout forth stuff that would make her cry.
"Where the fuck did that come from ?"

Soon she was interviewing me and taping our conversations.
She worked as a stenographer and had no trouble typing out everything I said.

I have about 100 pages of some of the weirdest shit anyone has ever heard.

When I  read it afterwards, I thought.  "This is brilliant. But it doesn`t fit in with what I`ve been taught. It contradicts the very beliefs that made life what it is. "

This girl took the transcripts and showed them to her parents.
They told her that in all their years they had never seen anyone who can do what I do.
The stuff I`d said was way up there beyond anything they`d ever dreamed of.

You`d think...Well surely that would go to my head. And yet, I`m talking about it now for the first time.

Maybe I was just imitating Neale Donald Walsch ?

He was having conversations with God.

But I was talking to what created God.

I guess this will be as far as a lot of you will want to read.

I completely understand.  So thanks for staying with me so far.  Now fuck off.

For those fans of blasphemy still willing to continue.... Ponder this..

                        "How can God just stand by and do nothing ?"

« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 11:39:45 AM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #238 on: March 28, 2012, 01:20:15 AM »

                                              SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                  Part 206

                                                The answer is .....

                "The moment God does something, God ceases to be God."

                  "There never has been, nor will there be, an act of God."

       "To search for God outside of God, can only be a search for what God is not."

                                           "Only God can behold God."

               The physical universe could be summed up by the words....

                                                "SENSE OF DOUBT"

              The physical universe is here to convince God that there must be a God.

                                             Next part I`ll start explaining.

« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 07:06:35 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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« Reply #239 on: March 29, 2012, 09:17:35 PM »

                                            SENSE OF DOUBT

                                                 Part 207

                                            Bad e
                                                       ye sight.

Let me explain why the mysteries of the universe have remained hidden for eons despite
the meticulous research done by the greatest minds of each and every age.

I want to use an analogy that you can relate to that should make the point clear.

What about love.....

Yeah that`s a good one.

Spurred on by raging hormones, an empty feeling, or just wanting to be like everybody else, people look for a mate. 

People know that if they get it right, it can bring feelings of joy that are indescribable.

But they know if they get it wrong it can result in indescribable feelings of despair.

Of course as a youngster, you know you are immortal and indestructible. You also turn a blind eye to
loveless marriages that your and your friends parents endure.

It seems that what starts out as a game of spin the bottle descends into Russian roulette,... given time.

This whole area becomes such an emotional minefield that it sucks the life out of people.

In fact if you compared asking someone over thirty out on a date you can pull out and read an old warning notice on fireworks. "Light touch paper and stand clear !!!" 

And if you want to be reminded of a fire works night that went horribly wrong, just ask someone out on a date.

This whole area of interaction was supposed to be fun. All the way !

Generally speaking the subject of love has so much baggage attached to it that you can cause a psychotic break in most people in less that three sentences.

That`s the result of having a whole mental paradigm  based of bullshit.

Look. I know very well that the mind can rationalize away a mountain of insane behavior caused by this
unstable pile of "love lessons."

But the mind is no where to be found when the baggage topples in a broken relationship.

So not wanting to get hurt again people reassemble the crap and look for love again but with
a checklist.

Women                                Men

He must be rich.                Must be good in bed.
No alcoholics.                                "
No smokers.                                  "
No gamblers.                                 "
No wife beaters.                            "
Must have a job.
Must be approved by my parents.
Must not have a wandering eye.
Must tell the truth.
Must make other women envious.

On and on it goes.

So now we have someone wearing their suit of armor out looking for love.

And when they finally find someone who ticks all the boxes, pain of not having someone special is replaced by the fear of losing that someone special.

So they set out to convince their mind that the person isn`t so special after all.
This drives away their partner and now they realize how empty and hurt they feel.

That`s why when you approach someone about a date you wear a suit of armor, and carry a checklist.

Of course you know that there are relationships just like the ones on TV.
"Look they are over sixty and they still hold hands on their evening stroll through the set of "The Donna Reed show."

The reason they are going through the motions of loving is because he is doing what he is supposed to and she is doing what she is supposed to.

And people go. Well isn`t that was love is all about ?

No wonder the marriage vows say "to the death." Or words to that effect.

With a few rare exceptions all this world has seen is "CONDITIONAL LOVE."

"I will love you , till you piss me off !!!!!"

For fucks sake...People do this to their own children ?!!!

Don`t kid yourself... All anyone here has ever looked for is Conditional love."

And that answers the question as to why you have never found TRUE LOVE.

In fact if you have found love. It is not love at all.
Love cannot be found.  It is something that you radiate in the eternal moment of now.

Like wise a bullshit God will love you till you piss him off.

A bullshit God would do this to his own children.?!!!

And that answers the question as to why you have never found TRUE GOD.

In fact if you have found God. It is not God at all.
God cannot be found. It is something that you radiate in the eternal moment of now.

« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 09:30:21 PM by Ididntcomeback » Logged
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